whathaveidone84

so heres what got me going kind of.... got into an argument with a guy at work and im useless at arguing i just get really mad really fast and feel like im guna snap and start fighting.... so i end up being quiet and looking like an idiot but i know if i keep on i wont be able to stop myself....ive dealt with this for a while but maybe im still easily ticked off as i no longer have alcohol etc....im just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deal with the anger before it escalates into a full blown rage and i end up doing something stupid and losing my job - this is a real problem as i see several more encounters with this person in the future - anyway sorry for ranting, hope youre all well!

teatreeoil007

Sounds like you handled it well by not blowing up at work... But in a way you had to stuff it temporarily ... Now it needs to be let out somehow.. Deep breathing works well for me at times... Physical exertion is good too..

Remember-just because you were quiet doesn't mean you looked stupid...

advbike

Part of 12 step programs of recovery is learning to see our "character defects", lol. In reality these are the patterns with which we perceive and respond to daily events.

I also have a tendency to feel "slighted" and tend to not take it well. Like when someone cuts me off in a line or in traffic. Or acts like a jerk. I also get angry when things don't work right, and I get frustrated. So part of it is knowing yourself.

The other part is learning not to react.. To take a deep breath, or say the Serenity prayer. To know the other person may have had bad news, or be late for an important event. To know that none of it really matters anyway.. seriously it helps.

Ultimately its our egos that do this. Mindfulness practice, being in the moment, meditation, yoga, running.. they all help calm the mind and active ego..

2muchpain

I know exactly what your talking about. I'd stuff it and stuff it until eventually I'd try to say something in a nice and and before I know it, I just lose it and go on a rant. I would feel better at first, but then feel guilty and of course eventually pay a price for it. Then I'd end up drinking over it, just making things worse.
One of the things I do now after, say a bad day at work is exercise. I'll get on one of the cardio machines and just go nuts. It really helps a lot.
Of course, talking to someone can help a lot too. It helps to relieve some of the anger and gives me time to get a different perspective on things.
Also, spending time alone to process the problem helps. Sometimes I'll treat myself to something nice, like catching a movie or ordering out a pizza.
But nothing replaces doing something physical.
Someone told me when she's dealing with a difficult person, she puts her hands in her pants pocket sticks the middle finger up while dealing with the person LOL. I never tried that but she said it worked for her.
Also, use this forum to vent. Many people do.
I hope you find a way to deal with this, cause if your like me, that anger has to come out eventually and the sooner the better. Have a great day!! John

Soberwolf

I suggest keeping a daily journal so you can reflect in time and see the strides youl make through sobriety also every time you know your going to be dealing with this person just reassure yourself that youl practice breathing exercises to counter the anger ?

chrcarlson

I've been told I put up with it real good until I snap...then it goes nuclear. It's true I don't like conflict but when I get "in the game" I've already thought about how to escalate to victory even if everything gets burned down. Sometimes if they became a "project" I would do things to undermine a person for my amusement. Work was always a fertile environment for such endeavors. If it was an important work thing I'd catch the Higher Up later and subtlety tear down the other guy and make my points. I'm trying not to do that anymore. Since I'm early in recovery I'm not adverse to telling others my tactics so PM me if you want. Maybe i shouldn't post stuff like this. I guess we are similar whathaveIdone.

I avoid arguments by not trying to win them. Most ignorant people can't be persuaded. To be honest I look at the other person smile and say ok, that maybe right or hummm. An intelligent observer would notice the condescension and know I thought the other person a idiot.

You never said what you argue about??? If it's non-work related who cares?

least

In early recovery I had the help of an addiction counselor in dealing with my emotions. She was quite helpful. Is counseling a possibility for you?

Bunny211

*listening in*
I'm so resentful at someone right now that I really, really want to drink. I am not going to but I sure do want to!

Nonsensical

Agreed.

You surely looked smarter than if you'd started shouting or fighting.

Well done.

coming_clean

I had the same kind of behaviour.
I could go from 0 to 100 in a sec.
If I didn't act on it (fighting, screaming) I started shaking and becoming very introvert, just to supress the rage
Looking like a fool just like you .

First of all: In the long run meditation have helped me enormously. Summed up it made a more balanced. And more importantly it helps me recognice trigger-people and situations before they get out of hand. Meditation takes time and effort.

Secondly: I don't care as much anymore how I look. Maybe I am a fool sometimes. In fact I know I am an enormous idiot considering all the life chances I destroyed. But you know what, it's ok. Isn't everybody a fool and an a$$hole and weakling everyonce in a while? I have responsibility over my own life, my reactions and actions. I alone. If someone else is a @#$ that's their own karma.

whathaveidone84

thanks for all the input much appreciated - so today in work the guy came up and hugged me before i even said anything, i was ready to make his work night pretty ****** (im in a position i can do that). Anyway he said sorry for being a complete dick last night and he was just sore and tired from the nights work (it was half an hour before shift end this happened) and he took it out on me. As soon as he said that i felt much better and i like the guy so thats wat made it especially annoying last night - takes a big man to admit when hes wrong like that, im glad he isnt a hard headed kinda guy. Anyways feeling much better - i have the gym for stress and i have started playing ice hockey nearly every day and that REALLY helps....i dont think ive ever played a more exhausting sport but oh how i love it!! lol

Brad436

When I started having trouble with anger o talked with my doctor about it. I started with exercising helped but still had trouble so my doctor put me on lithium and so far I've impressed myself with how well I take situations such as yours.

Berrybean

When I first went to AA I thought it was all going to be learning about alcohol, whaat it does to us, etc. I was really surprised to see that, out of the 12-steps of recovery, only the first one even mentions alcohol. The rest are all about dealing with life on life's terms. Dealing with fear; anger; resentment; anxiety; etc. At the time I didn't think I needed 'all that stuff' and just went along to meetings, and quietly drifted into a nervous breakdown. Some six months later I reached crisis point (still meeting-sitting) and after some counselling, realised I DID need 'all that stuff' after all. I can honestly say that I now value what I've learnt through those steps more highly than I value my Cambridge degrees.

If you're not interested in giving AA a try, maybe invest in the book Living Sober. There is brilliant advice and tips on dealing with all that stuff in there, and it's a nice slim little book that's easy to refer to by honing in on the chapter you need, when you need it. You can buy it cheap as chips on Amazon.