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Insanity

Old 03-09-2016, 12:43 PM
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Insanity

I had 4 days again, then was going to take my girlfriend out to eat. I wanted to drink all of the sudden so I carefully made a joke to her about drinking. When she didn't seem like she'd be too upset if I did, I knew I was going to.

We went to a restaurant and I realized I didn't have my ID .. they always ask for it. So we left. Went home for my ID and then went to another restaurant. I didn't drink as much as I would have at home but drank enough I shouldn't of been driving. But I did anyway.


Today I bought more beer but am not enjoying it .. I got a book in the mail today, the "Rational Recovery" book I bought a few days ago. It is sitting on the arm of my couch and I'm hoping it contains something that really resonates with me. But I've bought books with high hopes before of learning whatever they had to offer and those books ended up on the shelf for months.

We'll see.
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Old 03-09-2016, 12:47 PM
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No matter what books and programs have to offer, you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.
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Old 03-09-2016, 12:49 PM
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It takes commitment and acceptance to make this work. It sounds like you were looking for a way out, maybe? I'm glad you're back now.

For me, books were the answer and the first three years I was sober was due to amazing books. They weren't books specifically on alcoholism because I knew that wasn't going to be enough. I needed to change myself from the inside out and that's what worked for me:

The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
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Old 03-09-2016, 12:51 PM
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Recovery is not a spectator sport.

And when you do decide to quit, tell your girlfriend.
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Old 03-09-2016, 12:53 PM
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I guess this what they mean by "Rock bottom" in A.A.

Not that I am at that yet .. but maybe only a rock bottom can bring about that desire to stay sober more than drinking mentality.

My father had to lose everything and go to jail before he was able to be sober. I want to get sober before bad things happen, but can't seem to maintain that desire for very long.
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Old 03-09-2016, 01:02 PM
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Not that I am at that yet .. but maybe only a rock bottom can bring about that desire to stay sober more than drinking mentality.
What is exactly rock bottom? I heard it said that every bottom has a trap door and for some like my XABF, rock bottom is death.
I am what some would call a "high bottom" alcoholic. The way I see it is that I have little tolerance for pain.
Books are great but you also have to take action and the first action is to quit drinking and to commit to not drink no matter what.
Have you read about AVRT? It s a good technique to recognize that voice in your head which tells you that you have not hit rock bottom yet and that it is ok to drink because your gf won't be too upset.
It is also a way to recognize that this was not an impulse/spur of the moment thing but that you actually made a conscious decision to drink since you turned back to get your id!
A lot of people flirting with relapsing would probably have seen not having an id as a lucky break and would have enjoyed a soda or a juice at the restaurant.
You will have to make up your mind as to whether you want to be sober or not and that is unfortunately something we cannot do for you.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
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Old 03-09-2016, 01:28 PM
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If books sometimes sit on the shelf, then can I highly recommend you start your research on AVRT with the online Crash Course (just Google that for a link). It's free, and is the theory behind AVRT in an easy to follow way. I never did read the book, the online version did the trick for me. But also, I think you ordered the Allen Carr How to Control Your Drinking book? For me that was a great additional weapon against that part of me that might say driving back to get my ID, so I can then drink and drive later, rather than just staying at the restaurant and enjoying a sober meal, was a good idea.

I decided to quit drinking before I hit a rock bottom. I have a wife, children, a home, I didn't want to lose all of that for the sake of alcohol. If you'd had an accident while driving home over the limit, possibly injured or killed your girlfriend, or some stranger and their family, you would be at your rock bottom right now. Maybe see that as a lucky escape for you. Lives can change forever in an instant, from one bad decision. I really hope you choose to skip hitting that rock bottom. Why not throw out the rest of that beer you bought and start your sober journey again right now. We'll all be here to try and help you every step of the way.
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Old 03-09-2016, 02:14 PM
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The AV says later is better, even just a real short later like Tomorrow.
Now is always the best time, if you think about it , it really is all we have, we constantly live , exist in the Now.
"Getting" sober later ,even soon, is the only hook the AV needs to dig in. You got this, you can do this and you can do it now. Rooting for ya
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Old 03-09-2016, 03:11 PM
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slippery slope--stop now
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Old 03-09-2016, 03:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Grendhar View Post
I guess this what they mean by "Rock bottom" in A.A.

Not that I am at that yet .. but maybe only a rock bottom can bring about that desire to stay sober more than drinking mentality.

