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02/08/16

Old 02-10-2016, 11:08 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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[QUOTE=BD84;5789529]Great point. Its not AV. I will do better. 12 days to be more spacific. I am going to give this a try and intend not to fail./QUOTE]

I beg to differ, it's completely your AV. I have read your other posts and you started committing to a "life of sobriety". Moderating isn't sobriety. Now that it's starting to wear off you are changing your mind.

I hope that you are successful and that your drinking doesn't continue to be a problem. Rely on us for support, we know it isn't easy but it's worth it.
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Old 02-10-2016, 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted by BD84 View Post
I will make it through these events sober and happy then be here to report back.
That would mean that you don't drink at all. Drinking in moderation is not sobriety.
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Old 02-10-2016, 11:23 AM
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Its worth it I know and I have come so far since post 1. I mean I couldn't even make it to day 3 without tremendous urges. I Have committed to the hiding and binging being in the past. Its been a journey and been scary but believe in myself more than ever.

Really looking forward to this weekend getting things accomplished without a single sip.

I am leaning towards no but some here might be right and I might have to avoid events with alcohol completely. In the past few months I have had 2-3 beers while my wife (drinks 1 glass of wine and never seen her drunk) has a glass after work. This has been nice. These events do not lead to drunkenness or Sleep WD symptoms the next day. Its the weekend binges that do that. And those are done. Theres more than life.
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Old 02-10-2016, 11:33 AM
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Unfortunately I do not have the power to control intake once I start and I refuse to let that determine to outcome for what now is a great life, job, partner, and outlook.

I don't want to harp at you but this was your first post. AV is in control right now. You will be successful at moderating for some time but in the long run most of us end up where we started. I tried to moderate and I did it sometimes but then I had those times that it was horrible...

Again: I want to support you that's why I'm telling you this. I see your progress but don't let this progress fuel your AV. Have you read about AVRT? It has really helped me.
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Old 02-10-2016, 11:44 AM
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I have read about it. Its not in control because I don't want to be drunk and am scared of doing it again. Its talking but nothing like this time last year at this time. The SV is talking more because I am happier with him as a friend.

As far as enjoying a few beers when the situation calls for it while never going over driving limit like a normal human being not being sobriety....I just don't agree. That might have to be the road I go down eventually but I am going to work harder than I ever have at anything to make that not the case.
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Old 02-10-2016, 11:52 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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People will know what's up.
Really?
So if you quit drinking, people will know you have a problem, if you keep drinking they won't.

There is "needs to" and "has to"
Until there is a "wants to" , "needs to" and "has to" don't mean a thing.

The mere fact that forever scares you is an indication that forever might be the way. You don't have to commit to forever right now. You just have to commit for a day. And the next... Eventually those days add up and you'll come to realize that forever is not a bad thing.

Don't look at it as 'punishment' not being 'able' to drink. Look at it as 'empowerment' for you to live a better life by choosing not to drink.
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Old 02-10-2016, 12:07 PM
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Like I have said. I have done it plenty in the past year. I have drank a few beers and stopped. We are all different here. Its the hiding and drinking liquor alone that I am stopping. The binges that lead to slight withdrawal symptoms will be stopping.

If 2 weekends from now go horribly I will be back to pledge to stop. This weekend I wont be taking a sip. Just believe folks.
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Old 02-10-2016, 12:24 PM
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Originally Posted by BD84 View Post
Just believe folks.
Believe what? That you will be able to drink moderately next weekend?
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Old 02-10-2016, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by BD84 View Post
As far as enjoying a few beers when the situation calls for it while never going over driving limit like a normal human being not being sobriety....I just don't agree.
Wow... Please take a step back, read this and tell me what you think. Is this your AV or SV?
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Old 02-10-2016, 01:09 PM
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You guys are pushing me away from here not helping. I have made 2 promises:

A.) do as I often do and enjoy a beer normally.

