My story
 

Thank you again for this place.

I am the single father of an 18 year old boy. We lost his mother to her crack addiction when he was 1.5 and haven't seen her since, I never took another relationship so it was just us until at 15 he ran away for 11 months. He learned to cook, sell and use crystal meth, when he was brought back by police he was a stranger. For the last 2 years it has been a struggle to get him into rehab and out of jail. He has over 40 youth charges and 1 adult that will most likely land him in the big boy prison now... suffice it to say I am stressed.

3 years ago I left my job and used my savings to get by. I took this time to track him and try to get help but this has been a hell. I have always drank since I was 16. I quit at 20 for 2.5 years and started again. My general intake was 6 a night but by the time my son was 13 and starting to rebel using drugs I was increasing to sometimes 10. By the time he ran away I was drinking a case a day, as time moved on and he was sent back and forth I was getting into straight liquor.

In the last 2 years I put back approximately 18 drinks a day as I was up for 18 hours trying to make each beer last 1 hour. I ditched the booze and stuck to beer... still 18 beer is a lot, so I started cutting back. I got back to 12, then just this Wednesday dropped to 6. Thursday I had 4 and today I went to the bar with some friends. I had 2 draught over the period of 4 hours without finishing them and left a full one sent to me by the owner. My 1 friend was relentless about me not finishing or having the 3rd one but I just simply left. I came home had 1 that I am still finishing 2 hours later at 2am.

I did this before when my son was gone and did well for a while, but he was back for less than a week and remember the day I woke up and grabbed a beer for breakfast. I went to look at a motorcycle half cut and knocked over the guys Harley Sportster, I felt bad so I bought it. Well, I dropped it 6 times now, once cornering and hitting gravel sending me tumbling down a busy intersection, (got up quick and got out), the other crushed my hand and after 2 surgeries I told them just to take the fingers off. Got a DUI which cost me $5000 to buy my way out of 8 months later but I was hoofing it for that time. I live about an hour and a half walk from the hospital. Since I got that bike I have had 2 fingers cut off, my 2 right fingers sliced open by knife, my right palm cut open for surgery, a broken left knuckle and a 12 stitch gash in my forehead to the bone, mostly because I was drunk.

Yeah, I got a lot going on. I need to get a job to get myself up and running mentally. I can function fine drunk but I need to feel better because this is no rescue from depression. I need to move on but losing my son this way has facked me up so bad. I hate not eating, not sleeping, and this crappy feeling in the center of me that I can only describe as a homesick/despair/anxiety type feeling. I am just trying to find a way to level out without looking in the fridge for the answer. I wish my friends were more supportive but we have all grown up together and going out is what we've always done.

So I came here for support as I did for my sons addiction on another site. I have seen some helpful things here already and I hope to find more... yes the Harley is OK.

I'm sorry for all thats happened grambo but l'm really glad you've found us :)

D

Thank you for sharing that & sorry you had to go through that

welcome Grambo.

That's a rough lot.... and I'm sure it weighs heavy.

Good news is there's a way to lighten the load.

DROP THE ROCK.

All that stuff... all of it, will get better than it is today if you get choose sobriety and get acting on recovery.

You done good, coming here. We're glad you did. I'm proud of you. It's a tough step to take.

But you did it, so there's hope. More than hope - there's a solution.

Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous

(linked with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.)

Glad to meet you, Grambo. I usually post in Friends and Family; my son is currently in recovery from an addiction to meth and heroin. I understand how difficult your son's situation is for you. Regardless of whether your son stops using, freeing yourself from alcohol and getting healthy is the right thing for YOU. There is lots of wisdom here. Best of luck to you; glad you are here.

Hey Grambo, welcome to SR. You've found a great place. You sound like a stand up bloke who has been through a lot.

You're absolutely right to focus on yourself right now. It's important you do it for you; but you'll also be better equipped to keep helping your son. Have you started work on your plan?

Best of luck. You'll find a lot of help and support here.

Hi Grambo, Welcome! You do have a lot going on right now, but I'm glad you know that drinking is not the answer to your problems. You might find that the depression and anxiety ease up considerably when you stop drinking. Good luck in the job search.

Great to have you with us Grambo!! :grouphug:

Welcome Grambo, the solution is quite simple, yet very hard to execute. And that is to stop drinking. There are many people on this forum that have had a long time sober, and they all started the same way. Day 1 without drinking. Beyond that is a bit different for everyone. Very sorry to hear about the issues you are dealing with. My only advice would be to get yourself straightened our first, then tackle the issues with your son. It sounds like you've been through a lot already. Wish you the very best.

Thank you for the responses.

It has been a true test on me to persevere. Watching my son turn into another personality is difficult, we will never do those father son things like buy him his first car, celebrate his graduation or 18th birthday or watch him get his black belt...

You know what sucks? He had phoned me and told me he was going out if I liked it or not, so I told him if he wasn't home when I got there he'd better never come back. That was the last thing I said and the last time I saw him. It was midwinter in Canada and he ended up living in an old car in someone's alley with a space heater for warmth.

You guys are telling me the same thing as the group from the meth site and the group I created through facebook... I gotta look after me. I'm finally tryin

It's heartbreaking, Grambo - but the final chapter hasn't been written yet. I'm glad you realize you need a clear head to deal with all this, and to reclaim your life. I'm sorry for all you've gone through. Please stay with us and begin to heal. We want to help.

Welcome to the family. :hug: I'm sorry for what you are going thru, but agree that it will be better to go thru it sober. Drinking is just adding to the problems. :(

I hope the support here can help you get sober for good. :)

Well, big surprises come in BIG packages. An old friend who has been battling overeating came by with a hamburger and fries for me. He had surgery on his stomach and lost 150 lbs. he is still at 250. He's a non drinker so we sat and traded stories, went to Tim Horton's for a coffee and called it a night. It was 11:30 and I just opened my first beer, it's 2:00 and I'm nearing the end of #2, this is pretty epic for me.
That burger brought back my appetite for the first time in a week, and he kept me somewhat distracted by conversation. I mean I did notice the time but I wanted to see how long I could go, and we got to laugh about some old things and new, so time went fast. I also got a text from my son asking if he and his girlfriend could shower at my place so I said sure. This all helped my mood as last night I couldn't sleep well. I kept catching myself clenching my teeth, holding my breath and tensing up without realizing I was doing it. This morning I kept waking up covered in sweat as well but the cramps in my hands were gone from the vitamin C and Magnesium tablets thank god. Tonight I hope a full stomach can give me full rest. I might not be ready to fly quite yet but I made some big leaps to get here.