Romanticising drinking scenarios already...HELP! :(
 

So, February 27th was my first full day sober. For awhile after that, I was okay with not drinking. Not only did I have the worst hangover, but I also had tooth pain that lasted a little more than a week. So I was in bed all week dealing with that. But whenever I think back to drinking the kinds of things I drank on that last day, my stomach churns, and I am like "never again!"

However. I have started to romanticise other drinks. This has happened before. I had a one last time with a certain drink, and was able to quit it. But then I started romanticising another drink, so had a "one last time" with that too. And so on....

This time has to be different. The seasons have just started to change. The last few days, I look out and see the sunshine. I go to the grocery store, where they've recently started selling beer (the first time ever we've sold alcohol in the grocery stores - they've just started this) and I think "it wouldn't be so bad to have some"

I imagine sitting on the deck, in the sun, drinking a few fun beers (there are so many "fun" kinds aaahhh!! Beer was never even ever my drink of choice!) Or I smell a certain perfume smell, all fruity and such, and think "wow, a cooler would be fine! I could drink them in the summer and be fine...."

This is what's called stinking thinking, right?? Or, romanticising?

I think, drinking beer on a warm summer day, there's nothing wrong with that, I don't always get roll on the floor drunk....

This is getting harder and harder to talk back to. It's frightening me. I'm starting to wonder if I can really do this. I try to play the tape to the end, try to remind myself why I'm not drinking. But I keep getting all these scenarios in my head. They seem so nice. I have a list of pros and cons. But for some reason, all these scenarios never seem to "qualify" in my head, as being bad enough to count....? Does that even make sense??

I have apps on my phone, lists all over the place, therapy, things to tell myself, people to talk to.......but it all seems so hard.....and then the scenarios in my head don't seem so bad. And I'm already worried I'm going to fail. How can I keep going on like this, fighting this every day? Each day without alcohol, it actually gets harder and harder to remember why I'm not drinking...and it seems less and less bad....

Anyone else struggling with this??? :(

Yes, I feel the same way most days, hate to admit, and I'm over 3 months sober.
The bad memories do seem to fade. I wonder how I'll make it through the summer when everybody drinks around me. I do romanticize the drink, lots of fun times, before blackout that is. :(

I guess you (and me) have to remember why we got sober in the first place? I know I felt a lot of shame drinking the way I did. I've embarrassed myself, I've embarrassed my kids, I have teens and they are watching....

Nothing good can come from alcoholic drinking, it can ruin your health, your peace of mind, not to mention those awful mornings, waking up so regretful, and sick.

Hang in there, it has to get easier or nobody would stay sober, right?
Congrats on your sober time. :)

I'm just past a year sober. I occasionally think about how nice a cold beer looks. It is usually just a thought that crosses my mind - not one that I spend any amount of time thinking about. I know that I can't have it. It's just not an option so I don't dwell on it.
It does get a little easier - or you just get used to it.
Congrats on your achievements so far. Hang in there! We're all rooting for you.

I went back to drinking moderately around the end of October after a month of sobriety. By Christmas time I had been in the hospital twice, and finally went to detox. I went back to drinking after another two weeks sober. Two weeks later I was as bad as I'd ever been. It took me a month to quit this time around. I was dealing with withdrawals, reverse tolerance, memory loss, confusion, and full body ills within the first 3 weeks of drinking. I tapered off over a month (took me that long to do it properly and stick to it) before I quit for good this time.

In 5 months time, I went through probably 6 or 7 detoxes. I'm not talking mild ones either. It wasn't fun and there was absolutely NOTHING pleasurable about drinking for me the last few go rounds.

I thought when I went back in October I'd be able to pace myself and drink responsibly. After all, I had already lost so much and suffered so much. It wasn't long before I was sucking back the dregs of the leftover booze in the cupboards and my life was all consumed by my next drink.

It's like romanticizing a narcissist. You KNOW what it's going to do. You are HERE for a reason.

Trust me, it's an illusion. And it's not worth it.

Hi Layali!

It sounds to me like you would like the consequences of a normal drinker. Just don't be fooled -- you don't want to drink like a normal drinker.

A normal drinker will come home from work, drink two beers, mow the lawn, and then drink iced tea for the rest of the night.

What alcoholic do you know that actually WANTS to do that? LOL! I might be able to do that (I stress "might"), but why would I want to. That's no fun! Gimme two and then make me stop? I want to drink like an alcoholic and have the consequences of a normal person. That's what I really want.

Also, that little voice that tells me that I didn't ALWAYS get drunk.. that is true, but it is not honest. I didn't always get drunk -- not ALWAYS. But what that fleeting thought withholds is:

Not once did I plan on peeing in my hamper when I popped that beer tab,

Not ONCE did I intend on waking up in the emergency room when I lifted the first drink.,

Not once did I plan on ending up in treatment that one afternoon I decided one drink would relieve my stress,

Not once did I mean to.......

