CanILive

I have over a year clean so I'm not necessarily a newcomer but I feel like one a lot.

I have a good friend who got into recovery & they had about 80 days clean.. she would text/call me everyday then she told me a couple days ago that she relapsed & overdosed. Since then she stopped contacting me. I have been trying to reach out to her.. just to say hi how are you & supportive text messages. & she ignores me. I know I need to practice powerlessness.. but so many people Ive gotten close with in recovery went back out there. & it hurts.

We got into a very little argument before she od'ed & I almost feel like I'm to blame.. I just feel bad right now. I just want a response from this person.. a conversation. I don't want them to ignore me. Its bothering me & idk how to handle it.

FeelingGreat

CIL, I can understand she probably feels ashamed, and doesn't want you to see her addicted side. She's not necessarily using you, but she's a different person when she's drinking.

CanILive

I'm sorry, when I say "using" I mean she is using drugs, & ignoring me.

I could've worded the title different.

Ty for the reply.

Lorax1981

You're not to blame. When she sobers up she'll be ready to talk. Sobriety is tough and not everyone can hang, don't take it personal when someone drops out. Just keep on doing your thing.

Delizadee

One thing I've heard and read over and over again in AA is that it's there for you when YOU are ready to take the help it has to offer. Be kind to yourself, it's not your fault. Your friend is the only one who has the power to choose whether or not to use. You could have been absolutely perfect, amazing, given them millions of dollars, mansions in Malibu and unicorns that fart rainbows and that person still may have chosen to use.

I don't think you need to practice powerlessness... but maybe a different frame of mind. Let go and say a prayer or positive affirmation in your mind for that person that they will be ok. Recognize your role as a friend, that while your feelings come from somewhere, you cannot take it personally that your friend has decided to use. Try to find empathy and send your friend a message saying something along the lines of, "Hey my friend, I know you are going through a rough time. I have been there and I know what it's like, and how we tend to shut other people out when we are struggling. If and when you are ready, wanting or needing a friend I am always here for you. Love, CanIlive"

On the other hand, if a friendship is causing you too much pain, it may be best to consider walking away with love.

At the end of the day, some self-reflection on why the way these relationships failing hurt you so deeply may be helpful to you in the long run. Try to remember the tough times you went through and how you felt. How shame is often a gag that keeps us from saying the words "I need help" even if somebody is offering it to us on a silver platter.

Each person has their own way and their own time. Keep giving love and paying it forward and practice gratitude. Hugs!

Soberwolf

You need to focus on your recovery before you start obsessing about this if your friend decides to get in touch then great but right now I think your friend wants space and that should be respected

It's the 'I just want a want a response from this person' you need to stop focusing on

Give time a lil time I'm sure your friend knows your there if they need or want to contact you my friend

I know it sucks when this happens

CanILive

Thank you everyone.

I always come to this site when I'm going through something and you are all always very helpful. Thank you.

tomsteve

"We got into a very little argument before she od'ed & I almost feel like I'm to blame."

did you put the drugs in her body or did she?
quit kikin yerself in the arse.
you didnt cause it.
you cant control it.
you cant cure it.