lost2010

So much has happened since I was here last. I guess I hit bottom nov of 2012, tried to commit suicide and was put in the hospital pysch ward for a month. It got me off alcohol after 26yrs of drinking. As off right now I have not had a drink but the drugs seem to be a problem. I have used morphine when that ran out went to bacflen and now gabapentin but I know it will only last a couple of days. I guess I just can't figure out how to make it thru the days.

least

When I had trouble getting thru each day, I got the help of a good counselor. Is that possible for you?

Soberish

If its hard to make it through the day then you have to make it through the hour, or even the minute and add them all up. If you keep it up then eventually you'll make it through the day whcih can help you progress to making it through the month.

I know that sounds easier said than done but after a while it actually does get easier. Its a leap of faith. You just have to commit to staying drug free with no questions asked. Utilize SR and stay on here all day if need be. Read about others going through the same thing. Find other support if you need it. Start a recovery plan that suits you. Just try, sometimes its all thats needed.

lost2010

I have had a great counsellor was with her right up to last year, i felt that in wasn't drinking so i stopped going. I just can't understand how people get up everyday and go out there and be content. I am bipolar and have depression but those meds still don't get me there. The flat feeling justn drives me crazy.

Soberwolf

By sticking with us every day

lost2010

I know i have come a long way. Not drinking has been great, i have money, i am not sitting every nite drinking. I used to have chose between eating or drinking. Drinking always won but i just haven't been able to make it thru this hurdle. This gabapentin will be gone tomorrow and there are no more drugs to be found. I do really want to learn how to get up each day and just go thru it without having a drug to make it ok. I need to do this.

lost2010

So, my housemate is the one who has the pills. And he has come to me with another 60 pills it is like a never ending cycle. They do the job but this makes it harder.:

Anna

Did you say 'No' to your housemate and that you don't want the pills? I hope so.

lost2010

I do have but I wont take them. Tomorrow I will get up and try to get thru the day clean. I guess it is nice to have them just in case. Like a safety net.

ScottFromWI

Maybe you should give your counselor a call if things were working in the past with her?

lost2010

I know I should call my counsellor but I just hate asking for help. I am sorry being here talking about all this but I just don't know why I do this ****. I just picked up this gabapentin yesterday and searched the internet on how to take it and did. Its like I do it then realize how stupid it really is, like someday I will take something that will kill me.I took 2500mg of this and feel so much better. Who just takes anything?

Hevyn

Lost, why be sorry for posting here? We're glad to see you. I'm sorry you're having trouble with temptations. I did irrational things too, most of us did. Please stay here and keep talking to us.

MIRecovery

I had to surrender and admit to my innermost self that any mind altering substance was something that I could never have again. As long as there was the tiniest Crack my AV would talk me into another addiction

lost2010

I do know that Ican't seem to take anything normally. I feel half way there because I am not drinking, right now I feel that I can get up tomorrow and do this clean. But when these pills wear off that is when I feel empty and nothing, I really hate that. And that's what sends me back to the pills but as I said what I have here won't last more than a couple of days.

lost2010

I am thinking maybe just flush everything, right now I think I could. It really scares me.

Midwest1981

I would flush them.

It sounds like you know the right thing to do here.

lost2010

I just seem to be freaking out today for some reason. Maybe its the pills. I just counted them I have a lot more than I thought, I am fearful of what withdrawal might be like if I continue do this road. morphine withdrawal was awful. thanks for sticking with me here, I guess I just can't think this thru very well on my own.

FLCamper

I don't know much about drug withdrawal. But, I'd suggest you call a pharmacist or your Dr. and ask if you should taper off of them. If you had a professional guiding you and holding you accountable, that might help you.

lost2010

I just got them yesterday so I know if I can get rid of them I will be ok. But they really have kicked in I have been high all day on 2500mg and that I hate to admit feels good. Talking here seems to help because I think I am just scared the las t week has been abit of a binge, on feb 11 was the 2yr anniversary of losing my mom. It started with some cocaine mixed with some bacoflen. That ran out and then I got my hands on these pills. I just don't want to find myself snapping or something, that is what happened when I tried to commit suicide before I just went on a binge didn't talk to anybody for a week . I don't feel suicidal but I am definetly having some kind of trouble.

lost2010

I am feeling really anxious about all this.