thomas11

Just wanted to make a quick post about some things going on that I consider to be tools used in my sobriety.

1. I mentioned before I downloaded an online book entitled You Can Quit Alcohol by Vance Farrell, I have just begun reading it, but will read for 30-60 minutes per day.

2. Remaining engaged. I make an effort to keep mentally engaged or occupied in things. I get up with my wife each morning, I still have a routine, and I follow current events, reading a book I had bought to help me with my job search etc...I'm trying to stay busy. It helps me. I don't watch a lot of TV (other than sports) but I' m staying somewhat engaged in the political circus that is the election cycle in the U.S. right now.

3. This one is a little different. This past superbowl weekend I was around people that were drinking. I observed most people drink very moderately and handle it quite well, it seemed to enhance their evening and that was it. I also observed someone with a pretty serious problem. It was uncomfortable. I consider him a pretty good friend, and I consider him to be an intelligent motivated individual. His behavior was annoying and embarrassing. No doubt I've been in that condition many times, but it was the first time since I got hurt that I've watched what a person with a drinking problem act like. And this was for 2 full days. He might have thought he was having a good time, and maybe he was, but he paid a heavy price. Everyone was fed up with him and physically he was destroyed. I've been there and I don't doubt I could find myself in the same situation again if I don't remain vigilant or get "casual" regarding alcohol. So, just some thoughts I thought I'd share.

Lastly, I read here almost daily that for some folks on this forum who are struggling badly, they are advised that getting sober and getting help is the most important thing in their life right now. NOTHING is more important that sobering up and staying that way. Every time I read that, it resonates me, because I personally believe it is 100% true.

Anna

Thomas, I think that anything which helps you on your recovery path can be considered a tool. I'm glad you're doing well.

FreeOwl

Nice toolkit.



I have been percolating on a post of my own about your #3. "Observation".

I have found it really useful as a tool when I'm in settings where people are drinking and I have any triggering feeling or thoughts of drinking - to simply go into observation mode. It helps me pass the time and let the feeling pass as well. It has the added benefit of informing me a little more about the 'reality' of drinking. What I mean is that when I was a drinking man, I believed that everyone drank like I did, that we were all having a blast and that I'd be missing out if I didn't drink. In sobriety, I observe a wide range of drinkers. There are folks who certainly appear to be problematic drinkers; bingers, excessives, dailies and regular-weeklies. There are sloppies and friendlies and just totally-stick-to-one casuals who actually seem to drink because they just like the taste. There are also many who abstain. Some of them are religious, some of them are in recovery, some of them just don't like to drink because it's legitimately inconsistent with how they like to live and some - actually just don't drink because they DON'T LIKE IT.

I find that when I shift to simply observing, and begin to really SEE the drinking going on, I start to see a few things. Mostly the things I begin to see are;

Reflections of the REALITY of how I drank

Recognition in others' behavior of how I'd behave if I drank
Affirmations in others' stories about the negatives (boy was I trashed / hungover / Wasted)

Affirmations in others' NON-drinking that I'm not the only one

Recognition in the same old stories flowing and the laughter and the apparent "awesome time" that the scene unfolding before me is actually pretty hollow, shallow and insignificant, precisely BECAUSE of the alcohol.

And then suddenly I'll realize with a smile that any desire to drink has passed, that I have learned some things, re-affirmed some things, and it's time to go home.... sober.

Observation is a great tool.

ScottFromWI

I'm with anna, any tools you can use to help you along the way are good.

I'm not sure that #3 is so healthy for you specifically though. If you go back and read your old posts, one of the problems you have had on a recurring basis is deflecting away from your own problems by concentrating on other people's problems ( your brother, your dad, some of your business associates, etc. ). As long as you can learn something from the experience it's certainly a good reminder of what COULD happen if you drink again, but it could also let you slip back into the trap of comparing yourself or neglecting to take care of your own issues.

SoberLeigh

Hi, Jeff.

Tools #1 and #2 seem like a great idea.

Have you ever considered AVRT? I suspect that you may find it a valuabe tool. I'll post a link in a minute.

SoberLeigh

Here is the link, Jeff:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

You may also want to consider reading the book Rational Recovery which you will find referenced in the link.

Soberwolf

Seconding Scott's post

StayStrong33

1 and 2 sound great!

thomas11

Thanks FreeOwl, I have not observed a lot of drunkenness since I've gotten hurt, but the handful of times I have, it is quite the deterrent. In the past I hadn't given it much thought, but this weekend gave me a kind of an "ah-ha" moment. I thought to myself "who in their right mind would WANT to act like that?" I assume nobody.

thomas11

I can understand that Scott. I just wanted to mention that instead of feeling like I should join him in his drunken antics, I was borderline repulsed.

ScottFromWI

It is quite an eye opener to be sure. I went out to dinner with my family last week at a local bar/restaurant for a Friday Fish Fry. We weren't at the bar itself, but in the dining area. There was a group at the bar though that was watching something on TV and being typical bar drunks, loud and kind of obnoxious. They weren't falling down drunk or anything but at one point during the meal my daughter asked "why are they yelling so much and talking funny". My response was something like "when people drink alchohol they sometimes get that way". And her responses was "and that's why you don't drink beer anymore, right?". Kind of hit me right in the gut...because she was exactly right.

thomas11

So I read through the link that soberleigh directed me too. I fall into that school of thought. I do consider drinking a choice, not a disease. I know some disagree strongly with that. I could elaborate at length about it, but its pointless. When that glass touches my lips, it was of my own doing. And mine alone.

