PAWS or Grief or Both?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
PAWS or Grief or Both?
So I have been sober for a little over 9 months. This January my Uncle Paul, who was my Godfather, passed away. I was very sad. I sent him a card in the hospital thanking him for all he did for me as a kid (we had lost touch over the years but he knew about my struggle as he is also an alcoholic - was sober 10 years when he died). I was sad for a few weeks but I got through it.
My mom passed away in 2007 and I miss her terribly. Her best friend became a mentor and mother figure to me in the wake of my mom's passing. She also knew about my struggle and was instrumental in getting me into treatment. She died suddenly this past Friday and I am very, very sad and anxious about it. I really miss her.
Over the past few days I have been feeling tired, anxious, squirrelly....restless, irritable and discontent. I wake up and my heart is pounding and I feel like I am in "fight or flight" mode. I had a meltdown yesterday evening...crying and sobbing because I couldn't get my computer to connect to the internet.
I woke up this morning and learned my Aunt (who I was not all that close with) died late last night. And instead of intense sadness I felt super anxious again. Like....adreniline rush big time!
I'm feeling really out of control. And I am....because let's face it, I cannot control who lives and who dies. I am not even thinking of a drink. I know that won't make anything better. But I'm just super nervous and sad and anxiety riddled today and needed to get that off my chest.
Thanks for listening peoples!
My mom passed away in 2007 and I miss her terribly. Her best friend became a mentor and mother figure to me in the wake of my mom's passing. She also knew about my struggle and was instrumental in getting me into treatment. She died suddenly this past Friday and I am very, very sad and anxious about it. I really miss her.
Over the past few days I have been feeling tired, anxious, squirrelly....restless, irritable and discontent. I wake up and my heart is pounding and I feel like I am in "fight or flight" mode. I had a meltdown yesterday evening...crying and sobbing because I couldn't get my computer to connect to the internet.
I woke up this morning and learned my Aunt (who I was not all that close with) died late last night. And instead of intense sadness I felt super anxious again. Like....adreniline rush big time!
I'm feeling really out of control. And I am....because let's face it, I cannot control who lives and who dies. I am not even thinking of a drink. I know that won't make anything better. But I'm just super nervous and sad and anxiety riddled today and needed to get that off my chest.
Thanks for listening peoples!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
It's hard to come to terms with the reality that death isn't optional. I'm struggling with this myself...I've lost three of my dogs in two years, my mother has been at death's door several times over the past four months, and five people we know that are my husband's age have died suddenly recently...and he has been sick for two days with some mystery stomach ailment. My anxiety over this is through the roof.
Let's face it, we don't do loss or worry very well. I believe many of us are HSPs...highly sensitive people...and we feel emotions very intensely and physically.
When all else fails...go for a run.
Sendng you a hug.
Let's face it, we don't do loss or worry very well. I believe many of us are HSPs...highly sensitive people...and we feel emotions very intensely and physically.
When all else fails...go for a run.
Sendng you a hug.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Bunny, I'm sorry for all the losses in your life. I'm glad that you are working on dealing with the feelings that you're having.
I wonder if you think journaling might help with your feelings of anxiety? It's often something that helps me when I feel like I'm really anxious. Sometimes, putting your feelings down on paper, takes away their power.
I wonder if you think journaling might help with your feelings of anxiety? It's often something that helps me when I feel like I'm really anxious. Sometimes, putting your feelings down on paper, takes away their power.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Bunny I think it could be both and any number of things.
I'm so sorry for your losses.
Do you think you could get to some meetings, or do you have a sponsor to talk to? That really helps me when I'm uncertain where my feelings are coming from.
The other thing I was thinking was do you have a recovery plan? I wonder if breaking that out or doing some step work might help you feel a bit better. And I think what Anna said about journaling has a lot of merit too.
I agree with what Ariesagain said as well. I think our brains process emotions differently than non addicts. We spent so much time and energy numbing ourselves out to our emotions that sobriety can be overwhelming even when we feel like we have a good grasp on it. I try very hard to look honestly at my negative emotions to see where they are coming from and to come up with ways to process and counteract them. A lot of times action is the answer. So calling someone, posting, doing some kind of service work, and journaling helps me. When I'm at a complete loss, I pray. I pray every day to my dear friend who passed away at 33 last year.
I know for me it's hard to deal with grief properly because I'm realizing I've never learned how to work through any of the Bad Things That Happened To Me properly other than trying to "control" my world or my feelings with drinking. Perhaps you are coming to terms with things that are not in your control.
Whatever the case may be, I hope you find some outlets for your anxiety and a pathway back to peace. Much love
Del
I'm so sorry for your losses.
Do you think you could get to some meetings, or do you have a sponsor to talk to? That really helps me when I'm uncertain where my feelings are coming from.
