Pressmetilihurt

Sober 9 days but counting isn't so important to me. I'm in an outpatient rehab and we have to give our drink/drug histories. I'm so afraid mine isn't enough. These guys have serious consumption and consequences - seizures, liver problems, prison, DUI's up the wazoo.

What do I got?
hiding my drinking from my partner-burying bottles under the recycling
Filling kombucha bottles with wine so no one would know I was drinking
Driving while intoxicated - no dui!
Not wanting to go out anywhere without drinking - I even drank at the movie theater.
Taking my son to eat at places that served beer so I could drink.
Pre- drinking before I went out so I could show up buzzed and pretend to drink like everyone else
Taking my anti depressants with alcohol
Puking. At my house, friends house, diner.
That's it. Not a big deal to them.
In the way back past I had consequences like being arrested for assaulting an officer while drunk and slicing my arm near in half from punching a window while drunk but stuff like that was a LONG time ago.
I want to be sober. I want to do this program but I feel like a tea tottler. After my friend died from drinking til he had a heart attack I had a moment of clarity that I was not alright. That I wasn't managing my drinking, medications...my overall mental health. How do I fit in here????

ScottFromWI

Don't worry about comparisons. Sounds to me like alcohol has caused a lot of problems for you, that's all that should matter.

venuscat

Hi Press.

I dunno....I drank and smoked grass for over 30 years. I have a lot of consequences, but I was never arrested and my health is fine. That doesn't mean I don't deserve or need recovery....I do.

Reaching out, and going to rehab says that you are serious abut your recovery.
That's the most important prerequisite in my book.

We may not have all trodden the exact same path, but we all understand each other and have a common goal.

Dee74

It's definitely not a competition. Drinking bought you to your knees, just like it did me and everyone else here and at your IOP - don;t let your AV talk you out of this

D

Bird615

You are no different from them in that you just haven't gone as far as they have yet and they were all once at the point where you are now.

Don't worry about comparing yourself to others; your reasons for stopping are more than enough.

lovetolisten

My history is very similar to yours, and I agree with Madbird. Just because the drinking hasn't caused horrible tragedies doesn't mean it should not leave your life...and without the work you are doing now, it very likely could turn in to the really rock bottom stuff. If it's negatively impacting your life, it's bad enough. Everytime my AV tries to talk me out of taking this seriously, I tell myself that there WILL be dui's, lost jobs, etc if I don't quit. I have done the drinking and antidepressants for far too long. I just don't want to wake up feeling like crap and dealing with all the self loathing anymore

chrcarlson

I have 4 of the things on your list. If you drive intoxicated it's only a matter of time before DUI. Trust me on that one.

It's only important if your list is enough for you. We all have different lists. No need to let it get worse. Alcohol is progressive.

Live2FAD

Addiction -- of which alcoholism is one form -- is extremely cunning. It is the only disease I know of that will try to convince it's user that they are just fine while every evidence is to the contrary. Alcohol causes destruction as a poison and, at the same time, suppresses the normal instincts of the user to maintain the proper diet, rest, etc.

I felt the same way when I first began my recovery. I wasn't as bad as those folks (and as a result, I found a way to be as bad -- you don't have to do so -- many of us have already done the research -- STAY in recovery LOL!

A wise friend once shared with me: "Not once have I gone into a doctor's office with a sinus infection... then saw a patient with pneumonia sitting in the same waiting room... and said to myself 'I'm not as sick as they are, therefore I am leaving untreated.' "

Yet this disease will do that very thing. Just another part of insanity. I know that EVERYONE here would love for you to not ride the elevator any further down. Please, by all means, continue in your recovery.

Soberwolf

You fit in but not that it's even about that, like ppl have already said your there to address & get help for your alcoholism when I was doing group therapy there was lots of diffrent addictions but no one thinks he or she shouldn't be here

Hang in there bud

Deckard

The only question is whether it is enough for you.

ItsJustMe89

I went through IOP last year and I wasn't as bad as a lot of those people. There was a man who had cirrhosis of the liver and would die if he did not get a liver transplant. I think he might have had the best chance at staying sober out of all of us because for him to drink, would literally mean to die. It is good to see what happens when you don't stop. Because you see where you are headed and what will happen if you don't.

One night in IOP I shared about how I went to lunch with my co workers the day before and we had a margarita at the Mexican restaurant and then went back to work. And this guy who was younger then me said that he doesn't think I am an alcoholic because if he had done that, he would not have gone back to work. He would have just kept drinking.

Just because I hadn't gotten to his level of alcoholism yet didn't mean I wasn't alcoholic. I ended up being fired from that job eventually for excessive tardiness in the mornings. Maybe if I wasn't drinking every night after work until I fell asleep, maybe I would have been able to get to work on time.

least

Don't compare yourself with others. You are there to get sober for yourself. Their stories might be worse, but you are all there for the same reason - to get sober.

stevepearce

You are here posting on this site. That should answer your question. All of our histories are different, but we have the common situation that alcohol and/or drugs are making out lives worse than they should be. We can change that if we choose to. This is a great place for advice and support. Welcome to SR pressmetilihurt. You can do this. You are worth it !

Vinificent

What everyone else has already said t×1000!! Your reasons for recovery are YOURS and if you are ready for it then there is no one who can judge whether your experience is "enough". The very best thing about your situation is that you are CHOOSING your recovery...the others may have more dramatic stories to tell, but most likely they are not in recovery by choice...but you are and that gives you a huge advantage in your journey.
My situation is almost exactly as yours and I admit I do feel a bit inadequate when sharing at meetings, as my story, like yours, is not the material of a bestselling book or award winning film. But I tell my story anyway and always express appreciation to the others who share their stories because it keeps me from getting to that point...where I know I would have ended up if I didn't acknowledge it was a problem, and sought help.
Congratulations for having the courage to choose this journey for yourself 👍

Hawkeye13

Sounds like your AV is trying to minimize your problem yet again Pressme.

Taking your son out to places where you can drink is pretty serious in my book.
A sober parent is a precious thing many of us didn't grow up with.

It's great you are getting treatment, but you are still resisting the truth of your
drinking problem it seems. . .

tomsteve

now that the actions have been compared look at the thinking.
find out whats going on in the heads of those others.

all the stuff you hear just hasnt happened to you yet.
you dont want all that other stuff happening.

Zebra1275

It's not a competition.

Based on your statements, I think you are in the right place.

Blacky

As has been said don't worry about what others might think about you.
You know that you need to stay sober for you.

Believe me, you don't want to go out and do any more research (drink) on this because you will catch up to those that you mention eventually.

Also this: I am not that bad .. attitude has been the failure for me in the past to remain sober, and it just gets worse. Just think, you need not go there if you stay sober now.

Nonsensical

Those other guys' stories aren't squat compared to the stories the guys in the cemetery could tell.


Take the keyboard away from your addiction and get back to work.

You can do this!

Wastinglife

I can check off all the things you listed. All grave warning signs of worse things to come. Alcoholism is progressive. Keep drinking like you do and you may well be able to 'compete' with the end stage alcoholics. I waited too long to seek help but avoided any real damage to my health.

Everyone has their own journey so it's really no use to compare your struggles with someone else's