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I can't do it

Old 02-08-2016, 02:06 PM
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Unhappy I can't do it

Having a bad Monday. My father started telling me how I am an embarrassment. I am almost 40 and I don't have anything. I lost my job last year, and got depressed, just couldn't look for another job. Since moving to the city I don't know anyone and I have no friends. I don't even have a gf. Tried dating at my last job, but then it came back to bite me and I got fired. Everything my father told me I already know, but I don't know how to change my life.

I don't know how to get out of this hole that I am in. I felt really really bad about what he said. Made a split decision to buy a 5th so I could make it to tomorrow without freaking out anymore or doing anything to myself I would regret later.
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:10 PM
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JD
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Hey whopper. Sorry to hear things aren't going well. But is a 5th going to make anything better? Why don't you get rid of it.

Have you ever considered seeing a doctor about depression?
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:12 PM
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I agree with JD. Why not pour out that 5th? Pouring out that 5th will be a win since you'll still be sober.

Why not focus on recovery? If you focus on recovery, some of these other things may help sort themselves out.
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:25 PM
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Originally Posted by jd1639 View Post
Hey whopper. Sorry to hear things aren't going well. But is a 5th going to make anything better? Why don't you get rid of it.

Have you ever considered seeing a doctor about depression?
Seeing the doctor about depression has been in my thoughts. I just don't know what it entails? I mean I would just want the meds, and I don't think I would be so interested in seeing a psychologist. I know what my problems are already, so telling them to a psychologist would be useless to me.
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:39 PM
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Originally Posted by whopper View Post
Seeing the doctor about depression has been in my thoughts. I just don't know what it entails? I mean I would just want the meds, and I don't think I would be so interested in seeing a psychologist. I know what my problems are already, so telling them to a psychologist would be useless to me.
You don't need to see a psychologist if you don't want to. The meds can get you out of a rut and start feeling better about yourself. It can take awhile to find the right med and they don't act fast. They also have side effects you need to be aware of.

I don't know if you get any exercise, if not force yourself to get out and get some everyday. That can help a lot.
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:42 PM
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A 5th always leads to a 6th, 7th and 8th. Okay, I know that was bad but you really don't need a drink. I'm sorry your dad isn't supportive and he's cutting you down.

You think that you know what your problems are and that a psychologist would be useless but you are also telling us that "I don't know how to change my life." A psychologist can help you identify what you need in order to make that change. Consider them a life coach as opposed to a fixer at this point. What harm could it do? Rather than shoot down the idea, give it a try.

I wouldn't worry about having a girlfriend at this point. Romantic relationships when you aren't healthy or feeling good about yourself are only a bandage to the underlying problem.

Take care of yourself first.
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:46 PM
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I'm sorry your dad said that but I'm sorrier tat you bought booze over it Whopper.

That 5th is just adding gas to the fire, man.
If you want change, make change...dump that 5th right down the sink, right now.

D
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:50 PM
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Family can be really tough on us, in my experience alcohol only makes it worse, in my case it was the root of the issue.

Therapy can be very beneficial, we are all different, I know in my case learning coping and healing skills is what keeps me sober and may of the issues in my past I talked out with professionals are no longer an issue. I tend to be more of a try it and see what happens person, give it a chance and if it doesn't work, then move on.

All the best

Andrew
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:51 PM
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That's an awful thing for a father to say to his son. No doubt it's coming from his own insecurities which are making it hard for him to love you the way that you need right now.

It's absolutely fine to go on meds and not get therapy if that's what your preference is. It's fine over here, anyway, and I imagine it's the same in the States.

You should stick around SR, Whopper, you'll get lots of support here :-)
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:53 PM
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Get rid of the booze and make a real effort to stay sober. It's worth it.
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Old 02-08-2016, 03:25 PM
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Just to say that I know how you are feeling, whopper. My family says nothing to me, I just feel it myself everytime that I see them: "that I should have done better". The anxiety can be overwhealming.

