Self-Esteem @ 10 Months
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 2
Self-Esteem @ 10 Months
10 months after my last drink and I'm in the dumps. Since I've quit drinking my social life has imploded. I've had such bad social anxiety that I can hardly function.
I'm seeing a therapist and reading everything I can get my hands on. Still, I wonder: How did I go for so long with such deep rooted unhappiness? Is this who I am? Will I recover my sense of self worth and self confidence?
I feel like sobriety is one of those HGTV home renovation shows where a "simple" flip turns out to be a nightmare overhaul. 10,000 budget, 100,000 dollars later!
I've always felt insecure, but my loss of interpersonal connections following sobriety has been trying to say the least. There's so much history between me and other people in this small town. Sometimes I feel trapped (I've read this is a symptom of low self esteem).
I'm considering moving to a new city, away from my family and old friends. Maybe it would help to start a new, sober life somewhere else. Has anyone here dealt with severely low self esteem that revealed itself after quitting? Does a change of scenery help when coupled with therapy? Any advice would be appreciated.
I'm seeing a therapist and reading everything I can get my hands on. Still, I wonder: How did I go for so long with such deep rooted unhappiness? Is this who I am? Will I recover my sense of self worth and self confidence?
I feel like sobriety is one of those HGTV home renovation shows where a "simple" flip turns out to be a nightmare overhaul. 10,000 budget, 100,000 dollars later!
I've always felt insecure, but my loss of interpersonal connections following sobriety has been trying to say the least. There's so much history between me and other people in this small town. Sometimes I feel trapped (I've read this is a symptom of low self esteem).
I'm considering moving to a new city, away from my family and old friends. Maybe it would help to start a new, sober life somewhere else. Has anyone here dealt with severely low self esteem that revealed itself after quitting? Does a change of scenery help when coupled with therapy? Any advice would be appreciated.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I don't have any advice... I'm a few months behind you and wrestling with lots of self doubt as well. Just wanted to say hello, congratulations on 10 months. I'm turning out to be more of a fixer-upper than I anticipated, too 
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Congrats on ten months sober! 
Have you ever tried practicing gratitude? I started doing that early in recovery and it really changed my attitude for the better. Now I'm focused on the positive instead of the negative. Give gratitude a try. It helped me a lot.
Have you ever tried practicing gratitude? I started doing that early in recovery and it really changed my attitude for the better. Now I'm focused on the positive instead of the negative. Give gratitude a try. It helped me a lot. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
Sounds like a case of PAWS possibly. I was pretty bad off at 10 months too. Keep at it cuz you're getting over the hump and should see improvement slowly soon. I found this website around 10 months searching "10 months sober and depressed". The silver lining to PAWS is it is a sign your brain is indeed repairing itself. Good job getting this far. This is the time where the rubber meets the road. Keep it up!
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I've tried the geographic cure and it didn't work when I had the idea that the new place would solve my problems. However, I also know how suffocating small towns can be, and can see a move as the most efficient way to remove toxic people and influenced from my life.
That said, the hardest thing for me to learn was to build a new social life. I only knew alcohol and bars. It is such an easy and convenient way to meet people and socialize; and it is so heavily marketed as THE way. I had to learn there are lots of other ways to socialize. For me, it is getting involved in local comedy and improv classes. Great people, fun times, and they are definitely not there to drink.
As for building self-esteem, I find it is a slow process of doing the right things over and over again. For me, it was not a secret to be unlocked.
That said, the hardest thing for me to learn was to build a new social life. I only knew alcohol and bars. It is such an easy and convenient way to meet people and socialize; and it is so heavily marketed as THE way. I had to learn there are lots of other ways to socialize. For me, it is getting involved in local comedy and improv classes. Great people, fun times, and they are definitely not there to drink.
As for building self-esteem, I find it is a slow process of doing the right things over and over again. For me, it was not a secret to be unlocked.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
One thing I have often heard in 'recovery circles' is to not make any major life decisions in the first twelve months of sobriety.
Too often we expect our lives to change dramatically - as you say, like a light switch being flicked.
Unfortunately, learning how to live sober is a process. Fully embracing the change you are experiencing a big part of it. Learning how to adapt to everything being new is also a process. Some go to therapy or engage in other self-help programs and some get involved with other groups centered around 'recovery'.
Until you are secure with this change in your life and learn how to adapt to it, moving to another location could possibly be nothing more than relocating your issues. It could, however, be a spark to promote a new growth in you and your outlook. But that may belie the fact that you are still carrying your issues around with you.
I myself am considering relocating for a 'new start'. I also have 2 years of sobriety. In the first year + I wasn't ready to do anything that drastic.
Take the time to think about everything that bothers you and if you move away from it, will it still bother you?
Most likely.
Focus on learning how to deal with the problems at hand. These will surface in other people throughout your entire life. Learning how to deal with them now will prepare you for how to deal with them later.
Good Luck.
Too often we expect our lives to change dramatically - as you say, like a light switch being flicked.
Unfortunately, learning how to live sober is a process. Fully embracing the change you are experiencing a big part of it. Learning how to adapt to everything being new is also a process. Some go to therapy or engage in other self-help programs and some get involved with other groups centered around 'recovery'.
Until you are secure with this change in your life and learn how to adapt to it, moving to another location could possibly be nothing more than relocating your issues. It could, however, be a spark to promote a new growth in you and your outlook. But that may belie the fact that you are still carrying your issues around with you.
I myself am considering relocating for a 'new start'. I also have 2 years of sobriety. In the first year + I wasn't ready to do anything that drastic.
Take the time to think about everything that bothers you and if you move away from it, will it still bother you?
Most likely.
Focus on learning how to deal with the problems at hand. These will surface in other people throughout your entire life. Learning how to deal with them now will prepare you for how to deal with them later.
Good Luck.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