The other thing I was thinking was do you have a recovery plan? I wonder if breaking that out or doing some step work might help you feel a bit better. And I think what Anna said about journaling has a lot of merit too.
I agree with what Ariesagain said as well. I think our brains process emotions differently than non addicts. We spent so much time and energy numbing ourselves out to our emotions that sobriety can be overwhelming even when we feel like we have a good grasp on it. I try very hard to look honestly at my negative emotions to see where they are coming from and to come up with ways to process and counteract them. A lot of times action is the answer. So calling someone, posting, doing some kind of service work, and journaling helps me. When I'm at a complete loss, I pray. I pray every day to my dear friend who passed away at 33 last year.
I know for me it's hard to deal with grief properly because I'm realizing I've never learned how to work through any of the Bad Things That Happened To Me properly other than trying to "control" my world or my feelings with drinking. Perhaps you are coming to terms with things that are not in your control.
Whatever the case may be, I hope you find some outlets for your anxiety and a pathway back to peace. Much love
Del
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Originally Posted by Delizadee 
Bunny I think it could be both and any number of things.
I'm so sorry for your losses.
Do you think you could get to some meetings, or do you have a sponsor to talk to? That really helps me when I'm uncertain where my feelings are coming from.
The other thing I was thinking was do you have a recovery plan? I wonder if breaking that out or doing some step work might help you feel a bit better. And I think what Anna said about journaling has a lot of merit too.
I agree with what Ariesagain said as well. I think our brains process emotions differently than non addicts. We spent so much time and energy numbing ourselves out to our emotions that sobriety can be overwhelming even when we feel like we have a good grasp on it. I try very hard to look honestly at my negative emotions to see where they are coming from and to come up with ways to process and counteract them. A lot of times action is the answer. So calling someone, posting, doing some kind of service work, and journaling helps me. When I'm at a complete loss, I pray. I pray every day to my dear friend who passed away at 33 last year.
I know for me it's hard to deal with grief properly because I'm realizing I've never learned how to work through any of the Bad Things That Happened To Me properly other than trying to "control" my world or my feelings with drinking. Perhaps you are coming to terms with things that are not in your control.
Whatever the case may be, I hope you find some outlets for your anxiety and a pathway back to peace. Much love
Del
I'm so sorry for your losses.
Do you think you could get to some meetings, or do you have a sponsor to talk to? That really helps me when I'm uncertain where my feelings are coming from.
The other thing I was thinking was do you have a recovery plan? I wonder if breaking that out or doing some step work might help you feel a bit better. And I think what Anna said about journaling has a lot of merit too.
I agree with what Ariesagain said as well. I think our brains process emotions differently than non addicts. We spent so much time and energy numbing ourselves out to our emotions that sobriety can be overwhelming even when we feel like we have a good grasp on it. I try very hard to look honestly at my negative emotions to see where they are coming from and to come up with ways to process and counteract them. A lot of times action is the answer. So calling someone, posting, doing some kind of service work, and journaling helps me. When I'm at a complete loss, I pray. I pray every day to my dear friend who passed away at 33 last year.
I know for me it's hard to deal with grief properly because I'm realizing I've never learned how to work through any of the Bad Things That Happened To Me properly other than trying to "control" my world or my feelings with drinking. Perhaps you are coming to terms with things that are not in your control.
Whatever the case may be, I hope you find some outlets for your anxiety and a pathway back to peace. Much love
Del
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Originally Posted by Ariesagain
I know...there are days when I want to send my mind to its room until it can be more respectful!
Have you had any success cutting down the caffeine?
Have you had any success cutting down the caffeine?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Bunny211
So I have been sober for a little over 9 months. This January my Uncle Paul, who was my Godfather, passed away. I was very sad. I sent him a card in the hospital thanking him for all he did for me as a kid (we had lost touch over the years but he knew about my struggle as he is also an alcoholic - was sober 10 years when he died). I was sad for a few weeks but I got through it.
My mom passed away in 2007 and I miss her terribly. Her best friend became a mentor and mother figure to me in the wake of my mom's passing. She also knew about my struggle and was instrumental in getting me into treatment. She died suddenly this past Friday and I am very, very sad and anxious about it. I really miss her.
Over the past few days I have been feeling tired, anxious, squirrelly....restless, irritable and discontent. I wake up and my heart is pounding and I feel like I am in "fight or flight" mode. I had a meltdown yesterday evening...crying and sobbing because I couldn't get my computer to connect to the internet.
I woke up this morning and learned my Aunt (who I was not all that close with) died late last night. And instead of intense sadness I felt super anxious again. Like....adreniline rush big time!
I'm feeling really out of control. And I am....because let's face it, I cannot control who lives and who dies. I am not even thinking of a drink. I know that won't make anything better. But I'm just super nervous and sad and anxiety riddled today and needed to get that off my chest.
