strangeangel

I have been a part of Sober Recovery on and off for almost a year now. This past week my husband and I got in a huge blow out (second one of the week) over a (what I perceive to be) inappropriate friendship. Long story short, I have drinking a lot because I'm unhappy with his friendship with this other woman. (she repeatedly sends him photos of her kid, I perceive it to be flirtatious). Obviously, he does not agree with me. Anyway, we are constantly fighting. He thinks I have to find a new issue all the time to justify my drinking, while I feel like I drink because of situations that I can't handle. I don't even feel like he really sees my side, and he doesn't feel as though I see his. We are in a stalemate, unsure of what to do. We've only been married 6 months. That's one problem

He also got his mom involved and apparently she doesn't like me anymore because I drink too much. Pot calling kettle black in my opinion, as she's drunk often and not a pleasant person when she is. I'm exhausted with always feeling like I'm the person who has to fix something. I feel like everyone thinks they are better than me because they don't have a drinking problem. They point fingers at me and treat me like I'm inferior. I'm expected to make all these changes and hang my tail between my legs in shame because of this. I hate feeling like this. I don't like to play victim but I'm just feeling like life is very unfair right now. I'm working hard to be sober, and I've slipped up when I'm angry and hurt. I don't feel like anyone understands that. I'm tired of having to constantly improve myself and change things, when I just want to focus on making good decisions in the moment and taking care of myself. I'm expected to go to this play with her and my husband tomorrow and I'm not feeling so good about it. I'm just tired. I'm working hard on my sobriety, and no one else gets it. I'm tired of putting on the face, and acting strong when I'm dying on the inside. I just want to ignore others and their opinions of me, but it's really hard to do. Sometimes I just wish I could move somewhere else and start over.

Soberwolf

Hi StrangeAngel sorry about the recent trouble your having I know trust is paramount to a relationship & although you don't say it I can tell you trust your other half

Is it possible that alcohol is making everything worse ? your thinking about things while drinking (never a good idea) and its clouding your real judgement

if your other half has got his mother involved is it because of your drinking ? if it is that's a massive red flag that he isn't handling this well & is trying to help the situation whether it does or not is another matter but from here it looks like alcohol is causing you problems you don't need

If your sober I'd bet your other half would respond better actually I wouldn't bet thats a fact

Pls don't think I'm being harsh I'm your friend

Anna

I would say a couple of things.

I don't ever want to spend time with people, anyone, who looks down on me. I want people in my life who care about me and love me. I wouldn't waste a minute with anyone who thought I was 'less than'. You are a good person. You have a drinking problem which you are working on. That doesn't give people the right to belittle you.

And, if there is not trust in a relationship, things are not going to work out well. Trust and honesty are essential. But, it's very hard for others to understand what we go through to recover so focus on yourself as you have been doing, stay away from people who look down on you and believe in yourself and that you are a good person and deserve a good life.

Thumpalumpacus

I think removing alcohol from the equation as a coping mechanism has to be your first step. Speaking for myself, I found that drinking colored my perceptions of events between myself and my lover -- when I was drinking I would mishear/misfocus on what I thought she was saying, I would read things into what she said that weren't there, and so on. Even if I hadn't been drinking, my defensiveness about my drinking would often cause me to miss points.

You may or may not be able to resolve your issues with hubby, but drinking as a coping mechanism is almost surely worsening the situation.

We're here to support you, please get back on the sober tails. I think you'll find your problems become easier to work out for several reasons.

Best of luck, ma'am.

least

I agree with T. Get sober first and then work on the relationship. Alcohol makes us suspicious and paranoid. Once you get sober, your mind will see things more clearly.