ICanDoBetter

I didn't see myself here nor did I know what lay ahead on this journey. I'm proud of myself for finally "deciding to decide" that I wanted and needed to do this.

A few years ago I was talking to my dad about my angst with some decision I was facing. He very matter of factly said something that has resonated with me and helped me to better manage when I'm overwhelmed. He said, "The problem is that you haven't decided to make a decision." Such simple words but they have made all the difference to me in so many situations. If I'm not ready to make a decision, then I'm not going to give whatever it is the power to stress me.

So 11 days ago I woke up hungover, again, having had a bottle of wine and then several beers the evening before. I mentally berated myself again, wondering why i had allowed it to happen again. And then I made the decision without hesitating to log in here for the first time in over a year and commit to posting here every day for 28 days. Not sure where I drew that number - perhaps subliminally it was the Sandra Bullock movie (love her) , or perhaps subconsciously I knew it would take more than my previous seven day commitment to really take to heart this new way of life. I don't know what finally clicked but there's no reason to question it.

I'm starting day 11 sober. I'm slowly learning how to tackle the daily stresses of working mom/wife/daughter/sister/friend without drinking ... My body is slowly figuring out what all of this change means as is my brain. It's going to take a while for the fog and fatigue and headaches to subside and I have to be patient as my body figures all of this out.

And lest I forget, the number 11 is pretty special to me as well. It always makes me smile and think of my mother. Leading to her passing I would often inadvertently look at the clock at 1:11 and 11:11... And now when that happens I can't help but smile. And after she passed I started seeing butterflies a lot, everywhere - just before she passed she she said something to my brother and I about the pretty butterflies. On a whim while searching for butterfly images online one day, I happened on a verse, Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for". Coincidence or not, I first saw the verse on a keychain of a butterfly ... And faith and hope we're the messages that she requested the minister to emphasize at her services.

So the number 11 and hope and butterflies are pretty important to me. And I smile today as embrace a beautiful, sun drenched day 11. I don't know what exactly the day shall bring, but I know that today I will not drink.

SportsFan15

I Can, this is such a meaningful post. Love it so much.

Your dad's quote about deciding to make a decision is perfect. I needed that today, too. Hebrews 11....so good.

Thank you for such a special post! Hugs and 💓,
SF

Soberwolf

Congratulations ICDB

RattleAndHum

Congrats and keep it up!

ICanDoBetter

Thanks :-)

Thumpalumpacus

Way to go, ICan.

least

It's good to hear such a positive post from you.

ICanDoBetter

That's an interesting observation... And leads me to ask if my prior posts have seemed negative? I'm asking just to try to take it all in and gain from others' perspectives. I want to keep being honest with myself and not allow myself to BS myself into complacency on this journey.

PurpleKnight

Day 11 is fantastic!! Keep pushing through!!

Bird615

Beautiful post.

Butterflies had a lot of meaning for my sister and I too when my mom died.
Transformation.

Congrats on day 11 in your beginning of a new life!