For those who know my story...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
For those who know my story...
Hey guys, it's been a while. Im still sober, just very busy with school an work and life and all.
Things have come to a major climax with my alcoholic boyfriend. Friday night he came home very, very drunk. Falling. Slurring. I figure I would put some tv on so he could just pass out, we watched some youtube videos. He then vomited all over everything. Himself, out the back door, the garden. He announced he was going up to bed and I said not unless he showered. He flipped. He got in my face and told me this is his house and he can do what he wants. I've never seen him like that, so I called the police. I locked myself in my daughters room and called. He decided to take all his clothes off and answer the door like that. They never told him he had to leave. He actually played all nice and named dropped and they let him stay and told me to lock myself in my daughters room for the night. The next day he stole my truck and house keys. I was supposed to go to a friends house but when he came home he returned my keys, so I stayed here. Problem is I lied to my sponsor about where I stayed. Now I know I have to fess up but I'm scared she's going to be mad. I also want to quietly gather my things and go somewhere tonight but I'm terrified it's going to make the situation worse and it's going to be very difficult getting my daughter to and from school. I have a babysitter get her off the bus most days and the sitter takes the bus here. I just don't know what to do. Any suggestion, questions to help me sort this out?
Jennifer
Things have come to a major climax with my alcoholic boyfriend. Friday night he came home very, very drunk. Falling. Slurring. I figure I would put some tv on so he could just pass out, we watched some youtube videos. He then vomited all over everything. Himself, out the back door, the garden. He announced he was going up to bed and I said not unless he showered. He flipped. He got in my face and told me this is his house and he can do what he wants. I've never seen him like that, so I called the police. I locked myself in my daughters room and called. He decided to take all his clothes off and answer the door like that. They never told him he had to leave. He actually played all nice and named dropped and they let him stay and told me to lock myself in my daughters room for the night. The next day he stole my truck and house keys. I was supposed to go to a friends house but when he came home he returned my keys, so I stayed here. Problem is I lied to my sponsor about where I stayed. Now I know I have to fess up but I'm scared she's going to be mad. I also want to quietly gather my things and go somewhere tonight but I'm terrified it's going to make the situation worse and it's going to be very difficult getting my daughter to and from school. I have a babysitter get her off the bus most days and the sitter takes the bus here. I just don't know what to do. Any suggestion, questions to help me sort this out?
Jennifer
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
I think you should absolutely ensure your safety and your daughters Jennifer. That trumps everything. If that means leaving the house for now, I'd absolutely do that.
Don't worry about your sponsor. Just be honest. She might be mad but I can't see that's the most urgent problem right now?
D
Don't worry about your sponsor. Just be honest. She might be mad but I can't see that's the most urgent problem right now?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
This whole thing sucks right now. It's the simple fact that there is no maturity level from the other end. He thinks he's 18 and there is no child involved. Uprooting everything this close to the end of the school year is so stressful
Jennifer
Jennifer
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
CG noone should have to live like that I am so sorry for what your going through id definitely leave have you got friends & family that can come & help
Can't believe how the police didn't arrest him & said lock yourself in you should make a point of going to the station and reporting exactly what happened & think about getting a restraining order
He stole your keys & keys to your truck ? I'm so sorry CG know you have our full support x
Can't believe how the police didn't arrest him & said lock yourself in you should make a point of going to the station and reporting exactly what happened & think about getting a restraining order
He stole your keys & keys to your truck ? I'm so sorry CG know you have our full support x
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Hi, Jennifer-
You and your daughter's safety is the most important!
I might suggest reposting this in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum for more feedback?....there is a lot of experience and wisdom with similar circumstances.
You and your daughter's safety is the most important!
I might suggest reposting this in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum for more feedback?....there is a lot of experience and wisdom with similar circumstances.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
Originally Posted by soberwolf 
CG noone should have to live like that I am so sorry for what your going through id definitely leave have you got friends & family that can come & help Can't believe how the police didn't arrest him & said lock yourself in you should make a point of going to the station and reporting exactly what happened & think about getting a restraining order He stole your keys & keys to your truck ? I'm so sorry CG know you have our full support x
Jennifer
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I'm really horrified that the police thought it was a good idea to let him stay in the house when you called them in fear and he was clearly incredibly drunk, I mean, naked? That's pretty unambivalent.
I'm pretty new here so I don't know the background, but I second getting a restraining order. If he's stealing your keys and wallet to keep you trapped there, that's a huge red flag.
Did your daughter have to see him talking to the police naked?
Sending you a hug...
I'm pretty new here so I don't know the background, but I second getting a restraining order. If he's stealing your keys and wallet to keep you trapped there, that's a huge red flag.
