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02-15-2016, 11:25 AM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2
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Hi,
Happy to have joined you all here looking for help and have lots of questions....
Do I really have an alcohol problem if I drink every day ?
Will my spouse stay with me in sober life ?
Thanks and hello to you all.
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02-15-2016, 11:31 AM
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#2 (permalink)
| | ~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: MD
Posts: 15,178
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How much are you drinking daily?
__________________
Someday it will all make sense, so laugh at confusion, smile through tears,
& remind yourself it All happens for a reason.
All Big Book quotes are from the 1st edition.
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Sober since May 16, 2011 | |
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02-15-2016, 11:39 AM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Almost 107 years sober
Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: I think I see a very small pale blue dot in the distance
Posts: 66,539
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Welcome Activelife
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Every soul is like a raindrop that falls from the sky into one vast ocean of consciousness. Most raindrops hit the surface and make a small ripple that fades away ... but some ripples become waves.
Unknown.
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02-15-2016, 11:42 AM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 52,040
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Welcome!
It's up to you to decide if you're an alcoholic. Does alcohol cause problems in your life?
You could talk to your spouse about whether he will stay with you or not when you are sober because it's a change for both of you.
I hope you find lots of support here.
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Marianne Williamson | 
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02-15-2016, 11:56 AM
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#5 (permalink)
| | bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: eastern USA
Posts: 80,597
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If alcohol is causing problems, then it's best to get and stay sober. No one can tell you if a relationship will last thru adversity so you may as well talk to your spouse for the answers to that question.
Welcome to the family. 
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I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.
Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.
Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus
Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley  | |
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02-15-2016, 12:03 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: UK
Posts: 6,819
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Welcome to SR.
It's not the frequency or the amount that you drink - more the effect it has on you and your life, and the power it has over you.
The second question can't be answered by anyone. Maybe not even your partner. But one thing's for certain, whether she stays or goes, you'll be much more able to deal with whichever situation sober (if you are an alcoholic).
I found these questions helpful to think the question over my 'status' regarding drinking Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You? Twelve questions only you can answer
__________________
There is a saying: When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. And this step is simple, this is the point when we decide to put down the shovel and assess how deep the hole really is.
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02-15-2016, 12:04 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Forum Leader
Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New York
Posts: 34,755
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Welcome Activelife!
Have you tried not drinking? What happens if anything?
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02-15-2016, 12:05 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2
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I drink about a bottle of wine a day
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02-15-2016, 12:06 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 502
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Hi Activelife,
Welcome to the forums!
For your first question, unfortunately that's something only you can answer. There are all kinds of definitions out there you could look at, but there isn't a one size fits all. I used to look at loads of definitions until I found one that didn't fit my drinking. You know, "great, I'm not an alcoholic because I don't..." while ignoring all the boxes I was ticking. And also some people will drink until their world collapses, and then seek help. Others see which way they're headed and decide to get off the train before it goes off the rails completely. We're all different, and what one person might consider moderate drinking could have a hugely damaging impact on someone else.
For your second question, it's a big step to quit, and it's true that it can have an impact on relationships with friends/family, usually if they have problems with alcohol themselves. But the advice you'll see on here over and over again, is that when it comes to sobriety, you have to put yourself first. It's your life, and that's all you have control over. Don't keep drinking to make someone else happy if you're at all concerned about what it's doing to you. My wife still drinks (she's not a problem drinker) and while she was thrown by my decision and grumbled about having to drink alone now, I'm so much happier sober, enjoying life so much more, that I'd say our relationship has improved, not suffered.
Whatever you decide to do, you've definitely found the right place for advice and support. If you want to quit, every possible method for doing that is discussed here and there'll be loads of people ready and willing to answer any questions you have.
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02-15-2016, 12:53 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 214
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Ultimately, it's up to you to determine how serious of a problem alcohol is but if you're feeling a need to drink or have cravings to drink alcohol every day then I say do away with it. Why not? It seems you're already wondering and people without a problem don't wonder if they have one. I'm not married but I think spouses should support each other in making healthy changes. I questioned if people would like me the same without drinking and the underlying issue that triggered this concern was low self esteem. Ironically, everybody likes me more now and I believe it is directly related to the fact that I like myself more. Good luck to you!
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02-15-2016, 02:59 PM
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#11 (permalink)
| | Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Australia
Posts: 179,156
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Hi active life - welcome
seems like your drinking is problem enough to bring you here. A bottle of wine daily is way over recommended levels for safe drinking.
If it's causing you to wonder whether you might lose your spouse I'd say thats another good reason to quit?
D
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