Ofre09

Hey all. I have only posted on here once before and it was more of a panicked cry for help. I am hoping this is less desperate and can be more of a help for me. I have been struggling for a while, have told several people I have a problem and when they ask me about it the next day, I blame it on the booze… I feel like it is a horrible cycle, but something I am going to guess I am not alone on. I am to the point where I am done feeling sorry for myself and know there are people going through the same stuff as me. My soon to be wife has voiced her concern to me about my drinking several times, including to our priest in a pre-marriage session we had which was a major wake up call, and I know she has no idea how to get to me without offending me and I really want to be done but have her be a major part of my recovery. I have told her I am done before but slipped back into old ways of being responsible for a few days and then blacking out 2-3 days in a row and convincing everyone it was just a slip up. I know and she knows this is a pattern and I need help to get out. Has anyone had a similar experience and have any advice as to how I can break out of this and bring my fiancé onto the same page?

Coldfusion

Hi Ofre!

I needed help to quit drinking. I spent a week in detox and then did ninety AA meetings in ninety days. Help is here if you ask for it!

Berrybean

I suppose the main thing is for your wife to know the extent of your problem, and what you are intending to do to in order to make your recovery as solid as possible. This is as much of the same page as she can be on - to be honest, it is extremely difficult for normies to understand our alcoholic thinking. And no surprise there. We often struggle to understand it ourselves, and we're living with it, For most of us there is a lot of shame around our drinking, and what it has led to to do and be. Speaking honesty about myself was not something that I was capable of doing with anyone - including counsellors - and especially people whose love or respect I wanted / needed. I also went the AA route and the 12-step work I have done there, and which I try to apply to my daily life as my recovery work, has helped me a lot. It not only has helped me stay sober, but has also meant that I have a group of people I can talk to about my drinking and where it took me, and a sponsor to guide me through the step work, and more difficult times (which we all have - just because we're getting sober, doesn't mean life is suddenly a breeze). My self-honesty, and ability to be honest with others has increased as I've worked through the steps.

If your wife needs support, she could give AlAnon a try as well. What she will learn there is how to live with an alcoholic without sending herself mad. It won't be about how to get you sober. That's your job

Mags1

Hi Ofre. I guess you realise now that you can't control your drinking, pretty much like the rest of us here.

Are you ready to stop yet?

Often families don't understand us, heck my husband thinks I'd be ok to have a drink occasionally, after nearly three years sober! He doesn't realise it wouldn't, I can't just stop at one drink!

This is a great place with people who know what you're going through, some great experiences too learn from and most importantly to learn what tools we need to keep stopped, once we've stopped.

Dee74

Hi Ofre

If bringing your partner 'onto the same page' means her totally understanding what you're going through, totally building you up, and and never giving voice to the resentment that she may have built up over how many years of your drinking, or the fear she has that you may never stop...that's probably not going to happen.

I'm not trying to sound harsh but maybe it's good for you to realise it's not your soon-wife's job to help fix you?

Maybe this is a sign you should be looking for support elsewhere from other alcoholics in places like this or in groups like AA ro Smart or LifeRing?

D

Nowsthetime

Hi Ofte:

I agree with others: it's not up to you soon-to-be wife to "fix" you or "change" you. This can only come from within. Have you been completely honest with her? Alcoholism is progressive and it's only going to get worse if you, YOU don't do something g about it. I was a binge drinker and everyone made excuses for me, they weren't helping by trying to "not hurt" my feelings.

You are getting ready to start the next chapter in you life... How do you want it to be?

Do you have a plan?

You can make the rest of your life how you want it to be.

Stay with us! You can do it!

Soberwolf

Welcome Ofre

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html