ScottFromWI

I believe it's both. It's my choice to drink or not, but if I DO drink what happens after that is beyond my control. And there is nothing I can do to change whatever is "broken/diseased/etc" inside me that causes that loss of control once I start drinking. Whether you call it a disease or not really makes no difference to me, but I fully admit that I "am" an alcoholic and that I need to treat my alcholism appropriately, even if i'm not actively drinking.

ALinNS

Seems like a good list, if it works for you then it's the right kit, some of us need more, others less, it's finding what keeps one sober and sticking to it, that really is what matters, IMHO

Soberwolf

Scott your advice is excellent

Fly N Buy

Early on the first drink was indeed a choice for me. Later, not so much.......

Here's an interesting read;

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html


The point at which alcohol's stimulating effects are overshadowed by the sedative and toxic effects varies from drinker to drinker. For some people, one drink is the limit. Others can drink four, five and more drinks and still experience alcohol's stimulating and euphoric effects. Alcoholics develop an increased physical resistance to alcohol's effects (called "tolerance"), and some can drink many times more than nonalcoholics while continuing to behave as if they were on their first few drinks. Thus alcohol remains stimulating and pleasurable for alcoholics even after they have drunk amounts which would cause nonalcoholics acute discomfort.

Because an alcoholics system(s) metabolizes alcohol differently than a non-alcoholic.

There are many (means) ways/methods/tools etc......not drinking or using prescription drugs daily is the ( to the "end" goal/result of being sober today)

jaynie04

Jeff, have you read "Under the Influence?" It documents the physiology behind alcoholism. For me once I saw the fact that my body's chemistry was permanently altered drinking again made no sense at all. It took away any negotiating or illusion that drinking would ever be feasible for me, it would simply be wasting time.

.I know you have been struggling with procrastination, it is an issue for me too. Immediately when I knew I was never going to drink again I felt like I was moving forward. I am not exaggerating when I say my day 1 to this day feels like the day I started a completely new life. I see everything in terms of before and after, there is a sharp differentiation in my mind. I had a period around 6 months when I felt swamped with ennui and feeling flat, but I believed the folks here who told me it would pass and it did. And when my motivation returned it was thrilling to know it was sustainable and not induced by some drug and booze filled mental state.

I think most of us expect that very early sobriety might be really really hard and we prepare for that. What seems to hit a lot of us is when we hit that plateau where we have seen some improvements after getting sober but are off the pink cloud. In retrospect that time was more difficult, because it was really protracted and even though nothing was really wrong, nothing was really right either. It is a phase, and it will pass.

I think that sobriety is progressive just like alcoholism is progressive. I think that sobriety however, progresses far more quickly than our descent into alcoholism. We have reversed course but don't yet know the route. I urge you to read that book if you haven't, it was really beneficial to me.

EndGameNYC

I'll start by saying that my concern is that you're going to continue to put yourself in dangerous situations or, at the very least, continue drinking to one extent or another. I don't mean to be a downer, and doing just about anything in the service of getting sober is more helpful than doing nothing at all.

I didn't and, in my case, couldn't know what tools would work for me when I first put down the drink. So I remained open to anything that people suggested who had achieved sobriety. The way I was drinking, and what it did to me and other people, it would have been insane for me to limit my options. I mentally discounted some things that people suggested because they didn't sound "right" for me, which was largely based on fear and prejudicial thinking. By rarely and/or minimally acting on other people's suggestions here (as I see it), you've limited yourself to the help you may need, but also may not now be aware of.

The things you've listed, while potentially helpful, tend to exclude taking direct action to help you get sober. This has been your downfall in the past, and on more than one occasion.

A couple of things about Step #3 got my attention. You noticed that "most people drink very moderately and handle it quite well, it seemed to enhance their evening and that was it." Makes me wonder if there isn't a part of you that still believes that you can do this. And, agreeing with Scott, comparing yourself to other people who drink or who do anything else, really, is bad psychology. The only person and the only behavior you need to address is you and yours. We all compare ourselves to other people; it's how we're built. But it's not a tool for either recovery or growth when we use it as a means of evaluating ourselves in comparison to people who seem either better off or worse off than we are.

Saskia

A very helpful video for me, which I first saw in my IOP IS "Pleasure Unwoven". A doctor who is also an alcoholic narrates and demonstrates how alcohol addiction works physiologically. I thought it was an eye-opener. I had a general understanding of addiction but this made it so much clearer.

I also have noticed other people where I live - both those who have an occasional or even daily single drink and those who "overdo". Although I was repulsed by the latter, I felt that I still felt some fascination with it and therefore avoid being in those situations as much as possible. I remind myself every day why I don't want to drink and sign in to the 24-hour thread here daily. After a year-and-a-half of sobriety, I feel even more strongly that drinking is a temptation that is simply not worth listening to.

thomas11

Jaynie, thank you for this. I will look into it. I am having some issues with motivation right now (have some regret posting about it). I was/am definitely not the guy who quit drinking and the next day I was disillusioned that my life is now "fixed". I'm slowly moving forward. As Anna posted in another thread, I'm right where I am supposed to be in my life at this point (paraphrasing a bit).

I've had 2 life changing events happen in 7 months, and am tackling alcohol. Proud to say I have been sober for awhile, but admit it was around 2 weeks ago, I did drink to the point of intoxication. I posted about it.