So now that I am going, tell me about rehab
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
So now that I am going, tell me about rehab
What a mess of a person I've become! I don't know why it took me so long to just give up and give in, but here I am. I'm exhausted. I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor about where I can go and when, the sooner the better. I wish I could go today.
I am so very scared but finally feel safe in my decision in that I have the support of my mother and my children's father. I know my kids will be safe and loved. I think I have my work covered.
A few questions:
1. What do I tell my English lesson clients? I'll have to miss several weeks of lessons.
2. What do I tell my homeowners, which is a more delicate situation, I need to preserve this work. I have a friend, who is the one who took care of them before me, who has agreed to take care of things in my absence, but my absence will need to be explained somehow.
3. What do I tell my kids? They are too young to understand alcoholism (7 and nearly 6) but I will be gone for quite a while.
4. Can I take my computer and work in the evenings? I'd like to keep up with my rental property management which is all done via email at this time of year.
5. Can I have my kids visit? Is that a good or bad idea?
6. How do I make the most of this experience? I don't want to also try this and also have this fail. This has got to be the end of this mess for me. I am open and willing to do anything. But how?
I am so very scared but finally feel safe in my decision in that I have the support of my mother and my children's father. I know my kids will be safe and loved. I think I have my work covered.
A few questions:
1. What do I tell my English lesson clients? I'll have to miss several weeks of lessons.
2. What do I tell my homeowners, which is a more delicate situation, I need to preserve this work. I have a friend, who is the one who took care of them before me, who has agreed to take care of things in my absence, but my absence will need to be explained somehow.
3. What do I tell my kids? They are too young to understand alcoholism (7 and nearly 6) but I will be gone for quite a while.
4. Can I take my computer and work in the evenings? I'd like to keep up with my rental property management which is all done via email at this time of year.
5. Can I have my kids visit? Is that a good or bad idea?
6. How do I make the most of this experience? I don't want to also try this and also have this fail. This has got to be the end of this mess for me. I am open and willing to do anything. But how?
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Europe
Posts: 291
I'll keep to 4 and 6:
4. Not really a good idea. You want to focus on the problem at hand during your waking hours, and if it's a good rehab place, they will fill your time and give you a lot to think about, so you will be exhausted anyway.
6. Try to listen as much as possible, even things you don't immediately believe or don't apply to you. Don't try to think "I'm not as bad as x" or "I'd never do y": people in rehab know exactly what they are saying and why they are saying it. Take advantage of your time there to work on the program, ask questions, and avoid friction with staff or other patients. You'll always find someone you don't like, but ignore it and don't fret on it: as diverse a group you'll be likely to find, you all have something in common, and everyone has the same goal.
I'm a skeptical person by nature, but I knew that it was only going to work if I opened up and didn't try to know better. It was almost a leap of faith, but in the end, they did give me the tools and plans to stay sober for 3 years and 9 months now. Good luck.
4. Not really a good idea. You want to focus on the problem at hand during your waking hours, and if it's a good rehab place, they will fill your time and give you a lot to think about, so you will be exhausted anyway.
6. Try to listen as much as possible, even things you don't immediately believe or don't apply to you. Don't try to think "I'm not as bad as x" or "I'd never do y": people in rehab know exactly what they are saying and why they are saying it. Take advantage of your time there to work on the program, ask questions, and avoid friction with staff or other patients. You'll always find someone you don't like, but ignore it and don't fret on it: as diverse a group you'll be likely to find, you all have something in common, and everyone has the same goal.
I'm a skeptical person by nature, but I knew that it was only going to work if I opened up and didn't try to know better. It was almost a leap of faith, but in the end, they did give me the tools and plans to stay sober for 3 years and 9 months now. Good luck.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I agree with the Chief on points 4 and 6
Tell clients and homeowners you are ill, or if you don't want to even divulge that much, tell them you'll be unavailable for a period of time due to personal matters.
I'll leave it to the other parents here to share their experience with telling kids
I'm glad you're doing this and I hope it will be the turning point for you Mera
D
Tell clients and homeowners you are ill, or if you don't want to even divulge that much, tell them you'll be unavailable for a period of time due to personal matters.
I'll leave it to the other parents here to share their experience with telling kids
I'm glad you're doing this and I hope it will be the turning point for you Mera
D
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Personally, I would not tell people except your closet friends that you are going to rehab, especially not your students or rental property owners.
I would say that you have a medial problem that means you wont be available for ?? and leave it at that. Let your friend and family take care of the rest.
You need to one hundred percent focus on this.
I would say that you have a medial problem that means you wont be available for ?? and leave it at that. Let your friend and family take care of the rest.
You need to one hundred percent focus on this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Ok, I got the name of the centre. I went ahead and called them myself to see if I can get the ball rolling sooner than Friday. They took my number and said someone would call me back. Just waiting anxiously for the phone to ring.
Not gonna lie, thoughts of drinking are swirling around my head but I am staying in and saying focussed. I want to shower but am afraid to miss the call.
