I'm New Here!
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Richmond,Virginia
Posts: 98
ALICE WONDER, THANKS FOR ALL THE INFO. I DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO BUT HERE. I DO HAVE THE CELL PHONE THAT THE CRISIS LADY GAVE ME, IT JUST DIALS 911. I KEEP IT WITH ME AND IT IS RIGHT BESIDE ME AT NIGHT. HE IS STILL IN JAIL RIGHT NOW, HAS HIS BAIL HEARING IN THE MORNING, THEY GAVE ME A NUMBER TO CALL TO FIND OUT IF AND WHEN HE GETS OUT. I REALLY HAVEN'T BEEN OUT EXCEPT TO GO TO THE STORE AND THAT HAS BEEN WITH TED OR SUE. KIND OF SCARY BY MYSELF. YES I DO HAVE A RESTRAINING ORDER, THEY GAVE ME AN EMERGENCY ONE THE NIGHT THIS ALL HAPPENED AND THEN WHEN THEY HAD HIS FIRST HEARING I GOT ONE THAT IS GOOD UNTIL DEC 1RST. HE IS GOING TO BE A BUTT THOUGH BECAUSE HE HAS CALLED TWICE ALREADY. ONCE RIGHT AFTER WE WERE IN COURT, WE GOT HOME AND HE CALLED. DIDN'T ANSWER BUT KEPT IT IN CALLER ID AND VOICE MAIL, IT SAID INMATE CALL, THEN HE SAID HIS NAME. TED TOOK ME THE NEXT DAY AND I FILED THE PAPERS FOR VIOLATING THE ORDER. NOW HE HAS ANOTHER CHARGE PENDING IN THIS COUNTY, BESIDES THE ONE FROM OUR COUNTY. I WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW. HOPE I DIDN'T CONFUSE YOU TOO BAD. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 353
(((Patty))) i wanted to check on you before i went to bed. I am glad you have the cell and the Restraining order. It may not sit well with the judge that he violated the order- so good. That may buy more time for you and time to let the lack of contact cool him down. i do have another word of caution for you from my experience... it would really be in your best intrest not to let ANY of his family know what is going on in regards to you. Even though they might be sympathetic? any information you give them will only fuel him as most abusers are very manipulating and can get info they need without seeming to! this is so important. My husband's sympathetic to me and very nice brother was duped into revealing where i fled to--- so i cut all contact with his family-even though i liked some of them- and found another place to rest and process my experience.You can just answer that "you don't know" or that "you will talk to them in the future" etc. but please do not tell them anything. i know you said you worked for the family and all of that so things are complicated for you. but stay strong in this as if you really like the family and they tell him anything they will feel bad if anything happens and if you don't like them then... now is a good time to rid yourself of them. this advice is also in regards to mutual friends etc. just pretend you are in the witness protection program and keep quiet. abusers are predictable and when contact is cut- if he is able- he will do anything to get to you- as this is an addictive realtionship- he needs the violent interaction- it's like a drug.