Or

B.) fail and have to abstain

Most seem to think B will be the road and thats ok. I will prove you wrong. The negativity is nothing but encouragement.

I have committed to 12 days and the first weekend sober in many years but theres no talk of that.

I will update as the journey continues.
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Old 02-10-2016, 01:19 PM
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I'm sorry I'm pushy.

I will stay back.

Rely on this place and use it for support. There's always someone here to listen.
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Old 02-10-2016, 01:32 PM
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Being able to drink socially seems to be real important to you. That should tell you something. People who drink in moderate amounts don't place much importance on being able to drink.
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Old 02-10-2016, 01:45 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by BD84 View Post
You guys are pushing me away from here not helping. I have made 2 promises:

A.) do as I often do and enjoy a beer normally.

Or

B.) fail and have to abstain

Most seem to think B will be the road and thats ok. I will prove you wrong. The negativity is nothing but encouragement.

I have committed to 12 days and the first weekend sober in many years but theres no talk of that.

I will update as the journey continues.
I'd again share with you BD that SR is a site dedicated to sobriety. You won't find support for "normal" drinking or encouragement for it because it's "not as bad" as binge drinking. It is absolutely your choice if your goal is to take a week off and them try drinking again next weekend, but that is not sobriety and it's not something that anyone here will condone. By choosing to keep bringing it up, you will continue to receive the same response - because what you are proposing is impossible for the rest of us. A "pipe dream" so to speak.
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Old 02-10-2016, 01:48 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Just a reminder that we support abstinence on this board.

That doesn't mean that our members don't relapse and drink on occasion, but we do not support moderated drinking here.
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Old 02-10-2016, 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted by BD84 View Post
We are all different here. Its the hiding and drinking liquor alone that I am stopping. The binges that lead to slight withdrawal symptoms will be stopping.

If 2 weekends from now go horribly I will be back to pledge to stop.
Your statement here pretty much says it all. You’re not here for sobriety. There’s no dissuading you, so I wasn’t even going to reply. But then I remembered that a lot of newcomers are reading this thread. Newcomers and lurkers who are on the fence about quitting drinking. So while there is no discouraging you from drinking, I may encourage someone else to accept sobriety as the solution.

It’s not drinking you want to stop, it’s the hiding and the drinking alone and the binges that lead to terrible hangovers and withdrawals. You want to drink, you just don’t want the consequences of drinking. I get it. That pretty much summarizes most of my drinking years.

I didn’t want to quit drinking. Oh sure, something terrible would happen as a result of my drinking and I’d vow to quit. “That is never going to happen again,” whatever that was. But the solution I sought was never quitting drinking. It was addressing the “That” whatever that was. When the “that” was crippling hangovers, I worked on avoiding hangovers; antics like not mixing liquors, not doing shots, minimizing mid-week drinking. If the “That” was an episode of uncontrolled drinking, I rationed what I bought, or limited the money I carried going out. Stopped mixing beer with opiates, wine with sedatives.

If it was drunk driving that was prompting my vow, I was hyper vigilant about keeping the amount of alcohol consumed to manageable levels…until I got home. Then I could drink all I wanted. In the last years of my drinking, almost all of it was at home. Cured my drunk driving, didn’t cure my alcoholism.

Every attempt to control my drinking worked. Until it didn’t. And then I was right back to square one. Holding my head in my hands and vowing never to let that happen again.

I’m not even talking about the other ways that alcohol ravaged my life. I was only concerned with the things that took away the enjoyment of drinking. I wanted to drink; I just didn’t want to suffer from it.

I found the solution to my suffering, much of which I wasn’t aware of until I actually applied the solution. That solution was quitting drinking. Getting sober, staying sober, and learning how to live and love a sober life. My first break through was realizing I wasn’t a normal drinker. Never was, and never would be. The only answer was accepting never drinking again.