There's a million sober things to do... start making some different memories!

I sure hope that helps. I remember being where you are and I so want the very best for you.

Great thread. This is stuff that you can't talk about w normies.

...or worse...alkys that think they are normies...

My anxiety was through the roof when i quit. The only way to quell it was w booze. I was deep. I had such a desire to drink because of that.

Thank God i pulled through.

Closing hard on a year here friends and it really is a new world.

My energy is way up. Motivation is stronger. I sleeps like a log for 6 hours every night. Then squeeze another 1 or 2 after a pit.

Thank you for the therapy.

Hi Layali

at least you have some knowledge that those romantic daydreams are BS. Re-read your old posts, post to others struggling...really get the reality of the situation in your head.

There's no one drink for us, and it's the first drink that starts the trouble, not the last one.

Play the tape through, to the end - force yourself to revisit the likely consequences of you drinking again.

You can do this - stay with us :)

D

Layali - I went through all of that crap when I first got sober. And you what, it really pissed me off - to the point that it reinforced my resolve. I sort of looked at it like I was rebelling against MYSELF. I know that probably sounds weird, but it helped me when I felt like I was being lured back to the bottle.

I hope you continue to stay strong. Trust me, it gets a whole lot easier the longer you stay sober.

Layali, I think its natural to have those feelings sometimes early on. But just like Live posted, I have no desire to have "A" drink. I want 3 or 4 or 10! My distorted thinking tells me, "What's the point in only having one"? Maybe it's healthy for long term recovery to hang on to that mindset; after all, the fact that one or two was never enough is the reason I am here on an alcoholic recovery website.

"Romanticizing" drinking is completely normal, don't worry about it.

The longer you're sober the more your mind will clear up, trust me.

Layali
When I start to have those feelings I look at my kids, all young teens with some of my DNA and I see humans who have never touched alcohol or drugs. They have their challenges like any humans but they work through them with no thought of using alcohol to cope. They haven't eaten the apple.
I then remember my youth and how I was the same..... Plenty of emotions and struggles but ignorant of alcohol and its affects.
Their lives and those of non drinking adults are what I romanticize and what I endeavor to realize. The images of sitting on a porch sipping a cold one just don't take me to a happy place in my mind anymore. They are visions fraught with terrible times of darkness.
Hang in there and this will pass.
Jonathan

Great point Live2FAD.

I think to myself, but what about one day if I visit places like Italy and France, what am I going to do surrounded by all these amazing wines designed to go with the food??!!! It seems so silly and childish to me even just saying that, but I can't help it especially since I speak the languages. And then I thought of other things I could do there instead of drinking and realized maybe I could even find some recovery meetings to attend and meet people, and I could practice my skills by learning the language of recovery in a foreign language!!

I try and travel a bit overseas each year and now wonder how i will cope doing this without drinking moving forward. Its will be another huge step in my recovery to overcome but i guess i will just face it as another testing obstacle when the time comes.

I have certainly felt that way in the past, and those thoughts are the ones that led me to believe I could moderate, needless to say it didn't work.

I went out to dinner with my husband, mother in law, and brother in law, and kids tonight before a play tonight, and all of the adults except for me were drinking, and it was one of the first times I was out that the thought of a glass of wine didn't even cross my mind.

I know I need to continue to be vigilant, because when I haven't been in the past I have ended up drinking daily again.

A great image to keep in mind when needing a reality check. Thx Jonathan

I think this is the type of thing where someone says to 'play the tape through'.

For all of the good times there just as many bad times, if not more. And more often than not, the good times ended up as bad times.

We tend to forget what brought us here in the first place.
For the me, the bad times were much worse than the good times were good.

My experience with returning to the drink the last time - was suicide attempt, ER, loss of license, deeply hurt family, loss of job and the list goes on. It was my last time out - if I choose to return, death awaits. Of this, I am certain. There is too much spring now, inside and out to jump into!

I used to do that too, thinking of having "just a few" glasses of wine. Then I realize I'm kidding myself. I never drank just a few, it was always a bottle or more until I was drunk. :(

One thing that helped me lose the desire to drink was practicing gratitude every day. Counting my blessings puts me in a positive mindset and I'm much less likely to want to drink and lose all those blessings. :)

All these comments have been helpful to me. I've been having moments here and there where I catch my mind romantisizing drinking scenarios. Spring is here, and with the warmer weather come the daydreams. But, I catch myself and recognize it for what it is: BS. There was nothing "romantic" about the way I drank. One was never one, and if it was, I was agonizing over the hope of another, somehow, some way. I'm aiming to enjoy this spring and summer (and beyond), alcohol free.

I'm 22 months and I still crave a beer in nice weather every now and again.

~Bunnez