I Can't Let Go !
 

Well I've nearly done 6 weeks sober. Some days I feel ok, and have had the odd great day. But for the last few I have felt very low, mentally confused and have no energy.
I have said I've realised I can no longer drink, but I am holding onto something. I don't know what ? I can't seem to surrender as some people say I need to. I'm sharing and reading on here which helps greatly. I get moments of inspiration but that's all they are.
I'm probably white knuckling it, but that's all I seem to have the energy to do at this point. Life seems distant.
Will I get past this ?
Will things improve ?
Do I need to do something to help shift my mental state ?
Or is this just a part of the recovery process I am going through ?
:thanks
Steve.

there might be something in your statement; "I can no longer drink".

When I used to say things like that to myself.... the thing it turned out I was totally missing was the feeling of frustration and unfairness and resistance it created.

I began to turn the corner of sobriety into a whole different place of depth and reward when I began to turn "I can no longer drink" into "I no longer WANT to drink".

When I consciously changed my messages from "I HAVE to stop drinking" to "I CHOOSE to be sober" - the whole thing shifted for me.

It didn't happen right away. It took some raw emotions and some forced re-framing. I had to journal it, write it down, say it to myself in the mirror. I had to make lists of all the GOOD things sobriety represented for me. I had to search out role models - both 'real life' role models and symbolic ones... musicians, celebrities, writers.

When I caught myself thinking things like "I'm not as good as them" or "There's something wrong with me" at functions where others were drinking - I had to catch myself and say to myself "I am a role model for another way of living. I am proud to be choosing a different path. I am a healthy man making a healthy choice. I am an example to others, and a loving supporter of my SELF".

It wasn't easy and it sometimes felt like a lie.... but I kept at it.

It was a struggle with emotions and a rollercoaster of thought and feeling for close to a year. But I kept at it.

And I went to AA and I read the Big Book and I began to work the steps (over two years later, I'm still gradually working through).....

But after that first year, things got a LOT better.

Congratulations on 6 weeks not drinking.... and welcome to the first steps of Sobriety!!

It gets better.

And better.

And better......

:grouphug:

Thank you ! Just what I needed to hear.

It get's better.

Have you tried some face to face support in your area? I found that that connection really helped. Meeting people who look pretty normal, who have been sober for years, telling me how they used to drink (and it was often worse than me) gave me some hope.

Me too! I'm right behind you at 31 days.

Free Owl. Your post was awesome.

Let's be proud of our choice to live sober.

Congratulations on 6 weeks!

It took me about 12 weeks before I had a day when I didn't hear that old call. When I didn't feel like I was missing out on something.

I spent decades addicting myself to alcohol. 12 weeks is a drop in the bucket when there is freedom waiting at the other end.

Keep it up! :ring

I agree with freeowl. You know what happens when you drink and you know drinking isn't going to make your life better. So it's not about not drinking, it's being free of drinking.

I totally agree with Zebra. Face to face therapy gave me my own weekly forum to talk through the good/bad/ugly of what I was going through. And over time it provided me a measure of my progress. . .and just so you know, I went into it thinking it was complete crap. How wrong I was!

Exactly. All of the above.
It was a shift in thinking for me, and I needed help to be able to do that.
It got better and better and now I'm living in freedom.

Good morning! Sorry you're feeling a little blah. Are you taking good care of the other things that affect overall energy and mood? Getting decent rest, hydrating, eating well, and exercise? If not, force yourself to work on those and see if they don't produce an improvement.

Secondly, have you started to find ways to engage your mind and fill your time? I ask because the feelings you describe are exactly what I experience when I let isolation and boredom creep in.

Hope this is helpful! :-)

Thanks guys !
The face to face thing is tricky where I live, but I think it's getting near to the point when I have to do it.
And yes SiS although I'm looking after myself physically, I guess I'm getting bored and defiantly feeling isolated. I need to press my wife to move out of this tiny French village to a bigger town as we are planning to do. And liven up myself a little.

6 weeks is a long time for an alcoholic not to drink - well done!

I found relying on external things to make me "happy" was a big part of my issues to begin with. I have learned that sobriety is an inside job - I had to change my perceptions and how I engage with the world around me.

