secretchord

So I go out and sing karaoke every so often. Usually at a bowling alley. Since I stopped drinking I notice that I'm really uneasy around drunk people. Once there was a lady that drank so much she fell off her stool and cracked her head hard on the tile not once, but twice. You could hear her head hit the floor and she looked dead on the ground. This has stuck with me for many weeks. I was so bothered and upset by this that I had to leave. Everyone else kept drinking their booze and continued on with their night. Me, i was so upset and worried this poor woman would go home and die in her sleep. It was so messed up.

Then last weekend there was a bar fight. I couldn't stand the feeling of people being so out of control. I had to leave right away.

Why is this stuff bothering me so much now? maybe has something to do with me being the child of an alcoholic? This stuff never bothered me drinking.

Stang

Drunk people get on my damned nerves.

secretchord

They get on my nerves too but mostly they scare the crap out of me.

least

I don't like being around drunk people cause it reminds me of my 'bad ol' days' when I was drinking. It is such a stark reminder of how bad I was.

Dee74

I think a lot of us feel that way secretchord. Maybe it hits too close to home?

D

Anna

It could be the repressed feelings from childhood that are now creeping into your mind. I have found that recovery is a journey and it's often like unpeeling the layers of an onion. There is always something more to learn.

blueberry2015

I too find it uncomfortable. When I get like that.... I get out!

secretchord

It felt like something really awful could have happened and no one would've even cared or noticed. I felt unsafe. Maybe that's why I drank? To feel safe among these crazy people who kind of remind me of someone that hurt me when I was younger.

secretchord

I really felt raw emotions when those things happened. It bothered me more than it would a normal person. I don't like drunk people. How could I be one of them?

Perhaps I'm thinking or feeling more than I should.

blueberry2015

I think its normal to feel like that as a recovering alcoholic tbh, I wouldnt over analyise it too much, having said that it has triggered feelings of your past which may need to be explored. Have you any support to talk this through with? X x x

Tonymblue

I hear yah there. No one likes drunk people except other drunk people.

secretchord

Thanks. I know my past. And I know how painful it was for me growing up. I went through a good part of my twenties in therapy inpatient and out. I know what lies beneath the surface. Talking about my past never resolved anything except made things worse in my family. Nobody wants to talk about what happened and nobody is sorry. That's the impression I got. I'm trying to focus more on my future and leave all that behind. You know?

blueberry2015

Yes I do understand x x

bradly22

You should find another hangout.

Stang

Yea if drunkards bother you and they do bother me a bar is a poor choice for hangin out.

IvanMike

It's amazing that it takes us so long to figure that out. When I first got clean I would go see my pal sing at a local bar every Sunday (after I hit an NA meeting no less) and drink tonic water. A few weeks in and it dawned on me that I had no business being there, I was about as safe as a toddler playing in a busy intersection at night.

I play in bands, and somehow I made it through the gigs I still had on the books when I got clean. I quit playing in bars. So far the only gigs I've done have been fairs every summer. If and when I'll return to playing bar gigs remains to be seen. If I do it will be with a lot of planning and with a careful pulse on how I am doing.

Even with some time clean I have to be careful who I associate with. I've had experiences where being around other people who were drinking simultaneously looked revolting and appealing. There are a lot of people I simply can't be around any longer, and some I can only be with for a short while. Being in the proximity of people that are loaded can affect me greatly, and I have no need to test my recovery.

As always, YMMV.

secretchord

Sadly there is no karaoke in this town where alcohol isn't involved. :/

SportsFan15

This may sound crazy but I actually feel like a scared child around drunk people. Like I'm 5 years old in the middle of a horror movie. And as you described, it feels even scarier because it seems like no one else "sees" it the way I do, in the moment.

I chose to keep it simple (which is unlike me!) and say:

I don't enjoy being around drunk people. I get to choose where I spend my time.

And I've not been around someone who is clearly drunk since!

I agree with Dee, none of us enjoy being around drunk people.....and I'm so grateful I'll never be drunk again, with continued work in recovery.

SportsFan15

Secretchord, I had to find people, places, things that gave me true enjoyment, fun, and rejuvenation that I THOUGHT I was getting at social drinking situations.

I've found now that human connection is so much more fun and special and more is gained at other places. I realize you didn't ask for this part of my advice, but do you have any hobbies or places or things you do that can rejuvenate and engage you?

One of my biggest favs is stimulating conversation. Which I've realized is far far better sober!

JoeCree

Ive been at a Karaoke party that was totally alcohol free, i must admit it was rather boring. I think part of the allure of karaoke is two fold:
1) youre so bad that it is funny
2) youre so good that people are in awe
The in between is what is boring, and why I think "drinking" lends itself to that activity.

For someone like yourself who loves it, unfortunately most people need alcohol to enjoy the experience (see above). My suggestion is to stay away from the bar, and chalk this up to collateral damage. Perhaps buy a karoake machine from amazon and try hosting a party with fellow prople who truly enjoy it for what it is, and not an excuse to drink.

The other idea is that you try videoing yourself doing it an rewatching to see if you get better. Then, if you have the guts: posting to youtube

Now that is a tough crowd, but.. at least you are in a safe environment.