sunshinel

Hi well I have finally made it to day 7. Its been incredibly difficult so am proud of myself. I just have a few questions. It started yesterday that thoughts would come into my mind of all sorts of random painful events in my life. Some I had even forgotten. I felt overwhelmed by all the pain back there. I am guessing these are all the things I was suppressing with alcohol and now they are making a comeback. I was thinking last night how to deal with this tsunami of pain and I finally told myself okay my life has had a lot of trauma ( like many others) but from now on sober I can have hope for a less painful future. It gave me hope. I was also reading in a book last night that the real pain in life almost always comes from thrashing against what was meant to be anyway. Do other people have this experience? I'm also surprised that my anxiety is still so high after a week sober but I'm guessing that is normal as well considering what I have done to my body and mind.

Anna

Congratulations on reaching Day 7! Yes, absolutely, I was overwhelmed by all the feelings I had ignored and pushed away and also about the messes I had made while drinking. Know for sure, these are just feelings and they don't control you. You can feel them and let them go. I found that journaling helped quite a bit. I expect that your anxiety level will diminish as days go by.

firstymer

This is a really interesting theory. I have never heard it before, but I think there is some truth to it. Broken relationships would seem to be a good example of this theory. We spend so much time dwelling on our broken heart, and forget that the breakup was probably meant to be.

However, as I look back over my years of drinking, and compare them to my years of sobriety, I think I experienced a lot more pain in my drinking years. (And not just from falling down and the like.) I made so many bad choices while I was drinking - decisions that had painful consequences, even if I tried to suppress them with more alcohol.

This is a long-winded way of saying that, while we may no longer have alcohol to dull the pain, our sobriety will give us the tools to finally confront and deal with our issues from the past. And sobriety brings with it the promise that the number of painful experiences in our life will be substantially reduced.

Good luck. I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing.

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 7

sleepie

Same happened to me. It passes. I think I even read here it's almost common at first when you stop drinking.

Dee74

Congrats on day 7 sunshinel

I never learned to deal with my trauma drinking - drinking was running away.

It was hard to deal with aspects of my past but I had help here. I had a little counselling help too which was invaluable.

I feel healed these days. I know you can get there too

D

Bobbieka

Congratulations!

PurpleKnight

Day 7 is fantastic Sunshine!! Keep it going!!

fini

sunshinel,

i don't believe that things are "meant to be".
here's what i do believe: your chances of having a less painful future are better by staying sober.
staying drunk or repeatedly going back there and cycling in and out of it is endless pain in and of itself.

getting and staying sober gives you all kinds of possibilities at learning new ways of dealing with pain which gives you a real shot at living without constant suffering.

congratulations on 7 days; keep going!

noneever

I don't know if some things are meant to be but I do know that fighting against and running away from feelings has never worked for me.

Cingratulations on 7 days!

Jsbodhi

(((( hug)))) day 7 is awesome
The bad thoughts happen to all of us, you just gotta find what works best for you to push through them.

Plure

Day 7 is fantastic! And yes this is common from everything I've read here, in literature and with my own experiences. Alcohol and other substances are great at taking our minds off the world around us and those sometimes painful/uncomfortable feelings. When you remove that substance and as your brain begins to heal, they can come flooding back. It takes time to get your neurochemistry back to a homeostasis without the alcohol, but it will happen and you will feel so much better!

I'm near day 30 and having some up and down days with my anxiety but with every down day, the positive days get stronger.

Hang in there!

sunshinel

Hi everyone. Just an update. First of all I want to thank everyone for their comments. For some reason my thankyou button on replies disappeared!! well I have made it to day 10. The last few days have been tough. I have been getting bad headaches everyday, and incredible muscle tension ( connected I think) also sleep is terrible even with sleeping pills. That's the negative stuff. The positive stuff is that I feel like a tiny spark is starting within me. I am visualizing it like a flame starting and it is just starting to burn a tiny bit. My mind is still flooded with past memories and current emotional pain but it is also starting to think of things I would like to do ( non drinking related) such as go to a movie, or get certain vitamins etc. I haven't had these thoughts for so long it is giving me hope! My AV is certainly trying but I am shutting it down either riding out the craving, or playing the scene to the end if I had a drink. All in all amazed at what is happening.
Thank you everyone for your support. I will keep checking in and will hopefully get clearer in my posts. ( my brain is in a total fog)

least

Congrats on ten days sober! Hang in there, it will get better.

Soberwolf

Congrats on reaching double digits

Steely

Hi Sunshine,
Yes same for me. Flood of feelings and memories which can be very painful but at the same believe this to be healthy as I am now in a position to work on and let go of the underpinnings to my drinking which in my case related to loss and trauma. Guess I must be growing up. It feels good to be able to cope with these feelings without drinking. Glad you are here.

MikeM

Congrats on the 7 days!

What you're experiencing is not uncommon at all. Many people experience fluctuations in emotions in early recovery and if you have pain from your past, that will also come up. But over time, when your brain regains its normal functioning, the way you experience it will be normal as well. Perhaps you will need some counselling if you really have some traumas to deal with. But it is very important to do so sober.

When you drink, you don't process feelings and emotions normally anymore. Your brain doesn't function well. Alcohol disrupts the quality of REM sleep, the type of sleep during which you process things and everything is given a place.

I'm 20 days sober today. And my dreams are pretty active. Funny thing, I had bad social-anxiety when I started drinking and it persisted all through the time I was drinking. Now it is gone. I had already outgrown it it seems, but my brain never got the chance to process that.

Also, I'm dreaming about random things that happened years ago, during my drinking days. Just all sorts of random stuff. It wasn't until now that my brain could properly process it.

Alcohol never heals. Stay sober and give it some time. And if you need it, you can ask your doctor about treatment options for your traumas.

But you've taken the most important first step, you quit! And that is awesome!

MikeM

I just saw your original post was a couple of days old. So congrats on 10 days!

The tiny spark you mention, it's so familiar! At one point, some brightness begins to seep through and as time goes by, it keeps getting brighter.

Personally I wouldn't worry about the tension and headache. It sounds like typical stress. With everything that's going on with you, it's no surprise that you feel those. Do see a doctor if they persist too long.

I think that you'll feel a lot better physically a bit further down the road.

MaidenNZ

That's awesome it's so hard early on. Congrats on 7 days and counting