As I gained a little time and worked with others in a program - concepts like honesty, love, tolerance, compassion and empathy replaced feelings of fear, anxiety, mistrust and isolation.

Over time I find the peaks and valleys start to even out more. At 20 months of sobriety I am not saying that I do back flips everyday. That simply is not true. But, I engage the world and look it directly in the eyes today. I don't manipulate people or self rationalize poor behavior. When I am wrong, I apologize - promptly. I do volunteer work - helping others is a great way to get out of our narcissistic selfish ways that typically encapsulate alcoholics. I am more comfortable in my own skin and can go anywhere at anytime.

Freedom to be or not to be - "I'm the architect of my own success or happiness. The quality of my sobriety is up to me - it will be what I want it to be".

Keep staying sober and you'll have an opportunity to change from the inside out.

You are where I was about 40 days ago. Something that helps me when I am feeling down or have anxiety or a craving is to pause and reflect on how I feel at that moment compared to how I used to feel almost every morning after the usual big night. In my case absolutely nothing I feel now in terms of a low or downer beats the worst hangover lows I had when drinking. It instantly gives me frame of reference or benchmark with which to compare with. I think it is important not to forget how bad it was when I drank.

I agree with FreeOwl, that if you can get to a mind set where you choose not to drink because you don't actually want to, it helps enormously. What I have done to achieve this is to do enjoyable things I never did in the past because hangovers were so severe. For example getting up and going for a nice walk in the early morning at sunrise is a simple example. But while I am walking, I make sure I think and reflect on the fact that I was only able to do this because I didn't drink the night before. Doing small things like this every day and making the connection that I am only doing an enjoyable activity because I chose not to drink made it easier for me to turn my mindset around. When any craving triggers come now, it is easier to swat them away because I say I choose to be sober and fresh for my activity tomorrow or whatever it may be.

For me it wasn't easy, particularly at the start, but it wasn't as difficult as I imagined. I am a little amazed actually at how I am going with choosing not to drink. But to be honest, I am still in the early days and still have a way to go but I am optimistic.

I hope I have been able to help you with just those little tips that seem to be working for me at the moment.

FO post was excellent Steve as was you reaching 6 weeks

Early sobriety is often compared to rollercoaster because of the changes in feelings moods behaviours etc it will balance out as time goes on Steve and fwiw I think your doing great

It helps even when someone comments simply "well done !" So you taking the time to give your first hand experience is genuinely appreciated. And helpful ! It means a lot. I really do feel supported by this site and you guys in my journey :thanks

I agree with everyone. I wasn't able to get a grip on sobriety until I told myself that I was choosing it instead of being forced. It wasn't until I wanted to be sober for myself and my family that it took. I have since noticed that can now find countless reasons to not drink. I have seen people at work hungover, bloodshot eyes, horse voice, red faced, all puffy faced from the sugar and carbs...no thank you. The talk of needing to throw up to feel better or need a drink to recover...no thank you. And just yesterday my brother in laws girlfriend was admitted to the hospital with acute liver failure. She was told she will be fine if she never drinks again...no thank you.

You don't need to go through this white knuckling. You just need to shift your way of thinking and the motivation behind your sobriety...IMO.

You are great Stevepearce...

I know in the beginning I didn't feel like doing anything except laying around eating bags of chocolate candy and sitting in front of the TV.

Then I started to live. It takes some time. But never give up. Day one is always the worst - or day zero. Don't focus on the negatives, start to notice the improvements.

I found my strength and willingness improved when I started to practice gratitude every day. Find at least one thing to be grateful for every day. Make it a habit. It changed my whole perspective. :)

Hi stevepearce

Doing things you would not do if you had been drinking has helped hugely. Learning new things has been a huge help for me. What would you like to do now that your not chained to the dungeon?

You should be proud of 6 weeks Steve! If you were anything like I was, 6 days was a heck of an achievment.

Anyways, the best advice I can give is just to remember, the everyday the sun comes up and goes down again, and brings with it a new day. If you go back through some of your earlier posts, I think you'll see that you're experiencing a wide rang of emotions that you probably haven't felt in quite a while.