Girlfriend movin out
 

My Girlfriend is moving out after I went binge drinking and got in another fight, I came home with a bloody lip and briefly remember getting into a fight with a guy at the bar. I am not a fighter and when I get drunk i think I just make bad decisions and lose my filter. I yelled at my gf and said mean stuff while blacked out and now she is moving out for space and safety. She says I have 90 days to try and change and work on the relationship and there is a small chance that we will make it through this together. I don't crave alcohol, I can easily not drink when I want to and actually don't really like drinking that much. But sometimes when I go to the bar and get past 2 or three drinks have trouble stopping and go till last call and dont even know my own name.

I often wonder how come I don't get cut off because my brain is totally turned off and I lose control of much of my decision making. Why do the keep serving me? Why do I not ever figure out enough is enough? What can I do to let her know I am sorry I get that out of control. I am not drinking for all of february and am sure this is something I can do. I am really considering giving up alcohol forever because I keep getting myself into trouble (fights, arrested, saying stuff I don't mean, running up huge bar tabs, cheating,blacking out). I need to fix this and I want to give her the space to heal and the time to forgive me but I don't want to lose her.

Welcome, Chris!

You've posted in a very old thread, and that may limit the number of responses you get...

But there's a lot of us here who have been where you are, and we have found a better life by not drinking. Read around and post often!

Do it for you!

Welcome Chris feel free to start your own introduction thread

Hi and welcome Chris :)
I made you your own thread :)

When I was a drinker, after a particularly rowdy night, I was the 'last man standing' in the pub and I was escorted/bundled outside and lights switched off.

I then fell down a few steps - nothing broken but I have a scar across my nose to this day.

For a long time I blamed the pub and its staff - 'duty of care'!!!! - but I forgot I had a responsibility and duty of care too - to myself.

I'm glad you're coming to giving up for February and I'm glad you are considering going beyond that. Your gf moving out is serious stuff - it must be a huge red flag?

D

I hope the support here can help you get sober for good. :)

Welcome to the Forum Chris!! :wave:

I'm glad you are recognizing that drinking is so negative in your life, and I hope that you decide to stop drinking for good.

Hi mate.

There's a lot of similarity and feelings in your post that I can relate to.

I am a binge drinker too, as someone just pointed out to me, it is alcoholism too. Last night was the final straw for me and I am determined to put a stop to it for good. I intend to see someone, ( starting with GP ) tomorrow as I made a verbal effort before that I would quit the binging and lapsed. For me, involving another person, a professional in my bid to stop for good makes it official and I think this also shows that I am serious in my intention. It's the single root cause of anything bad we have experienced as a couple. Alcohol and me, just do not mix.

Was at a wedding last night and I drank all day, my girlfriend had booked us into a room, it never happened. I became drunk, I started an argument, put my fist through car windscreen and lost my wallet, cash and iPhone. She left, I left, the room went to waste and I upset her massively. Unfortunately, it's took for something to happen to make me look at myself seriously. I don't want to lose her but these drunken episodes are destroying us. At the moment I don't know where I stand. I cannot say sorry enough, I mean it from my heart and she means so much more to me than drink.

Words are nothing though, I need to prove to her and myself that I can do this and wish to do it for the right reasons. We have a great relationship and she deserves more from me than this. It's not even who I am, I don't know who I am when I am intoxicated. I havent become physically violent but there is a worrying loss of a moral barrier when I'm drunk and that frightens me.

I have to start somewhere and that's the GP tomorrow. My first step was to admit that I have a problem, I'm ready to deal with it now.

Thanks Dee! I totally understand and take responsibility for my actions and do think it is my duty to not put myself and those around me in danger. I don't hold the pub a single bit responsible, I just wonder what people(bartenders that see drunk people everyday) think when they see me when I am that drunk and I think on the outside it looks much more "together" than I am on the inside (mentally) when I drink that much. I am functioning enough to go back the bar repeatedly round after round and order drink after drink when mentally I feel like my brain has turned off two rounds ago and I feel am an entirely different person.

I have a great life when not drinking and have been an athlete all my life and enjoyed my health in so many ways. Drinking and Alcohol has caused pretty much any problem I have ever experienced including losing a parent at a young age to alcohol and having an abusive alcoholic step parent growing up. I have unintentionally ruined several relationships because of my actions when drunk. Its just been so destructive to my psyche and the people around me.

AudioKat - Thanks for sharing and this sounds very similar to my situation. I feel like I turn into a different person. I have been doing a lot of reading and I think parts of my brain do shut down and the chemicals change(react) from drinking differently than in each person. Our brian controls who we are, our thoughts, our judgements so in a way we are a different person when our brain chemistry changes. I also feel like my Moral barrier changes - and that really really scares me. I act in ways that I would never in a million years want to act or think I would act when sober.

My GF was there to see me go outside to fight and is very scared she saw me that way. The worst part is it also brought up all the old scars from earlier in our relationship and it does feel like ALL of our big fights and disagreements have been directly related to my drinking. The biggest hurt she has is from infidelity on a trip from several years ago. Her seeing me like this several weeks ago has brought up all that hurt.
Fortuntly we are still on speaking terms even though she chose to move out and she is still thinking in her mind if she wants to hold on to the relationship. She says that I was another person when I was that drunk and someone that she is right now scared to have children with or have a future with.