The second breakthrough was coming to the understanding about the futility of my drinking. That can only be done after not drinking for a while and engaging in recovery work. Only then could I embrace sobriety.

BD, if you can drink and it not make you miserable, more power to you. You’ll be the exception, but you never know until you try. You say that if you slip up, you’ll be back and you’ll accept abstinence. And if that’s the case, I hope it does prove the last straw. I hope your failure gives you the proof you need that you can’t drink. Sadly though, and this can be backed up by others who have been here as long or longer than I, not everyone who returns to drinking comes back from it.
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Old 02-10-2016, 03:06 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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It's regrettable that you're interpreting some of the responses here as being unsupportive or unhelpful. Just remember that your current line of reasoning is so so common, and pretty much everyone here has either experienced it or seen it before time and time again in other people. The reality is the odds of an alcoholic switching to moderation successfully are really long hence th skepticism and the 'reality shot' in the advice you're getting. But someone has to win the lottery, so if you do this and prove everyone wrong then more power to you!

People are just trying to make you aware of what you stand to lose if this fails for you. I started moderating, it went well for... a couple of weeks... But before I knew it I was back drinking, and even harder than before I started moderating. But the worst part is it was a full two years before I even attempted to quit again. Two whole years lost.

Anyway, do what you have to do and stick with SR through it because it will help. But I would encourage you to think about your feelings about the idea of never being able to drink again and this desire/need to be able to drink socially. Everyone in recovery faces it and no one likes it. I thought I needed to be able to drink socially. Tonight I went out for a curry with a bunch of mates, they were all knocking back the beer whilst I had sparkling water. I had a great night, drove home with a clear conscience and going to wake up tomorrow feeling fresh. All in, I had a better night not drinking than had I been drinking... Something I never ever saw coming.
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Old 02-10-2016, 03:45 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by BD84 View Post
I dont deserve it but some encouragement would be nice.
I've lost too many friends who just could not give up alcohol.

The best - and the only encouragement - I will give you is to go for abstinence.

Abstinence has changed my life immeasurably for the better.

Why would I share otherwise? How could I encourage you to drink?
I will not pre drink, I will not drink to get drunk, and I will not black out.
If you had this measure of control you would not have needed to seek out SR in the first place, BD.

I thought I could somehow learn that control but all I learned was that after that first drink I change. All bets are off because I am no longer in control.

At the end of the day if you want to drink you don't need my or anyone else's approval BD.

I don't really give a rats if I come across pushy either.

Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe in. You may not agree but I might help someone else reading.

Maybe you'll remember that b****** Dee one day and think I was maybe not such a jerk after all?

D
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Old 02-11-2016, 06:22 AM
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Last 3 post were awesome to read this morning. We have all been through a lot. I have learned so much from you guys. I realize you guys are just trying to help and my plan seems like a rocky road. I will refrain from mentioning anytime I have a beer with dinner or a couple at a gathering <- if it happens for now on. My goal is to not get drunk, not black out, not hide it, and not hurt loved ones. These are the things I will be talking about along with all the positives of not doing these things.

I have had 2 things pop up for this saturday that I would normally be getting drunk during and be drunk for the other. So looking forward to that not being the case. I did vow to 0 this weekend so water it will be.

Hell, I might get to next weekend and do the same. Day 4 I can feel the detox happening. For anyone reading this thats a weekend binger go not a sip sober with me this weekend and lets see how we feel come sunday afternoon. Even if its weekends only it still harms us due to such large amounts and we need time to get the poision out.
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Old 02-12-2016, 06:26 AM
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Happy Friday all!!

Today is day 5. I feel great but am down a bit. Something personal hapened that has given me the blues but I will not let that be a trigger. I committed to an alcohol free weekend so that is what it will be.

Hope you all have a great weekend. I will be checking in.
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Old 02-12-2016, 06:32 AM
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Good luck BD. Weekend mornings with no hangover and a fresh head are a revelation.
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