i know this is all really hard and exhausting. try not to freak yourself out too much-- but be very cautious! you may be flip flopping back and forth all over the place in terms of how you feel about all of this but... know you are doing the right thing here- compassion isn't always kind but helping him to have consequences for his violent actions is a very healing thing all the way around. you deserve to have some peace. love -alice
i know this is all really hard and exhausting. try not to freak yourself out too much-- but be very cautious! you may be flip flopping back and forth all over the place in terms of how you feel about all of this but... know you are doing the right thing here- compassion isn't always kind but helping him to have consequences for his violent actions is a very healing thing all the way around. you deserve to have some peace. love -alice
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Richmond,Virginia
Posts: 98
ALICE WONDER, I CALLED THE COMMONWEALTH ATTORNY AT 11:OO, THEY DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING YET. WE ARE GETTING READY TO TAKE TED TO HIS REHAB. SO I WILL CHECK BACK WITH THEM LATER. GOT SOME GOOD NEWS THOUGH, I HAVE BEEN PUTTING IN APPLICATIONS AND TODAY I TOOK ONE IN TO MCDONALDS AND GOT AN INTERVIEW RIGHT AWAY. I HAVE TO BE THERE TOMORROW AT 2:30. IT IS A START. I'LL WRITE MORE LATER. LOVE PATTY 
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Richmond,Virginia
Posts: 98
Just Checking In
ALICE WONDER, ME AND SUE JUST GOT BACK FROM TAKING TED TO REHAB. ALL WENT WELL. WE GOT LOST ( JUST A LITTLE ) COMING BACK. I CALLED THE COMMON WEALTH ATTORNEY AND THEY SAID HE GOT BOND POSTED FOR 15,000, WITH THE STIPULATION THAT HE HAS NO CONTACT WITH ME OR HE WILL GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. THEY COULDN'T TELL ME IF HE HAD GOTTEN OUT YET, BUT I KNOW HIS PARENTS DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH PAYING THAT. I'VE GOT MY PHONE THOUGH. WRITE MORE LATER. LOVE PATTY :sigh: :sigh1: 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 353
Patty i am glad that TED is in rehab. that is great news, he is a fighter so he will fight for his happiness which is the only thing worth fighting for. he has you and sue and all of us here too!
keep your phone with you and sleep in your steel toes if you have to!!!! he will make contact with you. send him back to jail when he does so that he has consequences and more healing can take place. you will get through this-- just breathe and stay strong-- like you are doing. you will regain your strength and be amazed at how much energy you have with each new day. i remember six months after leaving my husband finally realizing that i had MY life back! i wasn't worrying about him anymore or he and i and our relationship ---just me and it was great!!! i used to worry about him sooo much and it was great to just worry about myself for a change. i didn't have to worry what he was going to do or if he was going to get upset and hurt me. i didn't have to worry about anything really and that was wonderful. well anything as crazy as what i had left behind there really was only one way to go and that was up! i got my own little apartment and decorated it and worked my job and had a normal life for a change!!!!! you are doing great and your courage is truly inspiring!
you are in my thoughts....love-alice
keep your phone with you and sleep in your steel toes if you have to!!!! he will make contact with you. send him back to jail when he does so that he has consequences and more healing can take place. you will get through this-- just breathe and stay strong-- like you are doing. you will regain your strength and be amazed at how much energy you have with each new day. i remember six months after leaving my husband finally realizing that i had MY life back! i wasn't worrying about him anymore or he and i and our relationship ---just me and it was great!!! i used to worry about him sooo much and it was great to just worry about myself for a change. i didn't have to worry what he was going to do or if he was going to get upset and hurt me. i didn't have to worry about anything really and that was wonderful. well anything as crazy as what i had left behind there really was only one way to go and that was up! i got my own little apartment and decorated it and worked my job and had a normal life for a change!!!!! you are doing great and your courage is truly inspiring!
you are in my thoughts....love-alice
MaryF
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: aceh,indonesia
Posts: 4
Patty
You are doing the right thing..focus on yourself and what you need and want and what you have to do to get them or to get the type of life that you want. Someone said to me once, ''being sober gives you a chance of being the person you want to be'', likewise being in a mature healthy loving relationship or being single and contented would do the same..keep it up..
love..k
You are doing the right thing..focus on yourself and what you need and want and what you have to do to get them or to get the type of life that you want. Someone said to me once, ''being sober gives you a chance of being the person you want to be'', likewise being in a mature healthy loving relationship or being single and contented would do the same..keep it up..
love..k
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Richmond,Virginia
Posts: 98
**ALICE WONDER, IT SURE WAS QUIT AROUND HERE LAST NIGHT WITHOUT TED HERE, HE ALWAYS KEEPS THINGS GOING. (A GOOD THING) DID'NT HEAR ANYTHING FROM THE BOYFRIEND YET. HOPE IT STAYS THAT WAY BUT..... I TOLD SUE LAST NIGHT THAT I THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD TRY AFTER SHE GOES TO WORK. WE'VE GOT THAT WONDERFUL CALLER ID AND VOICE MAIL SO THAT HELPS. HE LEFT A VOICE MAIL THE LAST TIME WHEN HE WAS IN JAIL AND THE ID SAID INMATE PHONE, THAT'S HOW I BUSTED HIM THEN. 
