Perfection is the enemy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
Perfection is the enemy
Just sharing a recent insight, that for me, at least, my ideals of perfection are indeed the enemy and a big part of the reason why I drink. Or rather, DID drink 
. It's taken me a long time to see it, even though it's been right in front of me the whole time...the degree to which I try to arrange everything to my own specifications, avoiding anything that doesn't fit my idea of what a perfect little life I should have. If I can't accomplish this in reality, then my mind takes over. Alcohol is especially good at allowing us to dream the perfect reality. Am I right?
It's really laughable, though...there you are in a drunken dream, imagining that you're king of the world, but your apartment is a shambles, and your only throne is the porcelain one you've been puking in, lol😜
There's a great line from Days of Wine and Roses where Kirsten talks about how dirty the world looks when she's not drinking. You get the idea. If this resonates with anyone, I'm glad. Thanks!
. It's taken me a long time to see it, even though it's been right in front of me the whole time...the degree to which I try to arrange everything to my own specifications, avoiding anything that doesn't fit my idea of what a perfect little life I should have. If I can't accomplish this in reality, then my mind takes over. Alcohol is especially good at allowing us to dream the perfect reality. Am I right? It's really laughable, though...there you are in a drunken dream, imagining that you're king of the world, but your apartment is a shambles, and your only throne is the porcelain one you've been puking in, lol😜
There's a great line from Days of Wine and Roses where Kirsten talks about how dirty the world looks when she's not drinking. You get the idea. If this resonates with anyone, I'm glad. Thanks!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Yep, sing it sister! Wait, maybe you're a brother, not that gender matters, I guess as I'm replying to the concepts you've posted....
Anyways-It took about (hmmmm) 20 minutes or so for my counselor to accentuate my tendency to be a perfectionist and how it basically led to where I was last year...(not good). Doing better now, but it ain't been easy, that's for sure....
Anyways-It took about (hmmmm) 20 minutes or so for my counselor to accentuate my tendency to be a perfectionist and how it basically led to where I was last year...(not good). Doing better now, but it ain't been easy, that's for sure....
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
Yep, it relates with me. Every time I drink, the illusion is created. Then is shattered again every time I wake up sober and hungover. The only way to recreate the illusion again is to drink again. This is why getting sober for good has been so difficult for me.
The only viable option is to get sober for good and learn to accept what life brings. It may not be perfect, but it's better than the alternative.
The only viable option is to get sober for good and learn to accept what life brings. It may not be perfect, but it's better than the alternative.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I understand too
It seems counter intuitive but drinking was my way of controlling my world, eventually culminating in me drinking all day .
I banished emotions, and set the parameters for what my day would be like.
It was a crazy twilight kind of existence.
D
It seems counter intuitive but drinking was my way of controlling my world, eventually culminating in me drinking all day .
I banished emotions, and set the parameters for what my day would be like.
It was a crazy twilight kind of existence.
D
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
"Perfection is no longer a goal today; we can achieve adequacy. " - NA Just For Today I.P.
And you thought you made that up! - (Don't worry, I thought I made that up too).
We all think like that.
"Very often, we discover that we are harsh critics of ourselves, wallowing in self-loathing and self-rejection....
Accepting ourselves as we are resolves the problem of expecting human perfection. When we accept ourselves, we can accept others into our lives, unconditionally, probably for the first time. Our friendships become deep and we experience the warmth and caring which results from addicts sharing recovery and a new life. " - NA Self-Acceptance I.P.
And you thought you made that up! - (Don't worry, I thought I made that up too).
We all think like that.
"Very often, we discover that we are harsh critics of ourselves, wallowing in self-loathing and self-rejection....
Accepting ourselves as we are resolves the problem of expecting human perfection. When we accept ourselves, we can accept others into our lives, unconditionally, probably for the first time. Our friendships become deep and we experience the warmth and caring which results from addicts sharing recovery and a new life. " - NA Self-Acceptance I.P.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by awuh1 
I recommend you read "The spirituality of imperfection" by Ernie Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham
W.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 458
Great thread Zen.
