Fusion

I envy you! Please don't despair. You are sober, at age 34! That is awesome, I wish I'd had the sense to stop the demolition alcohol train in its tracks earlier.

Dee74

I restarted things in my parents basement too...it was great but it was a start, you know?

Yesterday's gone and there are no do overs. Brutal but true.

I tried to focus on what I could do today - rather than what I lost I had to turn my head to what I might gain

SoberLeigh

(((Bunny))).

Some days, sobriety is my bottom line - my 'when everything goes wrong' fallback - that one thing that is mine, all mine, that one thing that no one or thing can take from me, and it's pretty amazing.

You are beautifully young; your future is a blank slate, a book of empty pages that awaits your story. I can't wait to see your first chapter!!!!

bandicoot2

Bunny--Congratulations on almost 9 months Sober! That is pretty amazing!

Bunny211

Thanks everyone. I can't tell you how much your support and kind words mean to me. Becoming an alcoholic and falling flat on my face just wasn't in my life's plan, ya know? It hurts sometimes. It really does. Sometimes I feel like a cartoon character who just took got knocked out...shaking my head to clear up the cartoon stars, rubbing my temples, looking around bleary eyed like...what the hell happened to my life?!

I had my little pity party and now it's time to be grateful and keeping on forging ahead. I know if I keep working for things they will materialize. Tomorrow is a new day.

Love to all.

jobei

I am feeling similar things you are not alone though and with time things will get better please don't beat yourself about the past all we can do is focus on now. Alcohol makes us horribly sick... and we want to be well... keep your head up my friend.

FormerWineGirl

Sorry you have had a bad day Bunny. Try to think about the good things going on in your life. Also, you are still young enough to have everything you desire, and you will have them sober!

If memory serves me right, aren't you around 9 months sober? I had a particularly bad episode of PAWS around that time. Each time I had it, for about 3 days I felt really bad, and it seemed as though everything was magnified. Just a thought. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Thumpalumpacus

Shouldacouldawouldas ain't worth a pisshole drilled in a snowbank, ma'am. We are where we are because of what we've done, and we cannot change that. The only thing in our power is to change how we behave going forward. Recriminations won't serve you a bit of good.

Forgive yourself, make amends to yourself, and let's move forward.

whopper

I am in a similar position but I am 39. Drinking made those feelings 10 times more intense up to the point where I was having panic attacks about my life. I have recently stopped drinking and those intense feelings have died down, thank God. I too did burn thru some $$ but not nearly as much. All I can say is that you are not alone. I too have a problem where I compare myself to other people and then it makes me so depressed, but I try to block it the best I can. All we can do is work on our own lives and be content with what we have, and not worry about what we don't have.

emme99

We are in a similar situation and you are ten years younger than me. I would give anything to have those 10 years back, and be sober for 9 months. You have a lot going for you and still time to do whatever you want in life. I am wishing you the best.

awuh1

"Not everything that counts can be counted."

teatreeoil007

Darlin- you are so far from worthless !

Time2Stop4good

I am in a similar situation, also 34, not married, no gf. I have burned through about 60k in savings and lost my lucrative job and have not worked for almost 2 years, but you know what, I am 6 weeks sober and feel fantastic. I have found it best not to measure your self-worth through material possessions. I think that life of trying to attain material wealth was a major part of my drinking problem.

You will get back to where you want eventually, but this time much wiser, confident, and sober! Hang in there, you are doing the best thing you can do, which is staying away from the bottle. I know everything will fall into place for the both of us, no doubt about it. Keep strong and opportunities will come around in no time

tomsteve

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.(halfway through the 9th step amends)

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

Soberwolf

Bunny all you guys are awesome

Nonsensical

Millions of people with the alcohol addiction are in the cemetery or prison. There is a killer living in your head and you are defeating it. That passes for excellence everywhere, all the time.

You have made mistakes, and you may not be where you want to be, but that has absolutely nothing to do with what you can accomplish going forward.

Stand tall, you are winning.

Nowsthetime

Hey Bunny:

From what I feel from your posts I can tell you are NOT worthless! We are young, in our 30s, it's great we are getting a hold of this beast. Don't compare yourself to others, there's always someone that has it better and always someone who has it worse. Good for your brother with his 500k house but 500k houses do not make a person. You opinions are valuable, heartfelt and honest. You are a wonderful gal... And I don't even know you so well ��. Be kind to yourself, be your best friend. Remember that these feelings will pass and soon you'll be enjoying the high and then another low, it is just life but we must keep going.

Chin up girl! We have your back!!!

SoberinSyracuse

I'm glad you seem to have pulled out of it.

That kind of self-talk is very, very self defeating. IMHO, we all need to apply the same focus and self-discipline to that as we do to avoiding alcohol. The next time such thoughts occur to you, please squash them immediately because they can do nothing for you.

Saskia

(((Bunny)))! we can all find people who have more than we do, who are more accomplished in something, etc. what matters in the end is what kind of person we are. Every once in awhile I have a little pity party for the things I screwed up in my life. However, I didn't set out to screw things up and certainly didn't want to! I am one of those who think that alcohol is a disease and more. Some of us are genetically alcoholics and others have used alcohol to deal with trauma and became hooked. That doesn't make us less worthwhile than anyone else.

All we can do is to try to make the best of the hand we have been dealt. Dwelling too long on what others have that we don't is something probably most of us do occasionally but it is counter-productive.

newpage119

You can come back. Your future is really bright now that you are on the sober path.


Years ago I lost a lot due to the recession, 20 year job, house, did the foreclosure/bankruptcy thing....

Through it all, I had a friend that kept telling me that I would come out of it ever better than before. Thing happen for a reason, etc.....

And she was right, I now have a better job, better house, better car and no debt due to the bankruptcy.....
She was right, but I sure couldn't see it at the time!

And a $500 thousand house usually comes with a pretty big mortgage. NO thank you!