4 months!
Resident Awesome Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
4 months!
WOW! I can't express how much better I feel right now.
Just 4 months ago I was sneaking into my garage at 7AM to slam back a beer or two just to feel better after the normal Friday/Saturday night of drinking.
Just 4 months ago I was excited when I found these small, extra high alcohol content hard lemonades becasue I could slam them without anyone knowing or smelling alcohol, or so I thought.
Just 4 months ago I looked in the mirror and realized that the person looking back was a shell of the man, husband and father I wanted to be.
Just 4 months ago I realized that I was setting such a bad example to my children that I needed to change immediately.
Just 4 months ago I checked in on my sleeping 4th child and cried. I realized I had promised each of my children, at some point in a drunken stupor in the middle of the night that I was going to change, and hadn't.
Just 4 months ago I came to a crossroads that I am sure many of us have walked up to. One road lead me to suicide, the other road lead me to recovery. The suicide road looked much easier to travel. It looked like the shortest trip ever, one that only took one step to complete. The other road looked like it was going to be incredibly hard to traverse. It looked like it had pitfalls, switchbacks, and every obstacle you could imagine. It looked like one that you would have to have help to pass. It looked like it would take a lifetime to travel on. I choose the recovery road.
Just 4 months ago I sat alone, in my dark closet and thought about the future and what I have to live for. I thought about what it would be like to walk my girls down the aisle, giving them away to another man who I hope loves them even a tenth of much as I do. I thought about dancing with them at the reception and probably not being able to make it through the father of the bride speech. I thought about seeing my son choose his bride, and hoping that I brought him up correctly. I thought about holding my grandchildren. Lastly, I thought and growing old with the love of my life. I thought about how many people thought we were making a mistake choosing each other, and never thought it would work out. I thought about the number of people who had to have been telling my wife to leave her bum of a husband and here refusing. Then, I thought what it would be like if I wasn't here. I thought about how alcohol was raising my chances of missing out on all of those beautiful things.
And just 4 months ago I realized something. I was the only one who could change my situation. No book, no person, no motivational speaker, no threat, nothing could make me change if I didn't want to. On that day, I made a decision. I decided that there wasn't a single drink, a single alcoholic experience that would be better than those moments I had thought of and feared I could miss. There wasn't a single thing I could think of that was more important than those memories that I hope to share. On that day I realized I was sick of what alcohol had made me become and I would from that day forward work on being the man, husband, father, friend, citizen, and son of God that I wanted to be.
Today I am happy and I am proud of where I am. My relationship with my wife and my children is better than I can ever remember. Other than God forbid something happening to my family, I don't feel that there is a challenge I couldn't beat. I feel like I can take this disease and turn it to something positive in my life. A form of strength somehow.
Without this board, and without the support of my wife and children, I wouldn't be where I am today. God bless all of you and let's continue down this sober road together.
Chris
Just 4 months ago I was sneaking into my garage at 7AM to slam back a beer or two just to feel better after the normal Friday/Saturday night of drinking.
Just 4 months ago I was excited when I found these small, extra high alcohol content hard lemonades becasue I could slam them without anyone knowing or smelling alcohol, or so I thought.
Just 4 months ago I looked in the mirror and realized that the person looking back was a shell of the man, husband and father I wanted to be.
Just 4 months ago I realized that I was setting such a bad example to my children that I needed to change immediately.
Just 4 months ago I checked in on my sleeping 4th child and cried. I realized I had promised each of my children, at some point in a drunken stupor in the middle of the night that I was going to change, and hadn't.
Just 4 months ago I came to a crossroads that I am sure many of us have walked up to. One road lead me to suicide, the other road lead me to recovery. The suicide road looked much easier to travel. It looked like the shortest trip ever, one that only took one step to complete. The other road looked like it was going to be incredibly hard to traverse. It looked like it had pitfalls, switchbacks, and every obstacle you could imagine. It looked like one that you would have to have help to pass. It looked like it would take a lifetime to travel on. I choose the recovery road.
Just 4 months ago I sat alone, in my dark closet and thought about the future and what I have to live for. I thought about what it would be like to walk my girls down the aisle, giving them away to another man who I hope loves them even a tenth of much as I do. I thought about dancing with them at the reception and probably not being able to make it through the father of the bride speech. I thought about seeing my son choose his bride, and hoping that I brought him up correctly. I thought about holding my grandchildren. Lastly, I thought and growing old with the love of my life. I thought about how many people thought we were making a mistake choosing each other, and never thought it would work out. I thought about the number of people who had to have been telling my wife to leave her bum of a husband and here refusing. Then, I thought what it would be like if I wasn't here. I thought about how alcohol was raising my chances of missing out on all of those beautiful things.
And just 4 months ago I realized something. I was the only one who could change my situation. No book, no person, no motivational speaker, no threat, nothing could make me change if I didn't want to. On that day, I made a decision. I decided that there wasn't a single drink, a single alcoholic experience that would be better than those moments I had thought of and feared I could miss. There wasn't a single thing I could think of that was more important than those memories that I hope to share. On that day I realized I was sick of what alcohol had made me become and I would from that day forward work on being the man, husband, father, friend, citizen, and son of God that I wanted to be.
Today I am happy and I am proud of where I am. My relationship with my wife and my children is better than I can ever remember. Other than God forbid something happening to my family, I don't feel that there is a challenge I couldn't beat. I feel like I can take this disease and turn it to something positive in my life. A form of strength somehow.
Without this board, and without the support of my wife and children, I wouldn't be where I am today. God bless all of you and let's continue down this sober road together.
Chris
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