Here's another angle on the evils of pefectionism and how it can contribute towards addiction.
The release afforded by the drug effect is frequently a release from a generalized sense of inhibition, an inability to express one’s feelings, needs and vulnerability spontaneously in life such that one feels dead, cut off, disconnected and tense. The inhibition may be a response to a demanding, perfectionistic, self-critical personality style related to a harsh “inner critic.” The critic may not allow one to relax because one’s work is never done, one’s achievements are never good enough, one may be filled with anxiety about the threat of failure or depression over feeling that one has already failed. The substance is hard to give up if it is the only key to one’s liberation from the tyranny of the inner critic.
Here's another angle on the evils of pefectionism and how it can contribute towards addiction.
The release afforded by the drug effect is frequently a release from a generalized sense of inhibition, an inability to express one’s feelings, needs and vulnerability spontaneously in life such that one feels dead, cut off, disconnected and tense. The inhibition may be a response to a demanding, perfectionistic, self-critical personality style related to a harsh “inner critic.” The critic may not allow one to relax because one’s work is never done, one’s achievements are never good enough, one may be filled with anxiety about the threat of failure or depression over feeling that one has already failed. The substance is hard to give up if it is the only key to one’s liberation from the tyranny of the inner critic.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Perfectionism is like a three-course meal, served in the finest places, where reservations are not required (though you make one anyway), but where your order is never quite right. Yet you keep going back, seated at your favorite table, continuing the same conversation with all the regulars. Of course, the bill is always paid, and the perfectly appropriate tip eventually catches up with those who waited on you. (And waited.) But, before you know it (and long before you're ready), Death steps in and neatly clears the table.
Even the best perfectionist can only hope for a life filled with mistakes of every measure, and with very little to show for all the effort. The tail is forever running away from its own head because it wants no part of it.
Even the best perfectionist can only hope for a life filled with mistakes of every measure, and with very little to show for all the effort. The tail is forever running away from its own head because it wants no part of it.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by coming_clean
Reality Is brutal and Thats why I tried to hide from it.
I learned to love the honesty through meditation and zen practise.
To quote fightclub: even The mona Lisa is falling apart
I learned to love the honesty through meditation and zen practise.
To quote fightclub: even The mona Lisa is falling apart
W.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
My marriage has helped me let go of some of my perfectionism. That's one great aspect of my marriage.
Perfectionism choked my writing for a while. And that was before and after the drinking choked it.
It's been interesting to work through the resistance. It comes from taking it too seriously. I had a mentor tell me years ago I was still in the fairytale. He told me to begin to let go of the fairytale (and resulting perfection), because there's real work to do.
One thing that helps me out of perfectionism is to be vulnerable -- in the sense of being willing to be real in front of others. To be willing to show real pieces of myself, even at the store or standing in line. It's scary at first, but people respond well to it. People want to be real, and when you are real, it gives them permission to be the same.
Perfectionism choked my writing for a while. And that was before and after the drinking choked it.
It's been interesting to work through the resistance. It comes from taking it too seriously. I had a mentor tell me years ago I was still in the fairytale. He told me to begin to let go of the fairytale (and resulting perfection), because there's real work to do.
One thing that helps me out of perfectionism is to be vulnerable -- in the sense of being willing to be real in front of others. To be willing to show real pieces of myself, even at the store or standing in line. It's scary at first, but people respond well to it. People want to be real, and when you are real, it gives them permission to be the same.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
Perfectionism is like a three-course meal, served in the finest places, where reservations are not required (though you make one anyway), but where your order is never quite right. Yet you keep going back, seated at your favorite table, continuing the same conversation with all the regulars. Of course, the bill is always paid, and the perfectly appropriate tip eventually catches up with those who waited on you. (And waited.) But, before you know it (and long before you're ready), Death steps in and neatly clears the table.
Even the best perfectionist can only hope for a life filled with mistakes of every measure, and with very little to show for all the effort. The tail is forever running away from its own head because it wants no part of it.
Even the best perfectionist can only hope for a life filled with mistakes of every measure, and with very little to show for all the effort. The tail is forever running away from its own head because it wants no part of it.
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