Thumpalumpacus

Seems to me that her conception of your friendship had alcohol at the center of it,

thomas11

She might drink a lot more than she lets on as well, which is why she stormed off. I think you have the right idea by just focusing on yourself right now. You sound determined, and that is great.

MikeM

Btw, she DROVE to your place?? What was the plan here? Unless she was staying over, she'd end up driving under influence. Be honest, she's been known to do that, right?

tomsteve

think about this,coco:
"By the way, she was my biggest drinking buddy, but doesn't have a problem as far as I know....."
do ya think if she didnt have some level of drinking problem shed react like she did?

her reaction could very well have been fear-she lost HER drinking buddy.

which you just might find out the only thing ya's had in common was alcohol.

Paix Amour

She drives under the influence sometimes. She would've driven home after the bottle because she only lives 6 streets away (3 minutes drive away).

I phoned her this morning and explained to her again that Im still her friend, and I do want to talk about her new boyfriend but I don't want ANY alcohol or drinking around me whilst my mind and body get used to the new way of life. She again asked why? I simply said "I believe its no good for the mind or body and I have chosen not to drink ever again".

I also told her that if she ignores a simple request like "Please leave the wine in the car" again, then I wont be answering the door, or phone.

I feel as though my house is my safe zone. I can be here and be safe from alcohol. Out and about at other peoples houses, cafes, restaurants, even driving around past liquor shops I cant control any of that. But I can at home. That's why I got annoyed and upset with her. The ONE place I feel TOTALLY safe from alcohol, she tried to soil after being nicely asked not to in advance TWICE. Once a few days ago I told her. And again last night when she phoned to say she was a few minutes away. And then again this morning - 3 times now.

I realise she has heard me say that Im not drinking anymore a few times before, but Ive eventually broken that. It may be a case of the boy who cried wolf from her point of view. But on average, the average alcoholic can take 7 times of really trying to stop drinking before they succeed. Same with drug addicts and smokers. People should support the person every single time they attempt to stop drinking/drugs/smoking because they don't know if that attempt will be the time the person finally succeeds. That's why addiction places/staff say "Don't stop trying. Try again".

Paix Amour

Youre right. Ive actually already thought about this. Maybe she got annoyed because she cant drink to excess (problem drink) with anybody else. Maybe I was the only person with whom she could drink as much as she does. Maybe she restrains herself from drinking as much around other people, but not with me. Maybe she could be her true drinking self around me because I drunk heaps too, so she didn't feel bad about her drinking. I don't know.

Ive seen her pretty drunk, but never passed out or really ill. Its not for me to judge her drinking. She has to do that. It took me looking at myself square in the mirror before I faced the reality that Im an alcoholic. For the past 2 years some people told me "I think you may have a problem with alcohol", I refused to listen. I thought to myself "Pffttt I do NOT have a problem". As we all know.......the judging has to come from within.

I guess time will tell - as it always does - if she is/was a true friend and not just somebody I latched onto to drink with, and without any other common interests. Time will tell....

Dee74

People will eventually accept the change Cococo - or your real friends will - if there are those that can't...they'll drift away, and good riddance to them really

D

MikeM

Nonononono. You're defending her. For things she shouldn't be defended for. Also, she drove while intoxicated *just* 6 streets away?? That is incredibly dangerous. Every inch your drive intoxicated is potentially lethal. That is not an exaggeration. If you drive out the driveway, not noticing someone is headed your way, that one inch can kill them, or her, or both.

Stop defending her and see things for what they are. She has an alcohol problem and drives while being intoxicated. She is a bad influence. There may be more to this which I won't get into now, because it's a very personal thing, but you need to let go of her. Until she changes at least.

mav

Hey Cococo, great work in the face of such adversity. Sounds like you've got your head screwed on properly this time. Don't let go of your resolve.

Shame your friend can't be more supportive but from what you've said she may very well not have a drinking problem. The fact she so obviously doesn't get it (and only brought one bottle for two people to drink?! What's that about!) In my experience, I've had that reaction from my friends who absolutely don't have a problem... They don't get it because they, well, don't get it. whereas those that maybe do / borderline have reacted differently... Asking probing questions (ie weighing their own drinking against mine) or have been more sympathetic.

Irrespective, you're doing this for you and she'll come round in time, and if not, well, it's her loss.

