ItsJustMe89

I got a new roommate 2 weeks ago and she doesn't know about my drinking problem. Because I am good at hiding it. I drink quietly, alone in my room at night after she has gone to sleep. I keep my bedroom door closed all the time so she won't see the bottles in there. But since she moved in I have noticed that I haven't been getting to meetings because she will want to make dinner together and I don't know what excuse or lie to tell her about where I am going when I try to get to meetings. Not that she is expecting that I tell her everything... just she will ask me what my plans are for the night and I don't know what to say so I just end up staying home and making dinner with her instead of running off to an evening meeting. She isn't a drinker. She is not an alcoholic and when she does drink, it is a very tiny amount and not very often. She does smoke marijuana tho. I am just not ready to tell people that I am an alcoholic. I would rather go to meetings, figure out a way to stop drinking, and then once I am sober I can tell people who need to know. Also, she keeps encouraging me to date. Like getting dating apps and stuff. Which would be great except, if I have any shot of getting sober I will have a better chance if I am not involved in a relationship. So im not sure how to explain to her that im just staying single and trying not to get involved without having to tell her about my drinking issues. Any advice on the roommate thing would be great.

I am going to a 10pm meeting tonight and hopefully will have the courage to get a white chip. Today is my day 1 for the god-only-knows-how-many'th time.

least

Just tell her you don't drink, and then - don't drink. As to the meetings, just tell her you're meeting a friend for coffee.

ItsJustMe89

Its not that I need to tell her I don't drink cause like I said, she doesn't drink very often.. in the 2 weeks that she has been here I have not seen her have a drink once. And she hasn't seen me have a drink either because I do it alone in my room after she is in bed. The issue is trying to explain where I am going all the time for only an hour and half in the evenings when she is asking if I want to make dinner with her. And explaining why I am staying single and cant do online dating or dating apps. Its sorta tough to find a reason why I would not be interested in finding a relationship when I have already been single for over 2 years... without telling her that the reason is because I need to work on getting sober.

As far as saying I am meeting a friend for coffee.. that is a lot of coffee on the regular. And she will ask if it was a date.

Zebra1275

What's the harm in telling her?

You might find an unexpected source of support. And she may already have a suspicion that something is going on. Hiding in your room and drinking at night and thinking she won't notice, is not going to work long term. Alcohol does smell, and she probably notices that you are not quite yourself every morning.

Dee74

Where you go and what you do is your business, period.

Make sure your AV's not using this an an excuse not to get to meetings.

D

Wastinglife

Tell her you are going to a yoga class...book club....volunteering at a soup kitchen??? Or, much easier, just tell her you have issues with alcohol. It sounds like you two get along well and that she can be a trusted friend.

fantail

What about going to a meeting on your way home from work, so that you don't even cross paths with her? Or going in the morning, or on your lunch break? As for the dating, it's easy enough to say that you're working on yourself right now.

You can do this. Once you're on the right track it'll start to feel natural.

NIC37

Hi I'm new to recovery after trying so many times but my recovery definitely started when I admitted not just to myself but ppl close to me that I am an alcoholic. Before this only my partner knew and 2 other close family relations. The only way I am doing this now is I have told MORE ppl in my family therefore 9am not lying to all the ppl that matter about why I'm not drinking!! This his is the first time I have never wanted to drink! I'm taking one day at a time but first time I have got this far with NOT or feeling tempted to have a drink.

Maybe it might be worth telling her? May be an excellent support for you?