Time to come clean
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 380
Time to come clean
Even if only in anonymity for now. I drink, daily. Just wait for that time for the store to open. On days I don't overdo it, I go to work, to sleep with my boss, which usually starts at the bar. I have real feelings for this man. We're both married, looking to separate our jobs. Hasn't happened yet. I've been with him sober and drinking. I don't know what to do, how to stop this madness, which direction to turn next. I know I need to take care of me but I have no clue how to do that. I guess I'm just posting to put it out there, maybe it's a tiptoe in the right direction.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Oh yeah. An unmanageable life. Been there, done that. Like you, I had NO idea how to change the mess I was living in. My suggestion is to go to a big book AA meeting and get a sponsor well versed in the process of the 12 steps of recovery. Once I did that my life started to change. My sponsor gave me directions to follow...and little by little my actions changed, then my life changed, and now my thinking is changing. It's been an amazing transformation. My best to you.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
As Bunny said, my life was also an unmanageable mess. I was so lost and so desperate to get out of it, that I got willing to get help and listen to someone else for a change, because I knew I sure as hell didn't know what to do.
AA also helped me, it showed me how to change my thinking and my life got better; I can now make good decisions for myself, I have self-respect and can look people in the eye today. Life is good.
Welcome! This is a great place to find the information and support you need to turn things around for yourself.
AA also helped me, it showed me how to change my thinking and my life got better; I can now make good decisions for myself, I have self-respect and can look people in the eye today. Life is good.
Welcome! This is a great place to find the information and support you need to turn things around for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by GoingNowhere 
Even if only in anonymity for now. I drink, daily. Just wait for that time for the store to open. On days I don't overdo it, I go to work, to sleep with my boss, which usually starts at the bar. I have real feelings for this man. We're both married, looking to separate our jobs. Hasn't happened yet. I've been with him sober and drinking. I don't know what to do, how to stop this madness, which direction to turn next. I know I need to take care of me but I have no clue how to do that. I guess I'm just posting to put it out there, maybe it's a tiptoe in the right direction.
Not with a boss, but with a colleague. Twice, actually.
With the benefit of sobriety and hindsight I now see how sad I actually was, how deluded in the throes of an affair. I was in "love" the first time. Just "having fun" the second. Both times, I was filled with guilt and shame at what I was doing and had become - but wouldn't admit it to myself. Justified it. Drank it away.
I'm glad those days are behind me now, along with the booze, and my self-love and self-care have replaced my self-destruction.
I wish you the best and hope that you'll take a step toward your own self-loving, self-caring spaces and begin with sobriety.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Welcome - it's great to meet you GoingNowhere.
I agree that you need a clear head to sort this complicated situation out. Drinking seems to help us cope, but it does just the opposite. I'm glad you're looking to make a big change in your life.
I agree that you need a clear head to sort this complicated situation out. Drinking seems to help us cope, but it does just the opposite. I'm glad you're looking to make a big change in your life.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
I've never seen an extramarital relationship come to a happy ending, so I believe you should brace yourself for a bumpy landing.
It does sound like you're in quite a pickle, but no worse than where I've been in my past. If you want it and are willing to work for it, you can get to a healthy, honest, sober life. Without alcohol and without adultery.
Are you a person of faith, or more secular in your outlook? If you believe in God, I suggest visiting almost any local church and ask if there's someone who can meet with you and pray with you for about an hour. If you're secular, reach out to a therapist.
As for alcohol, talk to a therapist or counselor about your use. It may make sense for you to get help for alcohol misuse. There are many methods and approaches. Google AA, SMART recovery, Women for Sobriety, and Celebrate Recovery for starters. Some use the well-known 12-step philosophy and others don't. (I was not helped by 12-step groups, but others are.) Find what works for you and don't let anyone tell you there's only one way to skin the cat.
The important thing is to stop letting yourself be carried along on this tide which is taking you in the wrong direction. Put your oars in the water and take some action to start making a change.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
It does sound like you're in quite a pickle, but no worse than where I've been in my past. If you want it and are willing to work for it, you can get to a healthy, honest, sober life. Without alcohol and without adultery.
Are you a person of faith, or more secular in your outlook? If you believe in God, I suggest visiting almost any local church and ask if there's someone who can meet with you and pray with you for about an hour. If you're secular, reach out to a therapist.
As for alcohol, talk to a therapist or counselor about your use. It may make sense for you to get help for alcohol misuse. There are many methods and approaches. Google AA, SMART recovery, Women for Sobriety, and Celebrate Recovery for starters. Some use the well-known 12-step philosophy and others don't. (I was not helped by 12-step groups, but others are.) Find what works for you and don't let anyone tell you there's only one way to skin the cat.
The important thing is to stop letting yourself be carried along on this tide which is taking you in the wrong direction. Put your oars in the water and take some action to start making a change.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 189
No doubt this will be a rough road ahead no matter what you choose to do. Here you can find lots of support and wisdom. Having some sober time will help you find your way. Good luck and I hope you can get healthy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 380
Well, step 1 done. I ended up needing medical assistance to get through the bad part, so I went to the ER. They got me over the hump and I'm home now. I spoke with a psychiatrist while there that told me about a group (not AA) I'm going to check it out. I think the next meeting is Friday afternoon. Hope I can get out of work.
I don't know what to do about the rest, but I'll focus on me right now. Thank you all for not getting all judgemental about my situation. I'm glad this a safe place to get it out.
I don't know what to do about the rest, but I'll focus on me right now. Thank you all for not getting all judgemental about my situation. I'm glad this a safe place to get it out.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
Good job taking that first step, GN. Maybe you should change your username?
As for the extra "twist", one of the suggestions in early recovery is to make no major decisions in the first year. It's not a rule or anything, but I agree w/others that you should keep the focus on *you* for a while, not on other people in your life.
As for the extra "twist", one of the suggestions in early recovery is to make no major decisions in the first year. It's not a rule or anything, but I agree w/others that you should keep the focus on *you* for a while, not on other people in your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 380
Thanks for the advice. I'll think over matters in a few days time. Right now I need to get through my first few days and then look over how booze played a part in the affair even starting. First things first, don't drink today.
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