I need to clean my house. I want to leave it in perfect condition so I can come home to a fresh, clean space and start my new life. I've got to go out to the doctor at 4. After that I will stop by and see the boys. Their father is being so good. He said he is not trying to keep me from them, I can see them anytime I want, but he wants to protect them and not have them see me either drunk and/or overly sad and depressed. So I'll visit them at his house. I feel like such a failure as a mother.
I do do good things for them and feel like I am so loving and caring but I've made a mistake not addressing this problem for so long.
Not gonna lie, thoughts of drinking are swirling around my head but I am staying in and saying focussed. I want to shower but am afraid to miss the call.
I need to clean my house. I want to leave it in perfect condition so I can come home to a fresh, clean space and start my new life. I've got to go out to the doctor at 4. After that I will stop by and see the boys. Their father is being so good. He said he is not trying to keep me from them, I can see them anytime I want, but he wants to protect them and not have them see me either drunk and/or overly sad and depressed. So I'll visit them at his house. I feel like such a failure as a mother.
I do do good things for them and feel like I am so loving and caring but I've made a mistake not addressing this problem for so long.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 378
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
After that I will stop by and see the boys. Their father is being so good. He said he is not trying to keep me from them, I can see them anytime I want, but he wants to protect them and not have them see me either drunk and/or overly sad and depressed. So I'll visit them at his house. I feel like such a failure as a mother.
I do do good things for them and feel like I am so loving and caring but I've made a mistake not addressing this problem for so long.
I do do good things for them and feel like I am so loving and caring but I've made a mistake not addressing this problem for so long.
Be kind to yourself.
Wishing you all the best in rehab and sending warm thoughts your way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
What a mess of a person I've become! I don't know why it took me so long to just give up and give in, but here I am. I'm exhausted. I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor about where I can go and when, the sooner the better. I wish I could go today.
I am so very scared but finally feel safe in my decision in that I have the support of my mother and my children's father. I know my kids will be safe and loved. I think I have my work covered.
A few questions:
1. What do I tell my English lesson clients? I'll have to miss several weeks of lessons.
2. What do I tell my homeowners, which is a more delicate situation, I need to preserve this work. I have a friend, who is the one who took care of them before me, who has agreed to take care of things in my absence, but my absence will need to be explained somehow.
3. What do I tell my kids? They are too young to understand alcoholism (7 and nearly 6) but I will be gone for quite a while.
4. Can I take my computer and work in the evenings? I'd like to keep up with my rental property management which is all done via email at this time of year.
5. Can I have my kids visit? Is that a good or bad idea?
6. How do I make the most of this experience? I don't want to also try this and also have this fail. This has got to be the end of this mess for me. I am open and willing to do anything. But how?
I am so very scared but finally feel safe in my decision in that I have the support of my mother and my children's father. I know my kids will be safe and loved. I think I have my work covered.
A few questions:
1. What do I tell my English lesson clients? I'll have to miss several weeks of lessons.
2. What do I tell my homeowners, which is a more delicate situation, I need to preserve this work. I have a friend, who is the one who took care of them before me, who has agreed to take care of things in my absence, but my absence will need to be explained somehow.
3. What do I tell my kids? They are too young to understand alcoholism (7 and nearly 6) but I will be gone for quite a while.
4. Can I take my computer and work in the evenings? I'd like to keep up with my rental property management which is all done via email at this time of year.
5. Can I have my kids visit? Is that a good or bad idea?
6. How do I make the most of this experience? I don't want to also try this and also have this fail. This has got to be the end of this mess for me. I am open and willing to do anything. But how?
1. Flu. Personal matters that you need to take care of. Make something up. It's none of their business anyway and if they ask, just say that it's personal and you don't want to talk about it.
2. Needed some time away. On vacation. Needed some time off. Take what the rehab facility is like and if people ask, tell them it was a retreat.
3. Tell them that Daddy needs to do something and will be away for a little while. Tell them that they'll understand when they're older. Which is when you tell them the truth.
6. Do everything in your power to do everything they offer you as well as possible. Give it your full dedication.
Btw, I believe that lies are no inherently bad. They're privacy tools. Everyone is entitled to privacy. There are good lies and bad lies. Only use good lies and you can rest peacefully. And they come in handy in this situation.
Wishing you well, I really hope you'll come out of this a changed person.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Thanks Mike. I'll figure something out, I'll have to. I just wish this damn place would call me back! Look at me, I kick and scream fighting rehab for years and now I can't even handle a few hours wait for a callback!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
1. What do I tell my English lesson clients? I'll have to miss several weeks of lessons.
"I have some unexpected personal business to attend to, which will take about a month."
2. What do I tell my homeowners, which is a more delicate situation, I need to preserve this work. I have a friend, who is the one who took care of them before me, who has agreed to take care of things in my absence, but my absence will need to be explained somehow."I have some unexpected personal business to attend to, which will take about a month."
3. What do I tell my kids? They are too young to understand alcoholism (7 and nearly 6) but I will be gone for quite a while.This is a disease, present it as such. Your children have seen more than you probably realize, and though they cannot understand the details, they are not unaware that you are not 100% healthy.
