Dealing with the shame
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3
Dealing with the shame
I've quit before, never lasted more then a few weeks. I'm not even sure how I got here from a social drinker into someone who consumed in excess of 60 beers a week. I've driven drunk, lied and hidden the evidence for years. I'm on day 2 and really trying hard not to grab my keys and grab a 6 pack, its only a 6 pack it says.
I think about how I am when I drink and that's what stops me from picking up those keys and drowning myself yet again. Being sober, even for one day forces me to face the dangerous, stupid and hurtful things I've done, I think that's the hardest part. Maybe tomorrow will be better I tell myself, maybe it won't. All I know is I don't want to live in this place anymore.
I think about how I am when I drink and that's what stops me from picking up those keys and drowning myself yet again. Being sober, even for one day forces me to face the dangerous, stupid and hurtful things I've done, I think that's the hardest part. Maybe tomorrow will be better I tell myself, maybe it won't. All I know is I don't want to live in this place anymore.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3
Thank you, I've been reading for the past few days. This time seems harder then the last, I'm not sure why. 3 days ago I drank 30 beers in 8 hours and something just clicked in my head. I cried looking at the trashcan full of beer bottles and just decided I needed to do something.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome Amaire! 
Sure, I understand, it was an endless cycle for me.
Once I stopped drinking, I could face the mornings with my head held high. No more regrets from my drunken behavior.
I took it one day at a time. Best decision I ever made.
You can do this!
Sure, I understand, it was an endless cycle for me.
Once I stopped drinking, I could face the mornings with my head held high. No more regrets from my drunken behavior.
I took it one day at a time. Best decision I ever made.
You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3
It's so strange waking up and not drinking. I know logically that normal people don't drink at 8am but then again I'm not exactly normal lol. The cravings actually only last a few minutes and then just when I think I'm okay...here it comes again.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Shame is a great deterrent to drinking. At least in the beginning. But it doesn't last. Start thinking about what you can do to support this decision to quit drinking once the shame fades and you are feeling better and the addiction starts hammering on you to drink.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Amaire, I believe the first few days to a week are absolutely the hardest because you're breaking a habit that has gone on for a long time. Maybe try setting a short term goal for yourself if "forever" seems overwhelming. Say 30 days. At 30 days you might be surprised how little you obsess over the thought of getting those beers.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 773
Welcome. Forever seems totally overwhelming to me ... And as cliche as it sounds, I finding great comfort in one day at a time. And each day it's a little easier to state with confidence "today I will not drink." Don't worry about tomorrow.. Focus on today.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Originally Posted by Amaire 
I've quit before, never lasted more then a few weeks. I'm not even sure how I got here from a social drinker into someone who consumed in excess of 60 beers a week. I've driven drunk, lied and hidden the evidence for years. I'm on day 2 and really trying hard not to grab my keys and grab a 6 pack, its only a 6 pack it says.
I think about how I am when I drink and that's what stops me from picking up those keys and drowning myself yet again. Being sober, even for one day forces me to face the dangerous, stupid and hurtful things I've done, I think that's the hardest part. Maybe tomorrow will be better I tell myself, maybe it won't. All I know is I don't want to live in this place anymore.
I think about how I am when I drink and that's what stops me from picking up those keys and drowning myself yet again. Being sober, even for one day forces me to face the dangerous, stupid and hurtful things I've done, I think that's the hardest part. Maybe tomorrow will be better I tell myself, maybe it won't. All I know is I don't want to live in this place anymore.
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Oh man. I hear ya clearly.
I'm 300+ days and it's still depressing at times when I think of what I've done, what I've lost, who I lost.
It's depressing to think of where I could be today if I didn't waste all those years.
The key is to make a NEW past. I've just begun my journey and I've already carved out a past in more proud of.
I'm excited over what my future will be.
I hear you loud and clear. If you can find a way to harness that energy and direct it to motivate your quit, that would be powerful.
That thought process helped me. I was sick and tired of regret. My goal each day is to live a day I would not regret tomorrow. Eventually that turns into living a day that I would be thankful for tomorrow.
4/20/15 is a day I will be eternally grateful for. That was the day I stopped making regret.
I'm 300+ days and it's still depressing at times when I think of what I've done, what I've lost, who I lost.
It's depressing to think of where I could be today if I didn't waste all those years.
The key is to make a NEW past. I've just begun my journey and I've already carved out a past in more proud of.
I'm excited over what my future will be.
I hear you loud and clear. If you can find a way to harness that energy and direct it to motivate your quit, that would be powerful.
That thought process helped me. I was sick and tired of regret. My goal each day is to live a day I would not regret tomorrow. Eventually that turns into living a day that I would be thankful for tomorrow.
4/20/15 is a day I will be eternally grateful for. That was the day I stopped making regret.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,902
Drinking to deal with the shame of getting drunk is not a great idea, but I'm sure you know that.
Changing your feelings about yourself (and forgiving yourself) can help change that behavior. That's tough to do by yourself. For me, I found the program of AA helpful.
Changing your feelings about yourself (and forgiving yourself) can help change that behavior. That's tough to do by yourself. For me, I found the program of AA helpful.
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