Im new to this site, in need of a little TLC
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: australia
Posts: 1
Im new to this site, in need of a little TLC
Hi , I'm really not sure if I'm in the right place for a bit of support. My husband of 15 yrs is an alcoholic and I think ive found his hidden bottles of bourbon one too many times . I love him but now feel so sad that I can not feel there is any hope for us. He wont go to AA he changes the subject and says sorry and tells me to "move on and not keep dwelling on the past'' Is there any way for me to make this work?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi and Welcome,
If you mean is there any way to help your husband stop drinking, that's unlikely. I do hope he makes the decision to stop drinking and begin recovery. But, there are ways to help yourself. You might check out AlAnon in your area for support for yourself. You might also check out our Friends & Families forum on this board.
If you mean is there any way to help your husband stop drinking, that's unlikely. I do hope he makes the decision to stop drinking and begin recovery. But, there are ways to help yourself. You might check out AlAnon in your area for support for yourself. You might also check out our Friends & Families forum on this board.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family. 
You cannot control what he does, but you can control how you react to it. I suggest AlAnon for you, for support. And we have a friends and family forum which you might find helpful.
You cannot control what he does, but you can control how you react to it. I suggest AlAnon for you, for support. And we have a friends and family forum which you might find helpful. Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
best thing you can do is get yourself some support, learn all you can, bolster your own well-being through self care, therapy if necessary, support to empower you with the strength to understand that;
This is not your fault
Your husband's condition is not within your control
Your husband's condition is not within HIS control unless/until he decides he wants it to change
Don't think too far into the future of what-if... just focus on taking those steps for now. You came to a good place for insight, education and support.
This is not your fault
Your husband's condition is not within your control
Your husband's condition is not within HIS control unless/until he decides he wants it to change
Don't think too far into the future of what-if... just focus on taking those steps for now. You came to a good place for insight, education and support.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 36
Hey joh,
Well, you've made a very important first step for yourself - by coming here. As stated above, it would also be highly recommended to find a group that you could attend.
Isolation is one of the most pernicious evils of alcoholism. Whether your are the drinker or a loved one - you feel like you're alone in the world. For better or worse, there are millions of us!
You are not alone.
I also agree that trying to change your husband is virtually impossible. Even if and when he decides to do that himself - it won't be easy.
Just like they say in the airplane safety demo - "Put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others."
Take care of yourself and check back here often - you will find lots of support here.
Well, you've made a very important first step for yourself - by coming here. As stated above, it would also be highly recommended to find a group that you could attend.
Isolation is one of the most pernicious evils of alcoholism. Whether your are the drinker or a loved one - you feel like you're alone in the world. For better or worse, there are millions of us!
You are not alone.
I also agree that trying to change your husband is virtually impossible. Even if and when he decides to do that himself - it won't be easy.
Just like they say in the airplane safety demo - "Put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others."
Take care of yourself and check back here often - you will find lots of support here.
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