Jen34

I have been dependent on alcohol for thirteen years. Christmas Day this year I had "hair of the dog" when I woke up so I felt better for family functions. I had too much hair of the dog and wrecked on my way to the inlaws. I drove separate from my husband that day, but dos have my daughter, stepdaughter and adopted son with me. The car was towed from a ditch and I drove it home. Everyone else continued with their holiday festivities. Dec 27th I decided to stop drinking. I have been sober since. The difficult thing I'm going through now is that my husband told me, about three weeks ago, that he doesn't love me and wants a divorce. We are still living in the same house (it's in my name but we've been married for almost 10 years so I'm not going to kick him & the kids (that aren't mine) out). Why now? Why wait till I'm trying so hard to be a better person? He's so defensive and short w/me every time I try to talk to him. I don't want any alcohol but my emotions are all over the place. The stress is unbearable. My face is broken out (I've never had blemish problems) I've gained 12 pounds and I cry constantly when I'm alone. Then I have to put this fake smile on around the kids and friends/family. Now my husband drinks almost every night and always when we go eat. It's like he is trying to get me to fail at sobriety. And he always says he knows I'm not drinking "that he's witnessed". I know, I'm thinking this is all poor pitiful me, and I'm sure it is. But I don't get why he didn't tell me how he felt about our relationship before now? He said he's not loved me for a while.

Jen34

I've just realized this post makes zero sense. That's what I get for posting at work ha!

Thumpalumpacus

It seems to me like he's falling out of love with not having a drinking partner?

Jen34

That's the weird thing tho. He hardly ever drank until now. I forgot to mention that.

Jen34

That's the weird thing tho. He hardly ever drank until now. I forgot to mention that. He despised me drinking. Always begged me to stop. Now I have and he tells me he doesn't want to be with me.

Fly N Buy

Glad you're here with us - welcome.

Every became more figureoutable as I stay sober and stack a little time. Firstly, I began to understand what others did and felt I could not control - just me.

There is nothing that happens that drinking won't make worse. Keep staying sober and seek the help you need.

Good for you on posting, and your thread maks perfect sense to me and will to others. You're in the right place Jen

Mags1

Hi Jen welcome to SR.

Im pleased you decided to stop drinking. It's the best thing I ever did!

It won't seem it at the moment , but the most important thing right now is staying sober, not for your family but for you.

least

I'm sorry you're going thru this now, but glad you're not drinking over it. Drinking would only make things worse.

Jen34

Thank you everyone. I haven't thought about drinking bc my mind is in 40 different places with my marriage ending. I just don't want to go back to my old ways once everything dies down and the divorce is final. Which is why I'm here. It's great to be able to say how I feel and know that someone might be listening.

ccam1973

Sorry about your struggles Jen. I agree with the others here, one thing is for sure... drinking will only make everything worse.

Great job on not drinking since Dec 27. That in itself is a huge accomplishment. The only actions you can control are your own. The best thing you can do is be clear headed and alcohol free while going through this tough time.

Lean on us as much as you need.

Buttonpusher

Hello, i posted something similar on the womens thread last night. My ladt drink was on 1/1/16. I am very emotional lately, i had to go home sick from work on friday because i was crying and i couldnt pull myself together.... have you gone to any meetings? I am going to my first (in years) tonight. All the best to you

Soberwolf

Welcome Jen

Upward2Enlightenment

Welcome Jen.

I'm sorry that you are going through this but, it is better to remain sober.
Perhaps he is drinking in the hopes that you will relapse and then he can blame alcoholism for the divorce.

Best wishes.

Madwoman

Firstly, well done you haven't used alcohol in an extremely emotive environment.
I understand his reaction I think.
He is phenomenonally angry and wants to make you suffer.
He may be trying to reflect your previous behaviour at you so you can appreciate what he has suffered.
He may not forgive you for some time or maybe not at all.
Regardless you must warn him that he will develop dependency on alcohol unless he stops.
Sadly people assume it is a weakness, a deficiency rather than plain old heavy drinking causing dependency!
Having said that there is undoubtedly a genetic component that will cause addiction quicker in susceptible individuals.
That perhaps is why we hide it for so long.
The stigma attached is huge.
No-one is immune, we should know.
This place is lovely because everyone has been there, everyone understands and supports you when you need to tell your horror stories.
Telling them helps let them go and forgive yourself.
Thinking of you, work through your recovery, you first marriage second.
Sorry sounds harsh but it is the only way.
Keep up the good work!!

Soberwolf

Have a nice day Jen

D122y

Jen.

7 posts. Hi and welcome.

I'll offer that at about 45 days in, my brain was jacked up.

Light, too much talking, radio while driving, arguing, any stress etc etc..caused me a fight or flight reaction. I was always tired from stress. I would walk in the house and immediately lay down.

But, I still managed to hit the gym a bit. I tried to eat clean. I fought for my sleep. I drank tons of water. I was healing.

Your man is not fully in your corner right now. My wife was in mine about half way. I told her I was suffering from the healing. It helped.

The rest of the world had no clue I was suffering.

I did my healing drug free. No dr.s meds.

Anthing that happens to you for the next several months to a year might irritate you more.

They told me here try not to make any life altering decisions if possible..e.g. tell the boss you need to quit work...get separated....buy a new house etc for a long while.

Thanks. Hope this helps.