My father had to lose everything and go to jail before he was able to be sober. I want to get sober before bad things happen, but can't seem to maintain that desire for very long.
you can choose what your rock bottom is.
to keep the desire, just look at what alcohol has already done ( ya drove drunk. forunately ya didnt hurt anyone.....yet)and what its going to do if ya keep drinkin.
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Old 03-09-2016, 03:49 PM
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Grendhar,

books don't do it, no matter where they sit. implementing what they suggest has a far better chance!

the idea of the maintained desire as necessity isn't actually necessary, either. you can't rely on the desire to always be there. as you know.
the desire for long-term sobriety can get sidetracked by a short-term desire for relief of some sort, by poor impulse control, by a momentary wth...all these are reasons why people like Dee start threads about the importance of plans. the importance of making one and following it, no matter what the good idea of the moment is.
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Old 03-09-2016, 04:31 PM
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Thumbs up

Originally Posted by OpenTuning View Post
If books sometimes sit on the shelf, then can I highly recommend you start your research on AVRT with the online Crash Course (just Google that for a link). It's free, and is the theory behind AVRT in an easy to follow way. I never did read the book, the online version did the trick for me.
Thanks for the reference! Never heard of it before, read it and loved it. It appeals so much more than "lifetime ongoing recovery that never ends". Of course, it's only a matter of personal choice.
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Old 03-09-2016, 07:30 PM
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Hi Grendhar,

I'm sorry you decided to drink. I hope you decide to pick up that book or reread the link about plans. It does get easier, and you will find lots of support here.
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Old 03-09-2016, 11:32 PM
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Hi Grendhar

I saw you asked recently about plans

It all sounds really good but my question is, what would make a person who really wants a drink open up their 3 ring binder and look at their plan?
You need to have the desire for change.

You have to be prepared to work to have that change happen.

You need to be prepared for a little discomfort and a little self-deprivation.


You can see that you put a lot of effort into your drinking - going home to get your ID - right?
You need to put that level of commitment and effort, an d a little bit more, into not drinking.

I can't tell you how to make better decisions, man.

I can tell you how I got that desire - I lost everything and nearly died from my drinking.
It's not a way I recommend for you or anyone else.

I do know you'll be better off stopping sooner rather than later.
The sooner you stop, the more things you get to keep - family, relationships, dignity, jobs, respect, trust...

Maybe it's a good idea to re-read your old posts - get an idea of whats at stake when you allow that thought of drinking again to take over.

Having a recovery plan that targets those mad ideas will be a help. If you've thought about it enough and put in enough effort into devising it, you should know what to do without needed to open the binder

and no matter what you decide - please don't drive and drive - a DUI, or even worse an accident, is not something you want to be dealing with now.

D
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Old 03-10-2016, 03:21 PM
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Hello.

Thank you for the responses.

I didn't drink today. I felt tired as I didn't sleep well, severe heartburn. It's easier for me not to drink when I am still sick from the previous days drinking. Not always, but that is how it has been happening.

So even though I got through today it doesn't mean much. Tomorrow my battle will begin. I'll feel better.

Going to read some of my RR book and SR.
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Old 03-10-2016, 03:35 PM
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So, Grendhar, this is your chance to make a plan for tomorrow so that you don't decide to drink again. Keep yourself busy, meet up with a sober friend, go to a movie, anything that will change your routine and distract you for a bit.
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Old 03-11-2016, 02:08 AM
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Alcohol still has a firm grip on you and for different people, different ways work to take away that grip.

The fact that you left the restaurant to get your ID and then also drove while you had too much should concern you.

Rock bottom is not necessary. Some people hit is because of the place they've gotten to, but to keep drinking for the purpose of getting there is madness. It's not necessary.

Find whatever works for you, but now you can take on the attitude that alcohol isn't an option anymore. Period. Not ever.

What do you think is the reason you keep ending up drinking again?
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Old 03-11-2016, 04:38 AM
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Surprised if I'm honest you were doing well Grendhar my advice would be none of this again in early sobriety list possible triggers and avoid while strenghtening your sobriety

Bottom line is you gotta want it not telling ppl you want it but by doing it showing you want it

Rooting for you and everyone else trying to stay sober
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Old 03-11-2016, 05:17 AM
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Low bottom drunk here. I lost a job, a fiance, self respect and damn near my freedom. The signs were there for years and I lurked around here for years. Made half hearted attempts at counseling where I went and told them exactly what they wanted to hear. If you wait for rock bottom I can promise you it will come.
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Old 03-11-2016, 05:41 AM
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Grendhar, what is one thing you can do right now that is of help to get you sober? Something different than what you've before. Challenging, but only mildly.

Do that and you will have taken another step.
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