5 months sober tomorrow
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 46
5 months sober tomorrow
I've been an on-and-off member of this site and AA for the last four and a half years. Tomorrow I will have 5 months continuous sobriety from all alcohol and drugs for the first time in my life. 
What has changed? Everything. I went to a 28 day in-patient treatment program back in September. My life had gotten really, really bad because of drinking in 2015. It got to the point where I had to go to the hospital every time I stopped drinking because of panic attacks and hardcore alcohol withdrawl
. I've been living in a halfway house since October. I just started a new job at a local electric company learning the trade from the ground up. Many people who have lived at the halfway house work at the same company. It's a decent honest hard day's work. I have two months left at the halfway house before I move out. I have a sponsor and a home group although I am taking my time getting to the dreaded step 4. 
I am physically healthier than ever and my strongest addiction now is Coca-Cola. I was only 160 lbs at 6'1" because I wasn't eating anything but one fast food sandwich a day when I drinking, now I'm about 200. I have more confidence now. I have lost the desire to drink at this point.
My problem now is that like most addicts I always want more, more, more. It's embarrassing to admit but I get jealous when I see other guys at the house with less time than me hook up and get girlfriends in the rooms (often female 13 steppers who have alleged years of sobriety/clean time) when they make it clear that they aren't working a good program and question the legitimacy of the steps. I know the suggestion is to stay away from relationships in the first year of sobriety but I spend too much time on dating sites. While I am getting more attention from women online and in real life because I look and feel much better nowadays, I know I need to put my sobriety first but it's hard when I'm a man with needs. I'm 32 going on 33 and I wasted most of my teens and my 20's chasing a bottle and never really lived life.
I have a minor amount anxiety about work because I couldn't hold down a steady job for years in active alcoholism because I would always inevitably walk out and return to my full-time job of drinking which was hell. 
My whole life I have always felt inadequate and hung around a lot of nasty angry people all of the years I was drinking and using. They made me feel like I was born to be a loser and it's hard to dispel those lies in a few short months. I tend to isolate too much as well. Admittedly, I don't call my sponsor as much as I should.
What has changed? Everything. I went to a 28 day in-patient treatment program back in September. My life had gotten really, really bad because of drinking in 2015. It got to the point where I had to go to the hospital every time I stopped drinking because of panic attacks and hardcore alcohol withdrawl
. I've been living in a halfway house since October. I just started a new job at a local electric company learning the trade from the ground up. Many people who have lived at the halfway house work at the same company. It's a decent honest hard day's work. I have two months left at the halfway house before I move out. I have a sponsor and a home group although I am taking my time getting to the dreaded step 4. I am physically healthier than ever and my strongest addiction now is Coca-Cola. I was only 160 lbs at 6'1" because I wasn't eating anything but one fast food sandwich a day when I drinking, now I'm about 200. I have more confidence now. I have lost the desire to drink at this point. My problem now is that like most addicts I always want more, more, more. It's embarrassing to admit but I get jealous when I see other guys at the house with less time than me hook up and get girlfriends in the rooms (often female 13 steppers who have alleged years of sobriety/clean time) when they make it clear that they aren't working a good program and question the legitimacy of the steps. I know the suggestion is to stay away from relationships in the first year of sobriety but I spend too much time on dating sites. While I am getting more attention from women online and in real life because I look and feel much better nowadays, I know I need to put my sobriety first but it's hard when I'm a man with needs. I'm 32 going on 33 and I wasted most of my teens and my 20's chasing a bottle and never really lived life.
I have a minor amount anxiety about work because I couldn't hold down a steady job for years in active alcoholism because I would always inevitably walk out and return to my full-time job of drinking which was hell. My whole life I have always felt inadequate and hung around a lot of nasty angry people all of the years I was drinking and using. They made me feel like I was born to be a loser and it's hard to dispel those lies in a few short months. I tend to isolate too much as well. Admittedly, I don't call my sponsor as much as I should.
Maybe make a gratitude list each day, counting your blessings. Focus on the positives instead of the negatives.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
The whole relationship thing and being in recovery is challenging I have found. So many people end of relapsing because of a relationship that went bad. Make sure you are solid in your recovery and with your support network even though you may become involved in a relationship so that way if things get rocky you have support 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Way to go on 5 months! That's terrific.
Call your sponsor, reach out and stop isolating. My only suggestions.
As to the relationship thing. It is hard when you want to be in one and you're not. When you see other people meeting up. But, getting involved with someone now isn't the healthiest thing for you. Trust me. I met my husband when we were both in treatment 11 years ago. We've been together eleven years now but I've been sober only two years and he's still working on it - in and out of the program. Especially if you're thinking it's 13 stepping. That's bad news.
Keep with what's been working for you. Work it a little harder. Maybe branch out to different meetings.
Call your sponsor, reach out and stop isolating. My only suggestions.
As to the relationship thing. It is hard when you want to be in one and you're not. When you see other people meeting up. But, getting involved with someone now isn't the healthiest thing for you. Trust me. I met my husband when we were both in treatment 11 years ago. We've been together eleven years now but I've been sober only two years and he's still working on it - in and out of the program. Especially if you're thinking it's 13 stepping. That's bad news.
Keep with what's been working for you. Work it a little harder. Maybe branch out to different meetings.
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