Best wishes.

FormerWineGirl

At the risk of sounding judgmental, she doesn't sound like a real friend. It doesn't matter if you've said you were quitting 100 times before and didn't follow through, you asked this person in a genuine way to simply leave the wine in the car. The fact that she didn't, and practically argued with you about it, speaks to me as the type of person she is, or at least appears to be. Maybe she will come around, and hopefully give you a well-deserved apology.

I wish you well on your recovery journey!

Stang

How old are you? Reason I ask is I'm 49 and people in my age group rarely try to push it on me. They'll offer I say "no thank you" and that's the end of it. When I was young it was a different story and yea sometimes I was the drunken a-hole pushing it.

Paix Amour

I have to admit it, you are right.

Paix Amour

Ummmm she only had 1 bottle (in her hand) sure. She probably would've had more in the car - maybe - I don't know. And that would've been for her to drink (or share with me). But, she would've been certain that I had wine (at least 2 bottles) here too for us to share because I always have for years. There was ALWAYS wine here. Nobody with any social graces shows up with nothing but is happy to suck down the hosts booze. Its always at least a bottle each when she comes over, but more often than not it 3-4 bottles between us. And she always arrives primed (and I was always half drunk by the time she arrived too).

Theres also never any meal or food involved. Its was never a graceful lady like evening where we cook a gourmet meal together, eat at the table and share a bottle or 2. Its a drinking session and talking. Sometimes ring for pizza delivery and scoff that down to absorb some alcohol.

All Im saying is that I don't really know if she is a problem drinker or not. Im not expert in the matter. And its not up to me to judge her drinking behaviour, because it took me 8 years to realise (and accept) Im an alcoholic, so Im not the best person to ask.

We only got together once a fortnight or so (so I suppose not a regular drinking buddy as I said), and we would get sloshed.

She did say that she only drinks once a week, but does a good job of it when she does. But who knows, maybe she drinks a lot more. I mean, I used to tell her, and everybody else, the same thing, that is, that I only drink once a week, and only 1 or 2 bottles of wine in that session. Reality is/was I was drinking moderately alcoholically 3 - 4 times a week, and polishing off at least 2 bottles in each session, sometimes more.

In the past few months I had STARTED to drink 3 bottles SOMETIMES in a session. I was SO tired and run down the next day I sleep all day, and wouldn't/couldn't drink the following day, but as sure as eggs as eggs, I was back into it the day after that. 2 bottles I was just tired the next day, not hungover very badly. But 3 bottles, I would blackout, fall over all over the house, vomit etc...and the next day I wasn't just tired, I was quite ill and hungover, I spent the whole day in bed. So, when you say "1 bottle between 2 people, whats that about"............believe me...........that was only the tip of the iceberg......there was a horrendous amount of drinking going on!!! And that's how I came here. I found it by accident. I love it here.

Paix Amour

Mid forties but she is mid thirties. I don't think it goes by age, it goes by an individuals respect level. Anyway, Im over it now. If it happens again with her, then I will have will have no other option than to cut her out. My house is an alcohol free zone. Its my safe zone. And I will do anything to ensure it stays that way.

ZeldaFan

When I made the decision to work on my sobriety, I realized I had people in my life who I thought were friends that just disappeared once they heard I wasn't interested in drinking anymore. My true friends, on the other hand, have stood by me and supported me every step of the way. Even when I fell down and started over again, they were there to cheer me on. One of the great things about my sobriety has been finding out who my true friends really are. And now that I'm sober, we have a better relationship than we've had in years.

If you have to let this friend go for the betterment of you, then that's what has to happen. Ultimately, you come first and you have to do whatever it takes to ensure that happens. Great job on standing your ground by the way. That was absolutely the best thing to do in that situation.

teatreeoil007

She tried to force ( emphasized 'force' ) wine on a newly proclaimed non-drinker.... Ok- she's got a problem-no, 2 problems: lack of respect and alcohol... Why doesn't she respect you??

Paix Amour

I don't know why. Perhaps she doesn't respect anybody. She is a borderline narcissist so she says. Not full blown according to her. I don't care why she doesn't. Its her problem to sort out. My plate is FULL with my own problems right now.

tomsteve

i wasnt an alcoholic according to me.
denial does that.

good on ya for standing up for yourself and putting you and your recover first.