I also lost my job and after not getting a new one for some time, I got terribly depressed - stopped looking and stopped leavning the house. That is not else but waiting for disaster to happen...

Last time I decided to drink over it, it lasted a week. I didn't even know what day or time it was. I was trying to sleep, woke up and tried to push down beer so I could stop crying and go back to sleep. That didn't exactly improve my situation.

Maybe you can do some volonteering to start with. If you're not actively looking for a job anyway, it would be a way to get out of your house and your loneliness. Maybe with time you will find the strenght to continue looking for a paying job.

To begin with do, put the bottle down. Get through those awful first days and try, really try to change. It can be done!
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Old 02-08-2016, 03:36 PM
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I'm really sorry that your father spoke to you like that. It's just really sad.

Never give up! I think the best thing right now is to take some action and that's how you will get out of the hole. Get rid of the alcohol. A good place to start would be to volunteer somewhere in your community. It's a great place to me new and sober people. It could help you in your job search and to feel better about yourself. Talk to your dr about the depression. It's possible that medication could help and make a difference in your life.
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Old 02-08-2016, 04:02 PM
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Whopper, I'm sorry too that you were made to feel so low. Uncalled for and not helpful.

Please don't sabotage yourself by continuing to drink. I know you think it helps you cope, but it just holds you down. You need a clear head to deal with things and to make a happy life for yourself. We believe in you, whopper.
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Old 02-08-2016, 04:22 PM
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I just want to take issue with your thread title. You can do this!

You put your sobriety first. Stop drinking, develop and execute a plan, and inc your head is clear and you have more confidence you can address your other problems.

It's a shame about your dad being that insensitive, but it is what it what it is. Don't give him the opportunity to say "I told you so."

You can do this. Get help, and make your other decisions with a clear head.
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Old 02-08-2016, 04:25 PM
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You don't need to drink that bottle you bought...pour it out!

You got this. Don't give someone else the power to make you drink.
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Old 02-08-2016, 04:25 PM
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I'm so sorry he said those things to you. It's not something that's going to help you. I know how that goes. I have some family members who would say those kinds of things and not think twice about it. It does come from a negative place. You have to rise above them, truly.

Toss out the alcohol, because it's only a waste of your time. It's digging you a deeper hole.

The best way out is through. That means no escaping allowed. Escapes are illusions.

The best thing is to go on and live your life, sober, and leave those family members nothing to talk about. They will be left to deal with the fact they have a juvenile mentality when you're getting healthy and moving on.
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Old 02-08-2016, 05:30 PM
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For me getting on an antidepressant (Lexapro) was the best thing ever...that and a sleep med which helped get me over the hump as I was pretty anxious after I quit drinking. Honestly, I didn't realize how depressed and anxious I had slowly become over the years and now I know. I think for the reason I wasn't so depressed as in late 2014 that I've been able to recognize that my "social" drinking was anything but and quit again before it got bad like last time. Getting depression under control is a great thing and talking to a doc is a great place to start.
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Old 02-08-2016, 05:37 PM
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Sobriety was a great foundation to build a life upon I found!!

You can do this Whopper, never give up!!
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Old 02-08-2016, 06:52 PM
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Originally Posted by whopper View Post
...I don't think I would be so interested in seeing a psychologist. I know what my problems are already, so telling them to a psychologist would be useless to me.
Therapists aren't there to cure the problems in your life...they're there to help give you the tools to cope with them so that YOU can move forward...

You're going to have problems in life...always...but with a better perspective, you can learn to navigate them more easily...

You can do it...
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Old 02-08-2016, 10:33 PM
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Resentment is drinking poison & hoping the other person dies - something like that I think

Whatever was said drinking is only hurting you I had to learn to believe in myself & stay authentic I also had to learn to love myself I don't mean ego I mean knowing who I am - btw I'm still finding out lol

The world is a cold hard place no one hits as hard as life and it will keep you there on your knees if you let it

My advice is dust yourself down review your sobriety plan & surround yourself here with friends who care

https://youtu.be/mgmVOuLgFB0
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