Went to a bar yesterday afternoon. Yesterday afternoon a bunch guys I grew up with were meeting at a bar in town, then going downtown to a hockey game. After the game I think they were going to hit the downtown bars, there were 2 sober drivers. These are guys I haven't seen in a long time but spent almost everyday with them in teens and early 20's. Everyone was ordering beers and drinks, some appetizers. I had 2 diet cokes. I did not go downtown to the game, I have to go downtown tomorrow. I hate it down there. Anyway, I guess the point is that I didn't feel any pull or pressure to drink, no one said a word (which I expected). I clearly remember the days when I went to a bar and I would WANT a drink....quickly, probably two. From there I could slide into the evening. I was also glad I felt no awkwardness about it either. Overall it was a really pleasant hour and half of my day. |
Glad to hear that it went well, Jeff. Becoming comfortable in our sober skin is a great feeling. |
Soberleigh said: Becoming comfortable in our sober skin is a great feeling. Thank you for that, as that was my sole intention of the post. |
That good to hear thomas! Its a sense of relief when we realize we can do those things sober and actually enjoy it! |
That's great , good for you! The hardest part for me is when I don't feel that way and still not drink - cause my experience is that at 20 months there are still peaks and valleys. Sounds like your growing and I can "hear" gratitude in your post. Cool beans..... |
right on! I have been to bars many times in sobriety now, and it no longer bothers me. I won't go to a bar just to go to a bar. I generally avoid going to bars when making plans... but there are occasions for work, occasions for friends' important events, occasions when a local band I'd like to see is playing at a brewpub - and I'm grateful that my sobriety is developed and deepened to a point that I can attend such events without struggle or risk. In the early days I wasn't able to. It felt uncomfortable. It was a struggle. I felt self-conscious and lesser. But not anymore. I'm glad you had that experience and hope that it serves to help you continue deepening and firming your commitment to sobriety by showing you through direct experience that you can have a good time, be social, have friends and do things without needing to drink as a part of it. :grouphug: |
Well done! |
Nice! :scoregood |
Congrats bud |
Can I play Devil's Advocate and say that maybe being comfortable in a bar in early sobriety isn't a great sign? Huge congrats on not drinking, by the way!! Just that, maybe there's a time to get back out in the world, and maybe there's a time to...well....get some time? Please don't take that as criticism; it's just from my experience, alone... :) |
nice thing about getting older, no peer pressure :) |
Originally Posted by SixStringZen
(Post 5815914)
Can I play Devil's Advocate and say that maybe being comfortable in a bar in early sobriety isn't a great sign? Huge congrats on not drinking, by the way!! Just that, maybe there's a time to get back out in the world, and maybe there's a time to...well....get some time? Please don't take that as criticism; it's just from my experience, alone... :) |
Originally Posted by thomas11
(Post 5816109)
Hi SixString, I think I know what you mean, and its a fair question. There were some conditions around why I went. One, it was mid to late afternoon, I really have no temptation to drink at that hour. Second, I will soon be back looking for work after owning my own company, these people are independently wealthy and own their own companies and are well connected around here. I need to start shaking some hands and making small talk with people in hopes of landing a job. I know that sounds shallow, but its the real world. Certainly we must get "back out into the world"....but remember you are only a few weeks sober. I still don't hang out in bars 3 years plus sober, mostly because there's no reason for me to be there. |
For sure getting older means less peer pressure! Drinkers will always want company, but in my 20s I got a lot more peer pressure to drink than I am getting in my (late, ahem) 30s! And bonus, as we get older there are a lot of folks not drinking for a variety of reasons (health, addictions, pregnancy, nursing, driving, diets.....) wooooo! |
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
(Post 5816121)
There's lots of places you can shake hands and make small talk besides a bar. You can go to their main offices. You can go to trade shows. You can go to job sites. Certainly we must get "back out into the world"....but remember you are only a few weeks sober. I still don't hang out in bars 3 years plus sober, mostly because there's no reason for me to be there. |
Originally Posted by thomas11
(Post 5816364)
Social situations are the primer to get into their main offices. At least that is my experience. I'm glad today went well - but have you given any thought to those situations in future in business where you'll be expected to drink? D |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 5816378)
I think thats an incredibly important point for you Jeff. I'm glad today went well - but have you given any thought to those situations in future in business where you'll be expected to drink? D |
