Time for a change
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Denver
Posts: 1
Time for a change
Hi, I'm Shaun. I've been lurking for quite some time, but decided it was finally time to commit and take responsibility for my actions.
I don't drink very often (typically once or twice a month), but when I do, things get out of control. Two nights ago I blacked out. I'm completely missing about 3 hours of the night, and have no idea how I got home, or what I may have done. This wasn't a fragmented blackout - literally everything is gone.
I woke up in my bed, with all of my belongings, and not harmed in any way, so I consider myself fortunate. I woke up alone, thank goodness, as I have the greatest girlfriend in the world and would never do anything to hurt her. All in all, things could have ended a lot worse, and I'm feeling pretty lucky that everything seems to be ok. But the entire incident is driving me crazy. What if I kissed another girl, or did something inappropriate? What if I was a complete idiot and thoroughly embarrassed myself (highly probable)? What bars did I even go to?
I missed work the next day, and put my job in jeopardy. Although I don't think I did anything with another woman, it's a possibility. I may have put my great relationship in jeopardy as well. I'm really paranoid about what I may or may not have done. I've never had a blackout this severe, and it is really scary.
So I've decided this is it. I have a lot of really good things going for me in my life, and I never want to put them at risk again. I've talked to my parents about the incident, and I'm posting on here to try and hold myself accountable, and really commit to stopping permanently this time. Thanks in advance for all of the help and support, this seems like a really great community.
Oh, and if anyone has any advice on how to cope with post-blackout guilt and anxiety, I'm all ears - it's driving me crazy!
Sober since 02/05/2016.
Thanks,
Shaun
I don't drink very often (typically once or twice a month), but when I do, things get out of control. Two nights ago I blacked out. I'm completely missing about 3 hours of the night, and have no idea how I got home, or what I may have done. This wasn't a fragmented blackout - literally everything is gone.
I woke up in my bed, with all of my belongings, and not harmed in any way, so I consider myself fortunate. I woke up alone, thank goodness, as I have the greatest girlfriend in the world and would never do anything to hurt her. All in all, things could have ended a lot worse, and I'm feeling pretty lucky that everything seems to be ok. But the entire incident is driving me crazy. What if I kissed another girl, or did something inappropriate? What if I was a complete idiot and thoroughly embarrassed myself (highly probable)? What bars did I even go to?
I missed work the next day, and put my job in jeopardy. Although I don't think I did anything with another woman, it's a possibility. I may have put my great relationship in jeopardy as well. I'm really paranoid about what I may or may not have done. I've never had a blackout this severe, and it is really scary.
So I've decided this is it. I have a lot of really good things going for me in my life, and I never want to put them at risk again. I've talked to my parents about the incident, and I'm posting on here to try and hold myself accountable, and really commit to stopping permanently this time. Thanks in advance for all of the help and support, this seems like a really great community.
Oh, and if anyone has any advice on how to cope with post-blackout guilt and anxiety, I'm all ears - it's driving me crazy!
Sober since 02/05/2016.
Thanks,
Shaun
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Great post and welcome Shaun,
I also had blackouts at the end of my drinking days and like you, I went through many days and weeks of paranoid thoughts. Even now, I cringe when I think of those. I'm really glad you are safe and that you have decided to stop drinking.
I also had blackouts at the end of my drinking days and like you, I went through many days and weeks of paranoid thoughts. Even now, I cringe when I think of those. I'm really glad you are safe and that you have decided to stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome. You'll find a lot of support here.
I was a blackout drinker and that's a bad sign no matter how often you drink.
I've come out of blackouts in some strange places, and also put my job on the line.
I cringe when I think of coming out of a blackout still drunk. Woman in bed next to me who I didn't know. Being led out of a nice restaurant with someone on both my elbows, having no idea how I got there or what I had done.
I could go on because this went on for years.
You're smart to realize you may have a problem now. For me, as I progressed things only got worse.
It's not just how often you drink or how much, but how the alcohol affects you when you do drink.
Stick around here and remember you'll never have another blackout if you don't take that first drink.
I was a blackout drinker and that's a bad sign no matter how often you drink.
I've come out of blackouts in some strange places, and also put my job on the line.
I cringe when I think of coming out of a blackout still drunk. Woman in bed next to me who I didn't know. Being led out of a nice restaurant with someone on both my elbows, having no idea how I got there or what I had done.
I could go on because this went on for years.
You're smart to realize you may have a problem now. For me, as I progressed things only got worse.
It's not just how often you drink or how much, but how the alcohol affects you when you do drink.
Stick around here and remember you'll never have another blackout if you don't take that first drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome Shaun 
I have blackouts where the memory will never come back. It's hard to deal with - especially if you have that nagging feeling bad things happened but you just have to move on, and make sure it never happens again.
There's only one way I know to do that - never drink again.
Unfortunately I did not stop, and I got used to blackouts - don't do that
I have blackouts where the memory will never come back. It's hard to deal with - especially if you have that nagging feeling bad things happened but you just have to move on, and make sure it never happens again.
There's only one way I know to do that - never drink again.
Unfortunately I did not stop, and I got used to blackouts - don't do that
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I am quite familiar with how you are feeling now. I didn't always drink myself into a blackout when I was boozing, but many times I did over do it. I am a lunatic when I blackout and have had multiple trips to the ER or a jail cell. Not to mention the embarrassment when I find out what I said or did in a bar or a social gathering. my memory from the night before is always vague after a blackout but I know I probably did something regrettable. The not knowing certainly drives me crazy as I will assume the worst.
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