FLCamper

Not drunk texting! Use this as a learning experience. There will be other fellows.
A new relationship while sobering up sounds like an emotional overload. You've already gotten some good suggestions. Please keep us updated on how you are doing.

Hevyn

Sadsad, I'm sorry for the regrets you're having, but it sounds like you learned something valuable. There are some great responses here. We are with you - you can do this.

Mountainmanbob

I guess that what is heard in recovery circles is pretty much a proven fact -- best not to get into a new relationship for the first year. Oh yes I know, much easier said than done.

You mention that you are a young Lady. Give your sobriety some time and when you have things together the (right) one will be there waiting just for you.

One thing that this old guy has found -- I couldn't find the right one when I was spending time with the wrong one. Makes sense.

M-Bob

sadsadgirl

Thank you once again for your messages. You all are completely right-I need to learn to love myself before bringing another person into the equation.

Basically what happened is that I've been online dating for over a year now and haven't met anyone who I've felt I've wanted to meet up with. Then out of the blue this guy pops up who is everything I want on paper. But it sent me into emotional meltdown-deep down I knew that I had no strength emotionally to begin something. So I got drunk before the date, then we had a great evening but the next day I felt dirty-like I wasn't being true to myself. But I continued pursuing it cos I felt like he could be a good influence on me. Like I was getting sober for me and him. Obviously this is messed up thinking cos I just couldn't relax at all. I was pretending to be happy go lucky when inside I was dying from the pretense. I just don't know how I'm ever going to love myself though

Dee74

It takes time sadsadgirl...but one of the fundamental rules is stop doing things that hurt you, make you said or are bad for you..

Nothing helped me learn to love myself more than a little sober time

D

teatreeoil007

Growing to love yourself is a process and takes time... Respecting yourself is important too...

SweatyHands

For now, that's just a trigger to avoid until you have enough sobriety to figure out how to not be triggered by it. And if I beat myself up over drunk texting, I would have to press charges against myself for assault. You know the saying, "Don't look back, you aren't going that way."

sadsadgirl

Yes I feel like my self respect is zilch at the moment. Especially after the insane intense messages I was sending when I was drunk!!!

I'm hoping it will come back as I start doing the work in AA.

I'm awful when it comes to dating-can't ever do the initial stages without getting obsessed!! Well this certainly has been the case when I first started experiencing a spiritual malady, as I've only just realised that is what it is.

People round the rooms talk about how great their life is now, but I can't ever see how that can be me, even with the work.

sadsadgirl

I just came across as a complete screw ball and he called me out on it!! But he is totally right-I am!!! Totally nuts! But just can't envisage recovering from this seriously messed up way of thinking!!

Dee74

I couldn't ever imagine me not drinking or me not being alone or me not hating myself. But all those things happened, in time.

Work on the not drinking first - then you'll be in a far better place to work on the other stuff

FreeOwl

Sometimeswe get obsessed with others because we think we see the answer to filling the emptiness inside.

But ince we learn to fill it ourselves, then obsession can grow and mature into true loving and appreciationof another.

You can't see it now, that life that you will inhabit, because you're in the fog of addiction. That fog will clear and almost imperceptibly, that new and better life will take shape, until one day you will stand in the clear blue light of it and be amazed.

Zebra1275

I think this is a wake up call that I need to start doing the work, just sitting in AA meetings won't keep me sober

Nope.

Just like sitting in a gym won't make you physically fit.

Ariesagain

Nothing on the outside can fix the inside.

We get the opposite message every day all day...that we're not right, but if we buy the right car the right clothes the right house the right bra the right beverage, we'll be perfect. At least until they need to sell something else, which they always do.

Get off the online dating sites. They can be really demoralizing and even dangerous, especially when our judgment is clouded.

You can do this!

Mountainmanbob

At times I was thinking that the Ladies could fix me.

But, in the end.

Only keeping the plug in the jug
and the help of a Higher Power (God)
would be the winning sober (better life) combination.

M-Bob

Wastinglife

Alcoholism and online dating are not compatible. There are about 10 women out there who, if asked to relate their online dating disaster stories, I would be number one on their list.

Alcohol changes who I am. These girls never met the authentic me. I was lonely and just wanted their company but acted like a drunken douche bag.

Don't feel bad. We have all felt insecure and lonely. Everyone is a little f***** up, right? Haha

Work on yourself first. The authentic you.

Jsbodhi

Almost every human being in the world has ever at anytime consumed alcohol has sent a drunk text.
You're not alone, ditch the booze, ditch the guy and get busy living your life xoxo

IronPhoenix

You need to get yourself right first....period. Then you can work on your social life.

Purplrks3647

DITTO to all of these awesome posts! - And as Uncorked brilliantly said: "Men can be as addictive as alcohol -- and the two of them together can be hell!" LMAO That is awesome!!!

Try not to beat yourself up too much...I know, I do it too.... Thanks for sharing!