Midwest1981

How about calling your counselor sometimes it is nice to have someone who knows you to be able to talk too or maybe a friend.

lost2010

That's hard because once you leave the counsellor for to long, you have to be refered again and paperwork. can't just phone her, my best friend is going thru a lot of her own problems cannot lay this on her right now. If I can wake up with a clear head tomorrow I need to just try and make it thru each hour. I am having trouble getting rid of these pills, I keep looking at them but so hard to pick them up and flush them. it is like holding happiness in ur hand even though I should know its only temporary. Never lasts

teatreeoil007

I have never heard of gabapentin making someone high before. I thought it was a siezure med. I agree with above poster; why not consult with a pharmacist?. You don't necessarily have to give any personal information out...

Upward2Enlightenment

I think you should flush the pills. If you have them available, you will be tempted to take them eventually.

Can you look into any rehab programs near you?

Upward2Enlightenment

That happiness you are holding is only temporary ... it is also potentially life threatening.

lost2010

yeah, I didn't know they would get you high either but there was some websites with info on taking it.(you can find anything on the internet)500mg every hour for 5 hrs here I am 8 hrs later just comimg down. I know I need to flush them because I just don't think I will stop.

teatreeoil007

I'm not gonna judge ya for wanting to get high... But... Well it just seems like that would be dangerous? Can you think of some other enjoyment in life?

uncorked

lost, you are getting high to escape the "empty and flat" feeling. What's behind that feeling, really? Is it that terrible to sit with it for just a little while? I'm with others in thinking you should go back to counseling, or maybe even detox. Just a question, how are you getting high off of baclofen? I took fairly large doses to help me stop drinking and it made me feel horrible!

lost2010

Not necessarily high but just to get up and feel pumped. I have much better days at work, it is easier to talk to people. The bacoflen wasn't great after a while, u r right. Maybe its like that saying not being comfortable in my own skin, most days I don't understand why I feel this way. I have flushed all but 30 pills enough for a day. I will be heading off to work this morning, keep working at this.

lost2010

I can't get the song "Unsteady" by X-ambassadors out of my head because that is how I feel just little unsteady.

Soberwolf

things will get easier as time goes along

lost2010

What a day, where I am we got 45cms of snow today. Needless to say I just spent 4hrs shoveling. I haven't had much success with detox been there 3 times and by the 2nd day I am walking out. I really want to do this on my own, I think if I can get a week without taking anything but my prescribed meds, I can get everything out of my body it will help. It has been months since I haven't taken something so I am sure my body is a little screwed up.

lost2010

I have thought about your suggestion about some other enjoyment in my life and maybe that is a sore spot for me. My days include my full time job and then I spend as much time as possible with my dad because he is alone now since my mom passed away 2yrs ago. But it never seems enough, I feel guilty if I can't be there. I have a brother and sister who can't seem to find any time for him, so its left up to me. My sister actually forgot about what day our mom passed away the two yrs on feb 11th. My best friend has had legal troubles and I have been given her money whenever I can to help with the lawyer but somehow she still manages to treat me like ****. I don't know maybe I am bitter but it doesn't feel like I have much to enjoy. I try and give so much but don't feel like it ever matters.

Soberwolf

it does matter Lost I'm sorry you feel like this right now if you ever want to talk send a pm thinking of you today

Dee74

Hi Lost

maybe its time to turn a little of that caring you do for other people round on yourself.

I think balance is very important - it's not selfish to have 'you' time - sometimes it's necessary?

D

lost2010

It's funny you say that because that was always a big topic with me and my counsellor, I am the worst at looking after me first. When I first got out of the hospital everybody was very supportive and I felt I could do for myself. I was going to meetings, seeing my counsellor. But slowly life started to creep back in my mom was getting sicker(she had terminal cancer) I needed to be there for her and my dad. So eventually I stopped going meetings and quit seeing my counsellor. Its hard with the anxiety to handle all these things plus working full time. Years ago when I first started seeing therapist one of them refered to it as Relationship anorexia. I guess it has just snowballed to where I am back to old habits and I am not sure how to get out.
The trouble I have with the pills, I just can't figure out how I should feel. Its funny because sometimes I will just watch people wondering how they feel, how they make it thru each day. I don't think I really know how it is supposed to feel. I started drinking and using at 14 and was a mess by 18, sometimes I try to remember what I was like before that but I can't. So how do I know who I really am?

teatreeoil007

Agree with Dee: turn that caring around & give it to yourself... Sounds like you are better equipped to do that than family and friends... &-- don't feel guilty!!

lost2010

Things have been so crazy just haven't had time to be here. I am really going to try and say this right, i never should have posted wheni was using because everybody here is trying to stay sober and clean and i know it doesn't help when someone is talking about using. But sometimes it is nice to hear that someone cares and wants to help, i don't really have anyone in my life that really cares about me. I know that sounds harsh but i have spent my whole life (30 some yrs) drinking and using, and i have not felt loved or maybe worthy of love. Anyways i guess it would be nice to be somewhere that i would feel that what i do matters and even if i get yelled at its better then nothing. So you were all right i kept these pills and i just couldn't stop, so the honest to god truth is i have taken every pill available, my house mate is out. So wish me luck tomorrow i will be going thru my day with nothing but me and my crazy mind.

Hevyn

Good to hear from you, lost. I wasn't sober when I first came to SR. I'd been drinking many years & needed a little time to find the courage to stop. Being here and talking things over with those who understood made all the difference. We do care about you - and want to help. You are most certainly worthy. Please stay with us.

lost2010

Thank you, I appreciate your support.