Thanks for listening peoples!
My mom passed away in 2007 and I miss her terribly. Her best friend became a mentor and mother figure to me in the wake of my mom's passing. She also knew about my struggle and was instrumental in getting me into treatment. She died suddenly this past Friday and I am very, very sad and anxious about it. I really miss her.
Over the past few days I have been feeling tired, anxious, squirrelly....restless, irritable and discontent. I wake up and my heart is pounding and I feel like I am in "fight or flight" mode. I had a meltdown yesterday evening...crying and sobbing because I couldn't get my computer to connect to the internet.
I woke up this morning and learned my Aunt (who I was not all that close with) died late last night. And instead of intense sadness I felt super anxious again. Like....adreniline rush big time!
I'm feeling really out of control. And I am....because let's face it, I cannot control who lives and who dies. I am not even thinking of a drink. I know that won't make anything better. But I'm just super nervous and sad and anxiety riddled today and needed to get that off my chest.
Thanks for listening peoples!
See the part in bold above. That is the core of your anxiety I think. I'd work on both feeling out of control. You might feel that way but might have more control than you think. But if you feel out of control, you're not going to see that very easily.
Second, I'd work on how you respond to situation where you have no control. My guess is you feel helpless. Or something else, but whatever it is, I'd look into it.
Wishing you the best Bunny. And take a deep breath, relax and know we're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,479
I just lost my mom 3 weeks ago. I don't have any anxiety issues but I sure am now. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and lose someone else. You have lost so much in such a short period of time. You would have to be a super human to not be feeling the effects of all that. Huge (((hugs)))) 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
thats quite a bit there,bunny.
one thing im convinced of is that God doesnt give us anything He hasnt prepared us for.
after reading your other thread i strongly suggest reaching out to them members in your HG.
dont know how your HG is structured but ya may want to bring it up at a meeting if the chair asks for topics or pressing issues.
and stay close to your HP
one thing im convinced of is that God doesnt give us anything He hasnt prepared us for.
after reading your other thread i strongly suggest reaching out to them members in your HG.
dont know how your HG is structured but ya may want to bring it up at a meeting if the chair asks for topics or pressing issues.
and stay close to your HP
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Hang in there. The feelings you have are normal, you just don't have your security blanket.
MikeM hit the nail on the head about feeling out of control and anxiety. There's a reason the serenity prayer starts with asking for serenity to accept the things we cannot change - there's a lot more of those than there are things that we can.
IME, addicts tend to be control freaks and we think that if everything goes our way we'll be ok, but if they don't we won't be ok. Life really doesn't care about what we think we need, it just happens. In recovery I have learned that I can be OK no matter what. First I relied upon watching and hearing about the experience of others as they stayed clean through the trials of life. Then I "came to believe" through my own experiences. - Congrats! you are experiencing the same process. We find out that not only can we survive life, we can survive our own emotions and have faith that "this too shall pass".
Doesn't make it any easier.
MikeM hit the nail on the head about feeling out of control and anxiety. There's a reason the serenity prayer starts with asking for serenity to accept the things we cannot change - there's a lot more of those than there are things that we can.
IME, addicts tend to be control freaks and we think that if everything goes our way we'll be ok, but if they don't we won't be ok. Life really doesn't care about what we think we need, it just happens. In recovery I have learned that I can be OK no matter what. First I relied upon watching and hearing about the experience of others as they stayed clean through the trials of life. Then I "came to believe" through my own experiences. - Congrats! you are experiencing the same process. We find out that not only can we survive life, we can survive our own emotions and have faith that "this too shall pass".
Doesn't make it any easier.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Bunny - I'm sorry for your recent loss and the loss of your mom.
for what it's worth I hear step 4 often dredges up a lot of 'stuff'...when you consider you've also recently had a loss I think it's natural to feel grief - not to mention tired anxious and squirrely...
I recently lost a god parent too and for me, aside from the sadness of loss, it's like another strand connecting me to the past is gone...
one one level that's scary - I can feel the scared anxious 5 year old me in there, the little kid who equates change with loss and pain, and vice versa...
but I'm also a nearly 50 year old man and my life is good in the present - I just have to remember that when my heart starts racing
D
for what it's worth I hear step 4 often dredges up a lot of 'stuff'...when you consider you've also recently had a loss I think it's natural to feel grief - not to mention tired anxious and squirrely...
I recently lost a god parent too and for me, aside from the sadness of loss, it's like another strand connecting me to the past is gone...
one one level that's scary - I can feel the scared anxious 5 year old me in there, the little kid who equates change with loss and pain, and vice versa...
but I'm also a nearly 50 year old man and my life is good in the present - I just have to remember that when my heart starts racing
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