I'm dogsitting two dogs (in addition to my own) this week and I nap on the floor for about an hour every day next to my space heater. The two dogs I'm taking care of are big dogs, not poodles. Today I lay down to take my nap, I have one dog on my left, one dog on my right and the other laying on my feet. None of them will budge. Half of me wants to kick them all out, half of me appreciates they think I'm that important. I got about 30 minutes of sleep. |
Originally Posted by thomas11
(Post 5816412)
I'm dogsitting two dogs (in addition to my own) this week and I nap on the floor for about an hour every day next to my space heater. The two dogs I'm taking care of are big dogs, not poodles. Today I lay down to take my nap, I have one dog on my left, one dog on my right and the other laying on my feet. None of them will budge. Half of me wants to kick them all out, half of me appreciates they think I'm that important. I got about 30 minutes of sleep. |
Glad that went well Jeff, I hope you keep it up. |
Ha ha no worries. It's not a non sequitur if it's your thread Jeff :) D |
Glad to hear you are socializing successfully, Jeff. Assuming you are strong enough to withstand any pressure to drink, there is no reason you should miss out on socializing with your friends. And yes, that is the best way to get a good job in the real world. |
Originally Posted by thomas11
(Post 5816364)
It was a primarily a restaurant that served liquor Scott. Social situations are the primer to get into their main offices. At least that is my experience. Lastly, I agree, I don't want to hang out in bars. And I don't. |
Originally Posted by thomas11
(Post 5815595)
Yesterday afternoon a bunch guys I grew up with were meeting at a bar in town, then going downtown to a hockey game. After the game I think they were going to hit the downtown bars, there were 2 sober drivers. These are guys I haven't seen in a long time but spent almost everyday with them in teens and early 20's.
Originally Posted by thomas11
(Post 5816109)
I will soon be back looking for work after owning my own company, these people are independently wealthy and own their own companies and are well connected around here. I need to start shaking some hands and making small talk with people in hopes of landing a job.
Originally Posted by thomas11
(Post 5816364)
Social situations are the primer to get into their main offices. At least that is my experience. Meeting "independently wealthy [who] own their own companies and are well connected around here" is not a necessary precursor to getting a job nor is "I need to start shaking some hands and making small talk with people in hopes of landing a job." Jeff I know what you are looking for is support on not drinking in a bar but my concern is that you went in the first place and that you believe socialising through any sort of drinking and glad handing is a precursor to a job. It's not. That is your AV talking. You don't need headhunters, drinks in bars or any of the rest of this. Your record is enough and if you need to set up another of your own businesses again you can do that. |
What breed are the big dogs I used to have a Rottweiler before he passed as long as thier trained & treated right they are great dogs & have great memory with ppl they'l remember you as uncle Jeff |
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
(Post 5817065)
This is a legitimate point and I think Jeff should be supported as he navigates this. It, unfortunately, is true that social situations often lead to contacts and help deals come together. Maybe take up golfing Jeff? Better than hanging out at a bar, no? |
Originally Posted by Marcher13
(Post 5817166)
Jeff while I don't want to rain on your thread I'm trying to work this out. If you wanted to meet old friends and they would only meet you in a bar, well that would be one decision. Not a good one but a decision you made. Meeting "independently wealthy [who] own their own companies and are well connected around here" is not a necessary precursor to getting a job nor is "I need to start shaking some hands and making small talk with people in hopes of landing a job." Jeff I know what you are looking for is support on not drinking in a bar but my concern is that you went in the first place and that you believe socialising through any sort of drinking and glad handing is a precursor to a job. It's not. That is your AV talking. You don't need headhunters, drinks in bars or any of the rest of this. Your record is enough and if you need to set up another of your own businesses again you can do that. Regarding your last statement, there is nothing I want more than to open up my own business again, and I have been racking my brain as to what that could be or what I could do. |
Originally Posted by soberwolf
(Post 5817255)
What breed are the big dogs I used to have a Rottweiler before he passed as long as thier trained & treated right they are great dogs & have great memory with ppl they'l remember you as uncle Jeff |
Hi!!! So glad to hear you made it! Flex those sober muscles. I would just caution you to be extra vigilant in the next couple of days. In my experience my AV was rampant after these type of successful episodes. Keep up the good work and keep us posted! |
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