4. Can I take my computer and work in the evenings? I'd like to keep up with my rental property management which is all done via email at this time of year.Many places in the US will not allow cellphones, much less laptops. Mera, do you understand that alcoholism is fatal? This is an undertaking that you should approach as if your life depends on it. That is not hyperbole. If you continue to drink, you won't just be unemployed, you will be unemployable.
5. Can I have my kids visit? Is that a good or bad idea?Give it a couple of weeks, the first week or two can be tough emotionally.
6. How do I make the most of this experience? I don't want to also try this and also have this fail. This has got to be the end of this mess for me. I am open and willing to do anything. But how? Mera - be very clear on your last statement. Are you truly willing to do anything? Because initially your sobriety will have to take precedent over jobs, childcare, and other day to day business that fill a normies life. This doesn't mean you cannot do any of those things, but rather that they must take a back seat to your recovery. Once your recovery is becoming second nature, the "other stuff" can take a larger chunk of your life. If you do it the other way around, your recovery will likely wither and die.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Thanks Mike. I'll figure something out, I'll have to. I just wish this damn place would call me back! Look at me, I kick and scream fighting rehab for years and now I can't even handle a few hours wait for a callback!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Ouch. I am serious about this. I do not think it is ridiculous to be concerned about maintaining my work and my status as a mother. I think those are legitimate concerns. But I will take what you said into consideration. Thank you.
I just called back, I could't stand the wait. I spoke with a nice, but very fast talking doctor. He said my doctor here needed to call and speak with the specialist there.
All of the treatment is free and covered by healthcare. Here's the issue though. The "free" rooms have a 45 week wait!!!!! Nearly a year. The private "hotel style" rooms with a shared bathroom have a 3 week wait. The private rooms with private bath have a 10 day wait. The shared bath costs €33 a day and the totally private €130 a day. With help from people around me I think I'll just pay the max in order to get in as soon as possible.
I just called back, I could't stand the wait. I spoke with a nice, but very fast talking doctor. He said my doctor here needed to call and speak with the specialist there.
All of the treatment is free and covered by healthcare. Here's the issue though. The "free" rooms have a 45 week wait!!!!! Nearly a year. The private "hotel style" rooms with a shared bathroom have a 3 week wait. The private rooms with private bath have a 10 day wait. The shared bath costs €33 a day and the totally private €130 a day. With help from people around me I think I'll just pay the max in order to get in as soon as possible.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
One last thing... congratulations.
As much as this might seem like a catastrophe, if you attend to this with honesty, openness and willingness this may well be the inflection point of your life. Accept that you don't know what you don't know. There was a poster in the meeting room of the rehab I attended, which turned out to be absolutely true (though I thought it ridiculous at the time):
Good luck Mera, I am so glad you have made this decision. Give it time & trust the process, this will work out far better than you expect if you give it your best.
Regards,
Eddie
As much as this might seem like a catastrophe, if you attend to this with honesty, openness and willingness this may well be the inflection point of your life. Accept that you don't know what you don't know. There was a poster in the meeting room of the rehab I attended, which turned out to be absolutely true (though I thought it ridiculous at the time):
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Good luck Mera, I am so glad you have made this decision. Give it time & trust the process, this will work out far better than you expect if you give it your best.
Regards,
Eddie
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Ouch. I am serious about this. I do not think it is ridiculous to be concerned about maintaining my work and my status as a mother. I think those are legitimate concerns. But I will take what you said into consideration. Thank you.
I just called back, I could't stand the wait. I spoke with a nice, but very fast talking doctor. He said my doctor here needed to call and speak with the specialist there.
All of the treatment is free and covered by healthcare. Here's the issue though. The "free" rooms have a 45 week wait!!!!! Nearly a year. The private "hotel style" rooms with a shared bathroom have a 3 week wait. The private rooms with private bath have a 10 day wait. The shared bath costs €33 a day and the totally private €130 a day. With help from people around me I think I'll just pay the max in order to get in as soon as possible.
I just called back, I could't stand the wait. I spoke with a nice, but very fast talking doctor. He said my doctor here needed to call and speak with the specialist there.
All of the treatment is free and covered by healthcare. Here's the issue though. The "free" rooms have a 45 week wait!!!!! Nearly a year. The private "hotel style" rooms with a shared bathroom have a 3 week wait. The private rooms with private bath have a 10 day wait. The shared bath costs €33 a day and the totally private €130 a day. With help from people around me I think I'll just pay the max in order to get in as soon as possible.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
relax and breathe
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
What a mess of a person I've become!
I am open and willing to do anything. But how?
All of you other worries and concerns will work themselves out in time.
Yes, when I went into treatment many years ago I thought that things could not go on without me. The month went by fast and everything was fine.
Concentrate on the main goal -- staying sober.
MB
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
(((Mera))), I think you are doing the "next right thing"! No need to even describe to others that you have a medical problem. I would simply say you have personal business to take care of. And if anyone asks more, simply repeat and don't elaborate. When you are in rehab, focus 100% on that and let everything else go. I'm glad to hear that you have support.
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