A worthy weekender Feb 19 part 2
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Good luck to all who have job interviews or are applying for jobs. Here are a few tips:
1. Know the interviewer's name and use it during the interview. If you're not sure what it is, call them "Jobsy" or "Jobbo".
2. Leave a gap in 2011 on your C.V. When they ask what you did in 2011, say "Remember the Arab Spring?" and point to yourself.
3. Tell them you're not an applicant, you're an appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against buttock. Make sizzling noise.
4. When asked why you would be suited to the job, pass an ancient scroll along the desk & say "It was foretold". Stare at them.
5. If you're meeting 3 interviewers, bring in a 4 finger KitKat. Take charge of distributing KitKat to emphasise leadership.
6. If through nerves you feel you have to belch in the interview, belch a word in your favour like "enthusiastic".
7. If asked where you see yourself in 5 years time, tip them out of their chair, sit on it and say "here". Break open a Fanta.
8. At the beginning try and make small talk with your interviewer such as "lovely day!" Or "You look like my real father".
9. When asked to describe yourself in 5 words say "Atrocious counting skills". Laugh. Open packet of mini-eggs.
10. When asked if you found the place ok, say "I was driven here by cab. Normally, of course, I'm driven by results!" 4 winks.
11. Take a call during the interview. Say "I can't talk now I'm going into a tunnel - a tunnel of hope!" Wink at interviewer.
12. If asked to describe yourself in 5 words, say "I will bring in cakes!" Produce brownie from your jacket pocket and smile.
13. When it's your turn to ask a question say "Does this job come with a free apron cos I'm gonna be cookin!" 1 finger gun.
14. Remember every question is a test so when they say "How are you?" reply "Goal-orientated, thank you".
15. Be confident. After answering each question, kiss your fist and say "nailed " to yourself.
16. Make a point of mentioning you failed Religious Studies and say "The only thing I worship is productivity". 2 thumbs up.
17. Show you are good at delegating responsibility by sending someone else to the interview.
18. Be confident but subtle. Tap "team player" in Morse Code on the desk with a pen.
19. Always make eye contact and if you have two interviewers, train your eyes to work independently, like a chameleon.
20. Employers check Facebook accounts so make sure all your photos show you looking at a spreadsheet and punching the air.
Enjoy and good luck
1. Know the interviewer's name and use it during the interview. If you're not sure what it is, call them "Jobsy" or "Jobbo".
2. Leave a gap in 2011 on your C.V. When they ask what you did in 2011, say "Remember the Arab Spring?" and point to yourself.
3. Tell them you're not an applicant, you're an appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against buttock. Make sizzling noise.
4. When asked why you would be suited to the job, pass an ancient scroll along the desk & say "It was foretold". Stare at them.
5. If you're meeting 3 interviewers, bring in a 4 finger KitKat. Take charge of distributing KitKat to emphasise leadership.
6. If through nerves you feel you have to belch in the interview, belch a word in your favour like "enthusiastic".
7. If asked where you see yourself in 5 years time, tip them out of their chair, sit on it and say "here". Break open a Fanta.
8. At the beginning try and make small talk with your interviewer such as "lovely day!" Or "You look like my real father".
9. When asked to describe yourself in 5 words say "Atrocious counting skills". Laugh. Open packet of mini-eggs.
10. When asked if you found the place ok, say "I was driven here by cab. Normally, of course, I'm driven by results!" 4 winks.
11. Take a call during the interview. Say "I can't talk now I'm going into a tunnel - a tunnel of hope!" Wink at interviewer.
12. If asked to describe yourself in 5 words, say "I will bring in cakes!" Produce brownie from your jacket pocket and smile.
13. When it's your turn to ask a question say "Does this job come with a free apron cos I'm gonna be cookin!" 1 finger gun.
14. Remember every question is a test so when they say "How are you?" reply "Goal-orientated, thank you".
15. Be confident. After answering each question, kiss your fist and say "nailed " to yourself.
16. Make a point of mentioning you failed Religious Studies and say "The only thing I worship is productivity". 2 thumbs up.
17. Show you are good at delegating responsibility by sending someone else to the interview.
18. Be confident but subtle. Tap "team player" in Morse Code on the desk with a pen.
19. Always make eye contact and if you have two interviewers, train your eyes to work independently, like a chameleon.
20. Employers check Facebook accounts so make sure all your photos show you looking at a spreadsheet and punching the air.
Enjoy and good luck
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
tetra! 
Okay, I thought, good, tetra has some advice for me... it took me about two minutes to compose myself after reading #1...
I just replied to an email I got from the 'agency'. It seems the email I sent to them using their online form two weeks ago ended up in the SPAM box. We apologize and are working on that...
Anyway, it turns out there is a different test for the company I am applying for vs 'the rest of the world'. So I had to reply to find out if the site specific test will work for other places - the square/rectangle thing... But I am pleased that they responded to me within a few hours at least. Fortunately the training department for this place sent me all of their internal training links...
In other news, I was going to make chili mac but we are out of macaroni. So I made chili shells instead... and I used that stuff in a jar that looks like ketchup as an ingredient. 3g of sugars per serving - 20 servings per jar... about 4 servings a bowl...
And I have to study for a test for Thursday - a blood test. Convenient to make apt online at least.
Okay, I thought, good, tetra has some advice for me... it took me about two minutes to compose myself after reading #1...
I just replied to an email I got from the 'agency'. It seems the email I sent to them using their online form two weeks ago ended up in the SPAM box. We apologize and are working on that...
Anyway, it turns out there is a different test for the company I am applying for vs 'the rest of the world'. So I had to reply to find out if the site specific test will work for other places - the square/rectangle thing... But I am pleased that they responded to me within a few hours at least. Fortunately the training department for this place sent me all of their internal training links...
In other news, I was going to make chili mac but we are out of macaroni. So I made chili shells instead... and I used that stuff in a jar that looks like ketchup as an ingredient. 3g of sugars per serving - 20 servings per jar... about 4 servings a bowl...
And I have to study for a test for Thursday - a blood test. Convenient to make apt online at least.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Those are great, Tetra. I'll be sure to tuck a couple of them away for my next interview.
If I get an interview for my boss's job, I actually could use them, because I already know the interviewers and I know they would recognize the joke and laugh.
If I get an interview for my boss's job, I actually could use them, because I already know the interviewers and I know they would recognize the joke and laugh.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Domhan
Posts: 1,974
Evening all,
Busy yesterday and today, only checking in now on part 2. I hope everyone is keeping well.
Hi Bim. I hope things are ok?
Jaysus Sao. What a set of wheels!! So elegant. What an achievement!!!
Sorry guys i have probably missed lots of updates.
B
Busy yesterday and today, only checking in now on part 2. I hope everyone is keeping well.
Hi Bim. I hope things are ok?
Jaysus Sao. What a set of wheels!! So elegant. What an achievement!!!
Sorry guys i have probably missed lots of updates.
B
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Domhan
Posts: 1,974
Got my 11 yr old carolla checked for MOT today. Hand brake shoes and front caliper needs replaced. Blast. I do a lot of millage so i'm not surprised. Or I'm being scammed. Garage has good reviews on line and was really busy. I wish I understood cars.
B
B
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,184
Originally Posted by soberwolf 
Sao I noticed how similar your lancia was to that Db5 pic I posted (I still had the pic stored) and thought I must have good taste in cars
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