*** karenf, I'M TRYING TO STAY STRONG, IT'S REALLY HARD THOUGH, HE HAS BEEN IN JAIL FOR ALL OF THE TIME I'VE BEEN POSTING ON HERE, BUT NOW HE MIGHT BE OUT, NOT QUITE SURE. THEY POSTED BAIL YESTERDAY BUT DIDN'T KNOW IF HE ACTUALLY GOT OUT. I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED..... LOVE PATTY :amsmiling
*** karenf, I'M TRYING TO STAY STRONG, IT'S REALLY HARD THOUGH, HE HAS BEEN IN JAIL FOR ALL OF THE TIME I'VE BEEN POSTING ON HERE, BUT NOW HE MIGHT BE OUT, NOT QUITE SURE. THEY POSTED BAIL YESTERDAY BUT DIDN'T KNOW IF HE ACTUALLY GOT OUT. I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED..... LOVE PATTY :amsmiling
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi Patty
Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you.
If you need anything just let me know...
Maybe try some meditation...
DailyOM [[email protected]]
August 31, 2004
Insightful Illuminations
Candle Meditation
A lot of people like the idea of meditation, but it intimidates them. You may be one of these people that think, "I can't shut off my brain, I can't sit still, I'll look like a fool, what will my friends think..." These are all normal responses that keep us from trying meditation. But meditation isn't just for mystical individuals in faraway lands. It is, in its simplest form, a method to improve your focus and concentration; reduce tension, anxiety and stress; and promote creativity and improved performance in work and play. It requires no special clothing or equipment (except, in this case, a candle).
Here is a genuinely easy way to start a practice of daily meditation especially for those who think they can't do it.
* Pick a place in your home where you will not be disturbed.
* Try to have as quiet of atmosphere as possible, turning off phones and televisions.
* Find a comfortable place to sit where you can place a candle at least one foot in front of you at eye level. This may require you to be sitting on the floor on a cushion and perhaps having the candle on your coffee table.
* Light the candle and take three deep breaths (without blowing out the candle!)
* Set your intention that at this time you will begin your meditation
* Start to focus your eyes on the candle flame. Watch it flicker and dance, change color.
* Try now to focus only on the flame and clear your mind. Thoughts will come into your head, bills to pay, places to be, just let them drift into your mind and imagine them floating on a cloud passing by.
* You may feel like you want to close your eyes after a while, and that's fine -- just keep breathing and letting the thoughts drift by.
You will know when you are done. Maybe it's ten minutes, or twenty, but you will feel finished. It's always nice to say a gratitude, meaning just a few words of thanks, and gently blow out your candle.
Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you.
If you need anything just let me know...
Maybe try some meditation...
DailyOM [[email protected]]
August 31, 2004
Insightful Illuminations
Candle Meditation
A lot of people like the idea of meditation, but it intimidates them. You may be one of these people that think, "I can't shut off my brain, I can't sit still, I'll look like a fool, what will my friends think..." These are all normal responses that keep us from trying meditation. But meditation isn't just for mystical individuals in faraway lands. It is, in its simplest form, a method to improve your focus and concentration; reduce tension, anxiety and stress; and promote creativity and improved performance in work and play. It requires no special clothing or equipment (except, in this case, a candle).
Here is a genuinely easy way to start a practice of daily meditation especially for those who think they can't do it.
* Pick a place in your home where you will not be disturbed.
* Try to have as quiet of atmosphere as possible, turning off phones and televisions.
