sadsadgirl

Hi there, I drank last night and this morning again. I hate this ride and want to get off. I'm sick and tired. My trigger was freaking out about going on a date with a guy. But I've completely ruined that now. I didn't believe he was actually interested in me and thought he was stringing me along. Now he doesn't want to know. No matter how amazingly well suited he is for me I just can't be in a relationship at the moment. I feel like I moved my obsession with alcohol onto an obsession with trying to win him over. But because my head is messed up I can't make it work. I'm gutted but I think that it's best for my sobriety to do it alone. How does a young single girl do this?

Anna

I think you are absolutely right. First and foremost you need to get to know and love yourself and then, hopefully, you will believe that the right guy will come along.

You've recognized this trigger so be kind to yourself and focus on you. You can do this!

Bunny211

Hi. I am sorry you picked up. But you can do this. I'm also a young woman trying to stay sober. For me, I decided I could not be in a relationship my first year. I had an on again/off again long term BF that I had to say goodbye to. I just couldn't handle the emotions of a new/or on again/off again relationship AND stay sober. My sobriety has to come first, always. Without that, I have nothing. My advice: Commit to staying sober for a year. In that year - no boys, no bars, no clubs, no vacations with old drinking buddies, no major changes. Get some comfy pajamas and prepare yourself to do a lot of relaxing and soul searching. You CAN do this!

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Sadsad. I think you need to concentrate on your sobriety first and foremost. The fact that you are young and single doesn't really matter, anyone can get sober no matter how old they are or whatever their relationship status might be. It's also pretty commonly recommended that starting a relationship when you are trying to get sober is not a very good idea, you need to take care of yourself first.

I'd highly recommend you seek some help with your sobriety and other issues in person. Going to recovery meetings ( AA/NA/Smart, etc ) would be a fantastic place to start. Talking with a counselor/doctor would also be a good idea.

The bottom line is that you are the only one that can make the decision to quit...and seek the necessary help. If you are willing to do the work, you can absolutely get out of this mess.

Ariesagain

You won't have a healthy relationship until you start believing you are worthy of one and that won't happen until you have some solid sober time. Been there and have several tee shirts...

You can't make a guy be interested in you. Oh, he'll probably have sex with you, but you seem to want more, right?

Put guys next to the bottle and walk away from both.

ccam1973

A lot of good advice here SSG. You won't be truly happy unless you concentrate on yourself first. That takes dedication and commitment, but you are strong enough to make this happen. You deserve to be happy.

Work on you, then everything else will fall into place.

entropy1964

Hi SSG
I know exactly how you are feeling. I ended a 2 year relationship last summer and it has been a rocky ride. I'm lonely. I'll go to a meet up or some get together and I end up with 5 men calling me....I want to go out but it makes me so anxious and makes me vulnerable to drinking. And so much of dating, in the beginning, involves alcohol. I have had to face that my only option at this point is being solo and focusing on me. I focus on yoga in the morning, my house/dogs and family during the day, and maybe even hit the gym in the evenings that I am alone. Not exactly a rip roaring time but I'm at least around others and there's no chance of drinking. AA is always an option too. I don't have to be a hardcore AAer to benefit from the fellowship.

So as one poster put it, pull out the comfy clothes, become friends with reading and netflix, and give yourself the time you need to get strong in your recovery. I did date after a year of sobriety and had a pretty good run. But I didn't deal with the real problems I have that cause me to drink...PTSD and severe codependency. That's where my work lies now.

Good luck.

least

I hope you can focus on yourself and your recovery first and foremost.

sadsadgirl

I can't believe how stupid I was to pick up again. And after all the heartache I've caused my family. I am so bloody selfish.

thomas11

I probably shouldn't be offering advice on this as I did not get married until I was 36, but when I did get married I had no drinking problem. I can understand some peer pressure to be in a relationship when you are younger, I know I felt it. But as others have already said, you have to find YOUR center first, then you can bring people into your circle. If you "reach out" of your center and try to grasp something you are not ready for, failure is imminent. Maybe try focusing on yourself, and be kind to your self. And of course, remain sober. Wish you the best.

sadsadgirl

I feel so utterly embarrassed for all the messages I sent this guy when I was drinking. I think he's really scared of me! But to be honest I think it's better this way because there is NO way I can have a functioning relationship when I dislike myself so much. Thank you for all your replies. I think this is a wake up call that I need to start doing the work, just sitting in AA meetings won't keep me sober

Carlotta

You got it
I personally believe that meeting makers make....meetings.
For some, making meetings is enough. For others, they need to work on themselves (through whatever method clicks with them) in order to get and maintain permanent quality sobriety.
Until you get that "psychic" change where you want to be sober more than you want to drink it will be a uphill battle.
Once you start working on yourself and accept that you can never drink safely again and that it is what it is and that you are ok with it then it will get much easier.
I hope you will also join us at the 24 hours club where we commit not to drink or drug for that day
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5832185

You can do it

ZenLifter

All of us have picked up a drink again after a period of sobriety, you are not alone in this, so try to think of what you can do today, right now, and not get mired in regret for the past. It's gone . Anyway, speaking personally, regret for past mistakes is one of the things that might cause me to want to drink again.

Wastinglife

I have ruined many a date by drinking too much. I thought I was more charming and engaging after a few drinks. Well, I was after 3 or 4 drinks max, but 8 or 9 drinks on a first date is not very attractive to a woman I have learned.

I had to stop dating altogether. I broke almost a year sobriety after rehab when I decided to play the field. unless I find a girl who is also in recovery or understanding of my alcoholism. I have to put sobriety before everything else.

tomsteve

although many have, not all have.

uncorked

sadgirl, don't despair...you are better off not being in a relationship right now. I know it doesn't seem like it but you have many years ahead of you for that. And once you're sober for a while, your innate wisdom will find it's way back to you. Men can be as addictive as alcohol -- and the two of them together can be hell! lol. I agree with Bunny. Work on yourself for awhile. Discover new interests, stay sober and you'll eventually be ready to find a fulfilling relationship with a worthy guy.

Dee74

Hi sadsadgirl

I agree with everyone who says pout the sating on the backburner for now - get to know, and love yourself first and put that recovery in a predominant position.

You're neither stupid or selfish - you're addicted like the rest of us.

Maybe you just need a better recovery plan than the one you have?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

FreeOwl

You're not stupid or selfish - you're addicted to alcohol.

Most likely, beneath that you're also hurting inside and have some unresolved emotional facets of self to uncover, nurture, treat and comfort.

Probably, you have some growing into your own skin you need to do.

All of that will work a whole lot better in sobriety than soaked in booze.

But listen up and listen good..... YOU ARE NOT STUPID OR SELFISH.

YOU are a joyous blessed spirit of this universe and you are worthy and deserving of Love - most importantly, your own.

So set aside those hurtful words. They won't help you. They're not what you need. What you need is YOU on your side and a firm choice to get to work inhabiting the beautiful, joyous life that you have been given. It's already there for you, waiting for you to reach out your hand and your heart, and take hold of it.

Grendhar

Start again ... as hard as it may seem .. us with drinking problems have no choice. We can't keep drinking. We have to start NOT drinking again.

ZenLifter

Yes, you're right, of course. Probably most of us, then