Para

Hello all,

As some of you may know, i've been working through the first year of recovery, i've had some slips during that time - I admit to that.
During this time, I have tried AA, and it really hasn't been for me. So then I tried abstinence, that worked for a while. And being on this site, I've been introduced to Rational Recovery. I'm reading the book by Jack Trimpsey, and I find I can relate.

What i'm struggling with at the moment is my family. I come from a strict upbringing, with high expectations and a lot of black & white thinking.
My family has no faith in me, when I am working on sobriety, they just say it's a matter of time before i start drinking again. Alcoholics can't ever stop forever. My sister told me to break up with my boyfriend because he shouldn't build a relationship with someone who's an alcoholic. Basically, in their eyes, i'm damaged forever. They say since I can't commit to AA, then i'm a lost cause.

I know what they are saying is not true. Many alcoholics have years and years of sobriety (be it through AA, rational recovery, whatever works for them).

How do I not let their attitudes affect me? I can't change them, but I can change my attitude. But i'm lacking the self confidence. Help would be appreciated...

Anna

I think it's often hard for our families to support and understand us. However, I would not be spending time around people who were speaking to me like that. It sounds to me like it might be a good idea to distance yourself from people who are totally negative about your recovery.

You are not damaged forever, you are an alcoholic. You can recover and live a great life. Stay strong, have faith in yourself and spend time with people who believe in you.

Coldfusion

I think the best way to achieve confidence in yourself, and the best way to change others' perception of you, is by achieving long-term sobriety. Also, lack of self confidence and anxiety are symptoms of alcohol withdrawal.

SoberLeigh

SoberLeigh

SoberLeigh

Don't let your family tear you down, Para. Prove to them that you are stronger than they think.

Nonsensical

Family is wrong.




You can do this.

Bunny211

It is very difficult. For the first 3 months my family barely talked to me. They cut me loose. Once I had a good 4-5 months sober under my belt, and they knew I was serious, they came around. I'm praying your family does too.

One thing I have learned though, is that my family cannot and will not ever understand alcoholism/addiction. They don't "get" me and I am ok with that now. Quite frankly, I don't "Get" them either!

least

Don't listen to them, don't let them influence your thinking. Have a little faith in yourself. You can do this!

Upward2Enlightenment

It's tough but blood doesn't always make you family.

I would just do whatever you have to to get sober. If it means distancing yourself from them, so be it.
I hope they come to understand later and support you. You have to do this for you, no one else.

Unfortunately I am in the same boat with my children. It hurts but I can't let that derail me.

Best wishes.

mns1

Whenever someone tells me I can't do something it just makes me ever more determined to prove them wrong.

Soberwolf

This is why I love SR all of you doing this for one person makes it all worthwhile

Para you always have us having a plan is vital whatever you do no matter what no more drinking take it off the menu I know it's hard and you have made good progress keep up the good work don't worry what anyone think this is your recovery no one elses

MIRecovery

Sobriety and people's perceptions are about what we do not what we say. When what we do matches what we say slowly trust starts to be rebuilt

AnvilheadII

while you have been working ON recovery this past year, you have had slips, you have returned drinking. and it was in Dec that you renewed your resolve to truly be DONE. that means it's only been two months-ish of a totally sober you......even the casual observer might be a bit "suspect" about the longevity of that sobriety.

so the BEST thing you can do is stay sober, NEVER drink again, and throw yourself into building a glorious life that shines in the dark.

Obladi

I think it's to be expected that people who have lived through our ups and downs will lose faith and will set the bar high for us to prove ourselves.

But.
This has nothing to do with them.
You are the only person who has control over your drinking.
So regardless of what they think or how long they hold onto their skepticism, it's immaterial.
What matters is what you do.
As long as you know you are doing right, that's all you can do.
Actions speak louder than words.

Para

My family thinks i'm going to fail, and I feel like it's just easier to take the bait. That maybe they are right, and I might as well just drink and give up.

I could use this an an excuse to drink or up my resolve to stay sober.
I choose to be sober.

Delizadee

Nobody, absolutely no one on this great big earth is ever a lost cause, so long as they are on the right side of the ground, and have a head of their own to use.

Don't ever let anyone ever make you feel otherwise.

Dee74

In the end, the only really important thing is what you think Para.

Having said that though, I believe you can do this too

D

Gonnachange

Don't listen to them, don't be swayed by their collective lack of support, and don't try (too hard) to convince them that they are wrong. Let your actions and decisions do that.

IvanMike

Clean time speaks for itself.