Did your daughter have to see him talking to the police naked?
Sending you a hug...
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
(((Jennifer))) First of all --sending big hugs to you. You're in a tough situation and your safety, your daughter's safety and your sobriety are of utmost importance.
Your ABF is manipulating you through fear tactics...Taking your house & car keys, thereby implying his power over your security, your housing situation and your ability to leave.
A restraining order will give you some time to sort things out plus you will have legal protection during this time. Hopefully you have family or friends to stay with, but if not, is there a family shelter in your area while you look for your own place?
I'm sorry this is happening and you make a good point about the disruption so close to the end of the school year. However, as you know alcoholism is a progressive disease and if your ABF had this outburst he's likely to have more and the next one may escalate.
Some things to consider for your restraining order and next move.....Do you have any legal claim to his property? How long have you been together, as in possible common law marriage? Is he the father of your daughter? Is there free legal counsel in your area....university clinic or other?
BTW--I agree with Dharma about reposting this in the Friends and Family to get more feedback. Thinking about you and your daughter and wishing you the best outcome. Please keep us posted.
Your ABF is manipulating you through fear tactics...Taking your house & car keys, thereby implying his power over your security, your housing situation and your ability to leave.
A restraining order will give you some time to sort things out plus you will have legal protection during this time. Hopefully you have family or friends to stay with, but if not, is there a family shelter in your area while you look for your own place?
I'm sorry this is happening and you make a good point about the disruption so close to the end of the school year. However, as you know alcoholism is a progressive disease and if your ABF had this outburst he's likely to have more and the next one may escalate.
Some things to consider for your restraining order and next move.....Do you have any legal claim to his property? How long have you been together, as in possible common law marriage? Is he the father of your daughter? Is there free legal counsel in your area....university clinic or other?
BTW--I agree with Dharma about reposting this in the Friends and Family to get more feedback. Thinking about you and your daughter and wishing you the best outcome. Please keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
You've been unhappy in this relationship for some time. You've also come so far in your life and been very successful. He doesn't reflect the new you, he's a reflection of your old life. You don't need to put up with this kind of crap! What was acceptable during your old drinking days isn't anymore right?
I think you'd be better off doing whatever you need to do to rid yourself of this man. It won't be easy but you're a smart cookie and it doesn't sound like he is.
I think you'd be better off doing whatever you need to do to rid yourself of this man. It won't be easy but you're a smart cookie and it doesn't sound like he is.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
You've been dealing with these blow ups from him for a long time CG
This is no situation to leave yourself, or your daughter in, especially if cops
are not doing the right thing.
You know this so please take appropriate action to protect both of you.
Who knows what he'll do next time since he got by with it so easily this time--
This is no situation to leave yourself, or your daughter in, especially if cops
are not doing the right thing.
You know this so please take appropriate action to protect both of you.
Who knows what he'll do next time since he got by with it so easily this time--
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hi Jen,
I am so sorry you had to go through this. I cannot believe the police did not make him leave. How terrible.
That being said, I second, this has been a bad relationship for a long time. It's time for you to move forward in a happy and healthy way, for you and your daughter.
Many hugs!
I am so sorry you had to go through this. I cannot believe the police did not make him leave. How terrible.
That being said, I second, this has been a bad relationship for a long time. It's time for you to move forward in a happy and healthy way, for you and your daughter.
Many hugs!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
one thing im truly glad to read is through this you havent mentioned wanting to drink, so thatsa Godsend!!
on your sponsor, i suggest getting honest with her. imo, you may want to explain what led up to it first. im sure your sponsor will understand and be very glad you confessed.
on the other stuff, i think if ya read what ya typed as if it was someone else here that typed, it, you would know the answers.
sorry yer goin through this and a prayer out for ya.
on your sponsor, i suggest getting honest with her. imo, you may want to explain what led up to it first. im sure your sponsor will understand and be very glad you confessed.
on the other stuff, i think if ya read what ya typed as if it was someone else here that typed, it, you would know the answers.
sorry yer goin through this and a prayer out for ya.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
Hey Dee. Love u for asking. Things are quiet. We talked. It's over and it's civil. I explained about my daughter and her school and me with my wonky schedule and we are looking at the end if the school year to plan for a move. He is staying out of my way, I his. We are friendly but it's done. He is a reflection of my old life and being in a relationship with him is as toxic as drinking for me.
I made it through this like a grown up and without the need to drink!!! Amen!!!
Jennifer
I made it through this like a grown up and without the need to drink!!! Amen!!!
Jennifer
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Good for you, Jennifer for getting through this and for having a plan to get out of the situation in the future. Please continue to be careful because it's likely there will be more drinking episodes.
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