Being a friend
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Being a friend
In early sobriety I expected to others to flock to me and be my friend because I was sober. After 90 days my flock consisted of one person, me.
After a few 24 hours I have come to learn my self centeredness was one of the roots of my alcoholism. I expected but never gave. I thought the world should come to me because my goodness, I am me.
Today I am waiting to go to a funeral. A good friend's mother died. It is sad but she was in failing health and in her late 80's. I really did not know the mother but I do know my friend. I want to be there for him in his time of grief.
I have come to realize in order to have friends you have to be a friend first. It is not about what you can get it is about what you can give. I have found that the more you give the more you get.
In early sobriety I told my sponsor that I hate funerals (I still hate funerals) and that I thought that justified me not going. He said, "You need to go because adults go to funerals children don't"
Yes, I am still working on the adult thing but I am so much farther down the road. As often as possible I try to do the next right thing and supporting a friend is the next right thing and supporting all my friends will be forever the next right thing
After a few 24 hours I have come to learn my self centeredness was one of the roots of my alcoholism. I expected but never gave. I thought the world should come to me because my goodness, I am me.
Today I am waiting to go to a funeral. A good friend's mother died. It is sad but she was in failing health and in her late 80's. I really did not know the mother but I do know my friend. I want to be there for him in his time of grief.
I have come to realize in order to have friends you have to be a friend first. It is not about what you can get it is about what you can give. I have found that the more you give the more you get.
In early sobriety I told my sponsor that I hate funerals (I still hate funerals) and that I thought that justified me not going. He said, "You need to go because adults go to funerals children don't"
Yes, I am still working on the adult thing but I am so much farther down the road. As often as possible I try to do the next right thing and supporting a friend is the next right thing and supporting all my friends will be forever the next right thing
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I hear you Mir and I'm sorry for your friends loss I'm not big on funerals I've been to way too many for a 33yr old but I know by attending you are not only showing support but you are showing love x
I hope this day goes as peacefully as it can x
I hope this day goes as peacefully as it can x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
I hear you, funerals suck no matter what.
As others have said, the funeral is for the survivors and your chance to show your support. Your sponsor was right - adults go to funerals, children don't.
The worst funerals I have ever been to were two for children of my Nar-Anon home group members. At least when someone 80+ dies you can rationalize and think "well, it was a good long life" or some such. When the funeral is for someone in their mid-20's it becomes a whole different ball game. So young, so fragile, what a waste.
Keep coming back,
Jim
As others have said, the funeral is for the survivors and your chance to show your support. Your sponsor was right - adults go to funerals, children don't.
The worst funerals I have ever been to were two for children of my Nar-Anon home group members. At least when someone 80+ dies you can rationalize and think "well, it was a good long life" or some such. When the funeral is for someone in their mid-20's it becomes a whole different ball game. So young, so fragile, what a waste.
Keep coming back,
Jim
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by JimC60 
I hear you, funerals suck no matter what.
As others have said, the funeral is for the survivors and your chance to show your support. Your sponsor was right - adults go to funerals, children don't.
The worst funerals I have ever been to were two for children of my Nar-Anon home group members. At least when someone 80+ dies you can rationalize and think "well, it was a good long life" or some such. When the funeral is for someone in their mid-20's it becomes a whole different ball game. So young, so fragile, what a waste.
Keep coming back,
Jim
As others have said, the funeral is for the survivors and your chance to show your support. Your sponsor was right - adults go to funerals, children don't.
The worst funerals I have ever been to were two for children of my Nar-Anon home group members. At least when someone 80+ dies you can rationalize and think "well, it was a good long life" or some such. When the funeral is for someone in their mid-20's it becomes a whole different ball game. So young, so fragile, what a waste.
Keep coming back,
Jim
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