* Find a comfortable place to sit where you can place a candle at least one foot in front of you at eye level. This may require you to be sitting on the floor on a cushion and perhaps having the candle on your coffee table.
* Light the candle and take three deep breaths (without blowing out the candle!)
* Set your intention that at this time you will begin your meditation
* Start to focus your eyes on the candle flame. Watch it flicker and dance, change color.
* Try now to focus only on the flame and clear your mind. Thoughts will come into your head, bills to pay, places to be, just let them drift into your mind and imagine them floating on a cloud passing by.
* You may feel like you want to close your eyes after a while, and that's fine -- just keep breathing and letting the thoughts drift by.
You will know when you are done. Maybe it's ten minutes, or twenty, but you will feel finished. It's always nice to say a gratitude, meaning just a few words of thanks, and gently blow out your candle.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 353
Patty you are doing great. he will try to contact you it is inevitable as abusers do not understand bounries. i am glad you have a job! just be very careful not to tell anyone that connects to him about it. here's another alice story that relates to this!
i was working a waitressing job in Richmond getting money together to leave town with and he found out through a mutual aquaintance where i was working- showed up- caused a scene right in front of one of my tables screaming and yelling at me-- and then---he tried to pry my wedding ring off my finger!!!! i have a scar from where his nails were digging into me. it was a very nice restaurant and my table just sat there with their mouths hanging open but he didn't get the ring as it was very $$$$ (he had money) and i needed it to pawn and get the heck out of dodge.
take care of yourself really try to pamper yourself-- do your nails --take a bubble bath-- listen to pretty music and look at a lot of beauty in books or on the web. fill yourself with everything that is positive and wonderful you deserve it. if you can meditate please do. i am a buddhist and have added you and your brother to my daily chanting. sending you light and love- alice
i was working a waitressing job in Richmond getting money together to leave town with and he found out through a mutual aquaintance where i was working- showed up- caused a scene right in front of one of my tables screaming and yelling at me-- and then---he tried to pry my wedding ring off my finger!!!! i have a scar from where his nails were digging into me. it was a very nice restaurant and my table just sat there with their mouths hanging open but he didn't get the ring as it was very $$$$ (he had money) and i needed it to pawn and get the heck out of dodge.
take care of yourself really try to pamper yourself-- do your nails --take a bubble bath-- listen to pretty music and look at a lot of beauty in books or on the web. fill yourself with everything that is positive and wonderful you deserve it. if you can meditate please do. i am a buddhist and have added you and your brother to my daily chanting. sending you light and love- alice
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Richmond,Virginia
Posts: 98
ALICE WONDER-THANKS FOR THE INFO AGAIN! I HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE ABOUT MY JOB EXCEPT FOR ALL OF YOU AND THE CHANCES OF HIM KNOWING ANY OF YOU IS PRETTY SLIM. HAHAHA. HE DOES HAVE 5 SISTERS AND 1 BROTHER THAT ALL LIVE AND HAVE JOBS IN THIS GENERAL AREA SO IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL ONE OF THEM FINDS OUT. I DO HAVE MY RING FROM HIM IT HAS 13 DIAMONDS SO IF I GET THE NEED FOR EXTRA CASH I CAN GET RID OF MINE TOO. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. I AM TRYING TO TAKE CARE AS BEST I CAN, I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT BUDDHISTS' OR CHANTING BUT I DO APPRICIATE ANYTHING THAT COULD HELP. TAKE CARE-LOVE PATTY 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 353
Patty-- Buddhists are dedicated to the happiness of others and harmony among all people. we are comitted to non-violence. we chant to bring ourselves into harmony with the universe. while we are chanting we focus on people we would like to help and wish for wonderful things for them and that they find their true personal happiness. so the Buddha land exists everywhere. it is less of a religion and more of a practice or way of life. the highest form of my practice is to practice and chant for others which of course gives me much pleasure in return. i meet many Buddhist's who have not realized that they are Buddhists and may never realize it. Buddhism is a mind set. anyhow i thought i would explain a little as Buddhism is not well know here in the West.