Show your GF you love her and that you won't let it happen again. Care for her and be appreciative and Thankful everyday that you have someone that loves you. How did the doctor visit go? GP?

Binging is my problem as well.

I know how you feel - sober HighDraw doesn't recognize drunk HighDraw. I am a totally different person.

The binges are unpredictable too...these days, I'd rather not take the chance.

What's your plan moving forward Chris

Hey ChrisExcite, welcome to SR and to a better way of life. Your story sounds a lot like mine. Once I started drinking, I might just have one or two more or I might close the bar down and the afterparty and who knows what I'll remember/regret the next day.

Hope you'll join us in the Class of February 2016 thread here. I've found it's been good for me to communicate with others who are new to sobriety.

I am also a 'Jekyll and Hyde' drinker. when I drink enough to reach blackout stage, I am unpredictable and rage seems to be the only emotion I express. I have gotten myself in dangerous situations, arrested multiple times, and have suffered gruesome injuries while blackout drunk. I also seem to start fights for no reason. I'm am lucky I haven't had my a** kicked.

Alcohol and us are just not compatible. We just have to accept that

I used to be a bartender almost 20 years ago. Some might call this wrong but I personally made the decision to pour light beer 2% for patrons exhibiting drunkard behaviour. The thing is i had to charge them for regular beer 5%(almost double the price at the time) so they wouldnt suspect anything.
In over a year of doing this, not once was I ever called out on it. I like to think I saved them from further damage at that point.

My plan now is to not drink the rest of February, and then access after that how I feel...beyond that I have not decided what to do. I want to be able to find responsibility and moderation when I drink and want to think that I am mature enough to hold myself more accountable. From reading others posts on here it sounds like this may be a bigger task for me to overcome. Finding a way to fix my relationship is very important, I did not recognize the person I was in my last binge and to have her see me that way is awful. In the first week with the gf moved out have gone okay. We have talked/texted a few times and she is happy I am giving her space. She likes to drink socially and it's a big part of our relationship even just having wine with dinner and I do have concerns(silly or not) that if I give up alcohol forever that is probably the kiss of death for whatever chance the relationship has left(that I didn't mess up with her already) of surviving. The biggest reason being that she would continue to go out socially drink with friends and I'm not sure if we have the bandwidth to make it through that if I am not drinking at all. We both had infidelity issues in the past because of drinking too much around the opposite sex so that would probably be an issue to. I am a generally healthy, athletic guy with healthy habits other than drinking. She moved out for 6 months so I need to work on bettering myself with fitness, self care, more reading and non-drinking social activities until we can figure it all out.

No such thing as moderation is possible with alcoholism.
At least that's what pretty much all of us have found.
You may manage it for a few weeks / months but unfortunately
it's like Russian Roulette and one day it just doesn't work.
Then it doesn't work again, and pretty soon you're back
where you started or worse.

Sounds like you've got quite a bit at stake here--search "moderation"
on this site and read a few hundred threads about it before making up your mind.
Wishing you and your GF the best--sounds like she's a keeper--do what you
need to do for yourself and your future Chris.

I know what you mean,I was a meeeeaaan drunk,I wet from having this sweet innocent personality to very mean one and I only got mean when I drank(if someone got under my skin) I hate looking back on them days,it's embarrassing,you need to prove to your girlfriend you can stay clean, I hate reading stories like this,it makes me cringe because alcohol will make you do some crazy #?&@ if you let it,good luck!

:headbangeSo I made it not drinking all of February and have organized, cleaned up and fixed other areas of my life, but the girlfriend let me we are breaking up. I feel very good physically, mentally and a clear head(though it is also numb from pain).

She let me know though she is very impressed with the new me and that I am acting the best version of myself now she cannot forgive me for the cheating, lying and way I acted around her when drinking. I did not make her feel safe and cared for and I think she is gone FOREVER! We are doing 8 weeks of no contact and I am going to keep focusing on me, sign up for some activities work on my house, spend more time with friends but I am so sad that I did this to my life and flattened the future I had been building. She has said the 8 weeks is to lose feelings for me and that she is hopeful we can be friends, but said she is not going to wait around for me(she is a great woman so will probably get swept up quick) and that I should not wait around for her(though I don't have many intenetions of dating anyone for awhile or jumping into anything fast as this has been a habit of mine being a serial relationship guy). This is my third serious relationship that has FAILED and I think the drinking has been a major part of getting so close to marraige and then having the woman run away after a night of binging. WTF am I doing and why have I spent the last 15yrs drinking and acting stupid!

Most of the times in this relationship and when I ****** up and I can trace almost all of our problems to when she or I would drink. We met while both very drunk, both cheated on each other, dating was lots of drinking but somehow I want to fix this and find a way to get her back into my future. In my heart I know we both love each other so much but I don't know how my life looks without her in it, without drinking in it, why I had to learn another painful lesson this way. I have hurt her so bad and I am not the man she wants in her future. I've made so much progress in a month so I am hopeful for the future and want to keep the momentum but am so disappointed that I let/caused this fantastic relationship and woman to run out of my life.