TaylorSaint

I was babysitting my 4 nephews overnight ( the youngest is 4) something I agreed to a few weeks ago while intoxicated. Having the 4 year old always stresses me out at night, always afraid he's going to try to leave the house in the middle of the night. So I sleep very lightly. Then my adult sons who live at home and work the night shift as bartenders ( sadly) come home I'm wide awake disoriented and panicky. Check on every one can't fall back asleep. Scroll through face book to find an old high school friend of mine, her husband has died. ( no details) he was not even 40.

All day I have been feeling this over whelming sadness. I want to cry, I want to drink, I feel such an overwhelming weight. I never even met the guy! I feel guilt how I have taken advantage of my own marriage. I'm having a very hard time getting it together today.


I was so happy yesterday. I wNt to dinner at a pub and had ice water with my fish and chips, content not to drink. Today I am floundering. 😞

TaylorSaint

My depression is always high in February. Winter blues hit me hard.

ZeldaFan

Sorry to hear you are having such a rough day. It's common for emotions to be all over the place for awhile after you quit drinking. Your AV will try to take advantage of these changes in emotion so the best thing you can do it stay strong and stay sober. Just like you are looking back on yesterday as such a good day, tomorrow when you are feeling better you will look back on today and be proud you stayed sober. Each time you have a victory like that, you gain more strength in your sobriety. Be strong and keep posting and reading here to stay occupied.

FLCamper

Hang in there, T.S. Today will not last forever. Small kids, no sleep and emotional events can be challenging one at a time - you've gotten slammed!
Don't drink that won't help and will cause more problems in the long run.

TaylorSaint

I did not realize how much my coping skills for daily life has deteriorated.

least

Please don't give in and drink. It will just make things worse.

You can get thru this sober and come out stronger for it.

Mia83

Don't drink! Every situation you encounter without alcohol is another battle won. The fact you went out for a meal and didn't drink is so brilliant of you- that would be a major trigger for me, so you've given me hope. If it's any consolation my emotions are all over the place, one day I think I'm flying high and feeling In control then something happens and I'm back to feeling down again.
Try to avoid any more extra childcare for a while- sounds like you've done your good deed there anyway (4kids!).
Have a nice evening and remember how much worse you will feel tomorrow if you drink. Stay strong and take care

beeme

Drinking will only make you more depressed. Stay strong, you can do this.

Berrybean

No. I didn't either. We're kind of deluded by the alcohol that we're 'survivors' when actually we don't cope at all well with anything that isn't going well / how we want it to go / is out of our control.

This is why only the first of the 12-steps in AA's recovery plan even mention alcohol. The other 11 are all about learning do cope with life on life's terms, and find serenity, inner peace, freedom and joy to replace the malady, discontent, fear and irritability that we feel as dry alcoholics. It has changed my life - from the inside.

I hope you find something to help learn some new coping strategies (tools of recovery) soon. It sounds like you're pretty much in a place of torment right now.

Steely

Sorry to hear that you are struggling. Drinking for me was a maladaptive approach to dealing with my emotions and precluded me from the emotional maturity that I seek. You will be disappointed in yourself if you drink and will not have moved forward, that being the goal. You will make a much better babysitter sober, and when you hand the kids back extremely proud that you handled life sober.

Dee74

Hi Taylor Saint

don't be too hard on yourself

Everyone has bad days, alcoholic or not - but it's also very common to be emotionally up and down in early recovery

I hope you'll feel better tomorrow

D

Soberwolf

Wishing you a better day today TS

sva777

As quickly as your day seemed to turn to sadness and gloom you know it can go back to happy just as fast.

TaylorSaint

Thanks guys. I made it through. Insomnia was terrible, still working on ways to shut of my mind at night. So today I'm certainly tired and still a little blue. February always seems to be hard on me regardless of what else is going on. Moving forward.

Anna

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. The winter blues is something that hits me, too and I suffer if I can't get outside and walk. So, I always try to have a winter project in my mind, like sorting the digital photos I have and organizing them. It helps to have something as a 'go-to' project when I'm stuck inside.

I hope your insomnia clears quickly.

sva777

Sleepy time tea really helped with my insomnia early on. Drink a cup or two 30 minutes before bed.

Plure

Definitely been in your shoes a few times. The anxiety and bewilderment that comes after stopping can be excruciating. But just hunker down and focus on day by day...before you know it, your brain chemistry will start to settle down and right itself. Then you will feel much better. Hang in there!

TaylorSaint

I really do feel all over the place. It's Valentine's Day. And I would love a glass of wine. No real plans today because out anniversary is Tuesday. Just feeling very mopey and bored. But pushing through. This next weekend is supposed to warm up so there is something to look forward to.

Dee74

If this is a condition you've had for a while do you think seeing a Dr might help?

D