Heartbroken for son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: northwest, Ohio
Posts: 7
Heartbroken for son
I am posting for the first time on any forum and am kind of lost. Hopefully this is an original post and I am not replying to someone's post, although there is such great info from all of you.
Today, my 21 year old son came in to my professional office workplace high. I had locked him out of the house because he was not home at 7 a.m and I had to go to work and didn't want to leave the doors unlocked for him. He got someone in the parking lot to let him into our locked building, them came upstairs and he was obviously high,wanting my house key so he could get in. He got paid this morning, and went out as soon as the money hit his account to buy beer and drugs ----I think pills. As I was leading him to the door to get him out of my office, he said out loud for anyone to hear "It smells like sh^* in here, why do you want to work here?" several times. I was outraged and embarrassed. I gave him my house key just to get rid of him and he walked home. Several hours later my 17 year old son called me and said his brother was drinking in the house, playing loud music and carrying his laptop around the neighborhood with loud music coming from it. He had spilled beer all over our floor. I could tell my younger son was upset and didn't know what to do. I had to leave work after explaining the situation. Who knows what my boss will say tomorrow. I went home, put all my older son's things on the back patio, and when he came home I told him I wanted him out. I explained to him why. I kicked him out 2 weeks ago for the same things and unfortunately let him back in, telling him if he used alcohol or drugs again, he was out. He sat on the outside of the house, slumped over and looking dejected, and called me several times to try to get me to let him in to "get something." I said no. His voice became emotional and he said he had no one to call or come pick him up. I told him that was his problem to solve. He finally put all his stuff in our barn shed, and walked off down the street with his head down. He quit his job last week, has no car and only 1 or 2 friends, one of whom lives with his parents and the other is in prison. I feel heartbroken and sad that his life is like this. I know I will miss him terribly, but will not miss the mess he made of my life and my younger son's. Does anyone have any similar stories, encouragement, or advice? I need lots of support if I am going to "stick to my guns." I can't let him back in like I've done 3 or 4 times before in the past 3 years.
Today, my 21 year old son came in to my professional office workplace high. I had locked him out of the house because he was not home at 7 a.m and I had to go to work and didn't want to leave the doors unlocked for him. He got someone in the parking lot to let him into our locked building, them came upstairs and he was obviously high,wanting my house key so he could get in. He got paid this morning, and went out as soon as the money hit his account to buy beer and drugs ----I think pills. As I was leading him to the door to get him out of my office, he said out loud for anyone to hear "It smells like sh^* in here, why do you want to work here?" several times. I was outraged and embarrassed. I gave him my house key just to get rid of him and he walked home. Several hours later my 17 year old son called me and said his brother was drinking in the house, playing loud music and carrying his laptop around the neighborhood with loud music coming from it. He had spilled beer all over our floor. I could tell my younger son was upset and didn't know what to do. I had to leave work after explaining the situation. Who knows what my boss will say tomorrow. I went home, put all my older son's things on the back patio, and when he came home I told him I wanted him out. I explained to him why. I kicked him out 2 weeks ago for the same things and unfortunately let him back in, telling him if he used alcohol or drugs again, he was out. He sat on the outside of the house, slumped over and looking dejected, and called me several times to try to get me to let him in to "get something." I said no. His voice became emotional and he said he had no one to call or come pick him up. I told him that was his problem to solve. He finally put all his stuff in our barn shed, and walked off down the street with his head down. He quit his job last week, has no car and only 1 or 2 friends, one of whom lives with his parents and the other is in prison. I feel heartbroken and sad that his life is like this. I know I will miss him terribly, but will not miss the mess he made of my life and my younger son's. Does anyone have any similar stories, encouragement, or advice? I need lots of support if I am going to "stick to my guns." I can't let him back in like I've done 3 or 4 times before in the past 3 years.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family from a fellow Buckeye. 
You are right to stick to your guns. You gave him restrictions and he trampled all over them. You have the right to live in peace in your own house.
I hope your son decides he wants to get clean and live a respectable life, but until then, you are right to want him out.
You are right to stick to your guns. You gave him restrictions and he trampled all over them. You have the right to live in peace in your own house.
I hope your son decides he wants to get clean and live a respectable life, but until then, you are right to want him out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
glad your here, todibo. ya found a great forum with tons of wisdom and love.
beings how i dont have the problem with my child the only thing i can offer is prayers.
but youre going to get a lot of support here for sure!
beings how i dont have the problem with my child the only thing i can offer is prayers.
but youre going to get a lot of support here for sure!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 119
Sorry for your situation. I have to say taking the hard line with your son may save his life. Letting him stay with you in a cushy environment will not teach him the results of the actions he's choosing to make.
Sending you prayers
Sending you prayers
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
I'm sorry for what brings you here. But, like the others,I think you're doing the right thing. You should also post in our Friends and Family as they are going thru the same things you are,Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
I'm supporting you all the way, todibo. I have been embarrassed beyond belief from the antics of my 26 y.o. alcoholic son. I wish I had been tougher with him at 21- it may have saved us years of grief. Your sadness is real, both for the lost potential of your son, and for your own situation. Take care of your younger one and detach from the older one. He can go the Salvation Army and find some housing. It may make all the difference. Please keep in touch here -it will save your sanity.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome todibo538
I'm really sorry for all thats happened- I can't think of many worse scenarios for a parent to be in, but for what it's worth I think you've done the right thing - not only for your son,l but for you and the rest of the family.
No guarantees unfortunately but I hope this will give your son something to think about.
I'm really sorry for all thats happened- I can't think of many worse scenarios for a parent to be in, but for what it's worth I think you've done the right thing - not only for your son,l but for you and the rest of the family.
No guarantees unfortunately but I hope this will give your son something to think about.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
I'm glad you found us, todibo. Such an awful situation to be in, and one that many have had to cope with. I hope you'll find some helpful answers here. Please do check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics Forum as jd suggested.
It really does help to know we're not alone.
It really does help to know we're not alone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 51
I can't really give any parenting advice or anything, but I was the inverse case of yours. I was the raging alcoholic early twenties son of a loving mother.
I hated it when she suggested maybe I go to rehab, I got angry when she asked if I was "drinking again" or if I should go to AA. Despite all that, even in my worst drunken, hungover, or withdrawal state, despite me cussing her out about my problem, I still had a soft spot for her, it's my mom after all.
With time, that "soft spot" got a little bigger and I like to think I'm turning myself into the man she's proud to claim as her son.
Wishing you all the best.
I hated it when she suggested maybe I go to rehab, I got angry when she asked if I was "drinking again" or if I should go to AA. Despite all that, even in my worst drunken, hungover, or withdrawal state, despite me cussing her out about my problem, I still had a soft spot for her, it's my mom after all.
With time, that "soft spot" got a little bigger and I like to think I'm turning myself into the man she's proud to claim as her son.
Wishing you all the best.
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