Ebay for the ring sister! and make sure you post that he hurt you and you need the money to start a life without him! who knows maybe someone will feel bad for you and give you lots of $$$$ and then you will have a little cash to help yourself with. man i wish Ebay had been around when i was pawning my safire and diamond engagemnet ring! i would have donated half right back to the woman's shelter i ended up in.
i went a year later after i got my life stabilized and bought myself a divorce ring!!! nice rubies and everything!!!! i wore it for a long time till i felt better then i gave it to my sister because she has four kids and never gets anything nice. hang in there Patty you are doing well and please take extra care of yourself and give yourself a huge hug! love- alice
Ebay for the ring sister! and make sure you post that he hurt you and you need the money to start a life without him! who knows maybe someone will feel bad for you and give you lots of $$$$ and then you will have a little cash to help yourself with. man i wish Ebay had been around when i was pawning my safire and diamond engagemnet ring! i would have donated half right back to the woman's shelter i ended up in.
i went a year later after i got my life stabilized and bought myself a divorce ring!!! nice rubies and everything!!!! i wore it for a long time till i felt better then i gave it to my sister because she has four kids and never gets anything nice. hang in there Patty you are doing well and please take extra care of yourself and give yourself a huge hug! love- alice
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Richmond,Virginia
Posts: 98
ALICE WONDER-YOU JUST MADE MY DAY!!!! :laugh2: :laugh2: I WAS SITTING HERE READING YOUR POST BEING ALL SERIOUS. I GOT TO THE PART THAT SAID "EBAY THE RING SISTER" AND JUST STARTED LAUGHING. RUBIES AND DIAMONDS SOUNDS PRETTY COOL TOO. THAT'S MY BIRTHSTONE.(RUBIES). THANKS FOR THE EXPLANATION ON BUDDHISM. I'VE HEARD OF IT BUT DIDN'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS. HAPPINESS, HARMONY, AND NON-VIOLENCE SOUNDS GREAT TO ME. THANKS ONCE AGAIN. I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU, IT SEEMS LIKE I'VE KNOWN YOU FOREVER! -LOVE PATTY
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Richmond,Virginia
Posts: 98
Usteptoo, I Was Posting When You Were And Missed Yours, Sorry. I Am Already Out! Wednesday Will Be 2 Weeks That I've Been Out. I Still Love Him But I've Been Through This Before, I Made Up My Mind That I Will Not Be Beat Anymore!!!!!!!! Thanks Though, I Wasn't Offended. Love Patty
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
((((Patty))))
I've only just read this post, and can't tell you how sorry I am to hear of all that you've had happen in such a short time. I also have to say, please take Ann's posts very seriously. My ex husband beat on my from the time I was 14 til I was 18 and finally found the courage to leave. For a few years he seems to have gotten it together, then he put his second wife in the hospital for a month. It doesn't get better. I hate it for you that you have to deal with it... but congrats on the new job. Keep staying strong, you're worth much more than he deserves. My best wishes to Ted.
Trisha
I've only just read this post, and can't tell you how sorry I am to hear of all that you've had happen in such a short time. I also have to say, please take Ann's posts very seriously. My ex husband beat on my from the time I was 14 til I was 18 and finally found the courage to leave. For a few years he seems to have gotten it together, then he put his second wife in the hospital for a month. It doesn't get better. I hate it for you that you have to deal with it... but congrats on the new job. Keep staying strong, you're worth much more than he deserves. My best wishes to Ted.
Trisha
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Richmond,Virginia
Posts: 98
Abtchonamission, I Didn't Know You Had Already Found This Site, I Sent You A Pm To Let You Know It Was Here. Sorry To Hear About Your Past Experience, Knowbody Should Have To Deal With That. I'll Give Ted Your Best Wishes When I See Or Talk To Him Again. Thanks-love Patty
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
