Pouncer

I am about to start a new, terrifying life sober. I am dealing with a lot of anxiety because I have been down this road many times. A new chance is what has been made available to me by virtue of the fact that I am still alive.

I have heard most of the recovery talk and it is hard for me to ask for recovery advice, but it is a baby step that I need to make first: a start of being open to new experiences. I would love to hear any practical suggestions for things that have worked for you. I do not plan on going to AA, I used SMART and will start back on it in a day or two. (SMART requires a lot of emotional work and it is just not something I am equipped to delve into right now.

So far, I have made a list of some of my triggers and I think it would be a good idea to list alternative solutions for dealing with them.

Thanks.

least

I primarily stayed sober by keeping my sobriety first and foremost in my mind. I often think that I stayed sober in those early days out of sheer stubbornness.

The thing I did that changed me most was starting to practice gratitude every day. It forced me to focus on the positive instead of the negative. I realized how blessed I was in so many ways.

I give SR and my counselor a lot of credit. I got a lot of help from her and from this site. I also credit my dogs and cats. They were my initial reasons for getting sober. So I could take better care of them.

You can do this! Believe in yourself.

FormerWineGirl

Changing my habits and, to the extent that I could my daily routine was huge for me. I also read everything I could get my hands on about alcoholism and the science behind what it does to your brain - and how to reverse it's effects. I highly recommend the book, "Healing The Addicted Brain".

Anna

I'm glad that you have decided to stop drinking.

In the early days, it helped me to change my daily routine. You mentioned finding ways to deal with triggers and that's important. The hardest part of the day for me was 6-8pm, so immediately after supper and clean-up, I went out for long walks and it really helped.

SoberinSyracuse

I began to envision the kind of person I wanted to be sober. How I wanted to look, habits I wanted to have, activities I wanted to engage in, how I wanted to grow my business, etc.

I started working toward small, incremental goals in these areas. I'm re-engaging with life so that I'm not obsessed with drinking/not drinking. I choose not to see myself as ill, broken, or fragile in any way.

I didn't just want to stop drinking. I wanted to leave alcohol in the past and embrace a bright new future. And that's what I've done!

courage2

I have different solutions for different triggers. I had a problem leaving my office after dark when the lights were up in the city -- so every evening at dusk I called another alcoholic for support. I had a problem getting out of the house in the morning so I started the day with daily gratitude, commitment, & meditation.

So maybe start from a specific trigger?

Pouncer

Advice taken: bought a kindle book called, "Rewired," for starters. I prefer to approach problems logically and learning about addicts' brains is a good start.

Calicofish

Hi Pouncer:

What worked for me...

Tomorrow will be 1 year of sobriety for me and I have got to say that it was certainly not easy, and at times very difficult. I think two things were pivotal for me:

1. I really wanted to stop

2. I joined a community theatre group, just to get out of the house and do something different. I got involved in a play and I had to stay sober because not only did I have to memorize lines, but I was being counted on to know my part and work with the team. There was no way I could be drunk or hungover.

Of course, there were other things I started doing, but those two were the main things. And here I am, sitting on my couch, the eve of my first year of sobriety and I've done 3 plays now and am planning on auditioning for the next one.

I had to find something bigger than myself. I do not use anything other than SR for support. I read Rational Recovery and made my Big Plan. I believe we have the power in ourselves to make changes - you just have to want it more than anything else.

I can tell you this, that waking up sober every day is the biggest gift I've given to myself and I never want to lose that ever again.

CF

Fly N Buy

I had/have to keep my mind occupied otherwise the committee gets restless and starts having unauthorized meetings. Reading - doing a free online class through coursera - watching a movie, anything helps especially early.

Simply, I attempt to feed body mind and spirit daily. If I keep that balance things stay pretty even keel.

Pouncer

I just realized what my problem is. I do not live authentically or practice any level of self-care. I learned at a very young age, with my stressed-out, broke parents that my needs were an inconvenience. I learned that an acceptable way to channel that massive anxiety about my unstable upbringing was to take on social justice issues. We were very religious and I was lauded as a good Christian, a good person for doing it. It gave me self-esteem in areas that my parents did not. (We lived in a cult-like environment in Dallas, Texas). It was a way for me to also be accepted and my know-it-all tendencies were easily masked under the pretense of helping others. I still do it -- all the time. I feel totally and utterly hollow. I am grateful for discovering this crucial trigger and personality trait about myself.

least

One of my favorite authors. A very wise man indeed.

Pouncer

He was the best. A pretty cool guy.

Dee74

I can't recommend this link highly enough Pouncer

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

as for self care I think thats a hard one for a lot of us, though obviously your childhood experiences were extreme.

The more I learned to value myself, the better myself care's got.

Like anything its a process - and because I didn;t really understand it to begin with I had to do a little faking it until I made it - bathe daily, comb my hair brush my teeth, make sure I ate well and slept enough...all those basic things that were rote to others were really unfamiliar to me - but I learned...

and then I moved on to more intricate and complex levels of self care

D

Pouncer

Yes, my upbringing was extreme. It is hard now because my parents are truly wonderful people, but they caused so much pain that permeates how I think. I think for me, the first step is recognizing, appreciating and loving that little girl who had no choice, but kept the peace at all costs. Those are coping strategies that I don't need anymore.

My plan for now, is to follow the treatment of this book I just delved into. It is already the most insightful, no-BS book I have read about addiction.

Venecia

Looks like some great counsel here, Pouncer.

I'd only add this, which is admittedly not quite the practical suggestion that you requested but I think it's helpful, nonetheless. And it's this: Put a stake in the ground and declare that whatever else comes your way, you are done with alcohol. It is over.

Starting with that mindset helped me tremendously.

All the best to you.

Pouncer

I am not sentimental or religious, but I think burying a wine bottle may help. I want to bury it six feet under. Plant a tree over it.

Zufrieden

Hi Pouncer,
You sound much better than you did yesterday! You can do this!
I'm also from Dallas (Mesquite) and also from a very fundamental Christian family with drunk dad thrown in.
What you say about going with the flow resonates with me. I went along with everything and was the mellow peace maker.
It has only been through sobriety 30 years after leaving home that I have realized how angry and trapped I felt. This is not about me though....
My point:
The most practical first step I took in this journey was to firmly remove alcohol from my life. I didn't know it at the time but I realize now that it was an act of empowerment, a personal statement of what I wanted, and the beginning of realizing that if we don't feel authentic and free to make our own way then we are just the shell you describe.
Also, I have learned to give freely in ways that are healthy. You sound like you gave too much and not necessarily because you wanted to. Me too. These past months I have found that giving back to my community in ways that I choose has been a really great way to take my mind off me and my issues. Singing at my grandmother's retirement home with my kids, working food banks, tutoring etc.... have worked wonders for me.
Hang in there and watch it get better.
Best,
Jonathan

Time2Rise

IMO, you need to first find out why you feel sobriety will be "terrifying"? IMO, as long as you're afraid of a sober life, you're going to find sobriety uncomfortable.

What exactly is so terrifying about being sober? I really feel this fear issue is something you need to confront head-on, right now.

I believe therapy with a qualified addiction psychologist is a route you should strongly consider.

Also you may want to do some reading on the Secular subforum on this site. There is a lot of great information and helpful posters there.

Pouncer

Anna, I have to say that your cats are so beautiful, they're creepy. It is like the fabled Uncanny Valley.

Thank you all for the help. These are terrific suggestions. It really was a daunting task for me to ask for advice. I did it and it didn't suck. I would never have thought of these things on my own. Very wise people here on SR.

least