Mia83

Hi, I'm new to this site. I basically went to a friends wedding over the weekend and got so drunk I completely humiliated myself. I fell over repeatedly, got aggressive and abusive and cried in front of everyone. I have had issues like this before over the years but as its not every week I somehow convince myself it's ok to drink again. I'm now feeling like I want to quit for good as I am mentally so low. I've tried to apologise for my behaviour but people are still very angry with me and I'm finding it so hard to deal with the shame. I'm genuinely a nice person when sober and have 3 beautiful children which makes me even more ashamed of my behaviour. It's so bad I don't even want to leave the house because I know people are talking about it. I need some help.

Pressmetilihurt

You're an alcoholic. It's like having hay fever kinda except instead of sneazing we do humiliating **** because of our allergy. There was a woman at an old homegroup who shared about break dancing at a wedding with no panties on. All was bared apparently.
Anyway, her humiliating thing became part of her pitch. If it gets you sober then it sucks but is worthwhile. You can't worry about people's feelings at the moment. Do your program. I've got 7 days today. I'm on some kinda cloud cause I'm not interested in drinking. I'm more trying to figure out how I want to live. What I want to do. Good luck.

Inchworm

Welcome, Mia. I'm so glad you found SR. The only good that comes out of our embarrassing behavior is our resolve to change. We've all been there in many different ways. We're here for you.

Mia83

Thanks- the more I think about it the more I realise I have a problem...thanks for the embarrassing story that proved I'm atleast not totally alone in making a total ass of myself. Now I just have to never do it again.

Dee74

Hi Mia - welcome

We all have our embarrassment stories - I really hope you will decide to make this a turning point in your life.

It's never too late to be who you want to be

D

FeelingGreat

Mia as painful as the incident was, you can use it as motivation to stop drinking. Admitting you have a problem is No. 1, and by coming onto the forum, you seem to be aware of it.

The best apology you can make to the other guests and B&G is to stop drinking. It will show them you're serious (but don't tell them if you're not).

You might not be aware of the AV, or Alcoholic Voice, which is the reasoning in your head that convinces you it's ok to start drinking again. Expect to hear it soon.

Keep the memory of the distress you caused, and your embarrassment fresh in your mind - write it down if you start forgetting and read it before you have a drink.

Sobriety isn't about deprivation. For me it's meant I can relax, knowing I don't have to try everything not to drink too much, all the time wanting just another glass.

Mia83

Thank you- I genuinely feel like never drinking again, but guessing it's easy at the moment because the terrible behaviour and effects are still fresh in my mind. Do going to meetings etc help, not sure where to start? I tend to cope with stress by getting drunk and also I find it really challenging to get through the weekends without any alcohol, would going to meetings help with this?

stevepearce

Hi Mia and welcome to SR. It sounds like it's time to be really honest with yourself about what exactly you would be giving up ? For me, spending time reading this site helped me find out more about my situation through the experience of others, and what I needed to do to help myself. Why not find out where the nearest AA meeting is ?

Mia83

I'm only just taking my problem seriously in all honesty and just need some advice. Not only have I upset a lot of people and have to cope with the consequences, I'm also having to face up to having a problem. When I think of a sober life I feel comforted but there's still fear of the Unknown I suppose.

stevepearce

You've taken the right first step by being here. Great move ! Use the site. Connect ! For me reading recovery stories was really helpful, as I could see I wasn't alone and others had been in the same situation and managed to heal their lives. You can do this !

Sasha4

Hi

I think for me it was getting it into my head that if I didn't want the bad behaviour etc etc, the the only way to prevent it happening was not having that first drink.

That first drink is so dangerous to people like us.
Its like all bets are off after that and the night would be a disaster.

I realised nearly 4 years ago, that if I want to stop the shame, the bad feelings, the wanting to hide, the only way was to not have anything to drink.

Soberwolf

Welcome Mia nice to meet you I went to AA in the beginning and it helped massively I also got help from my local services & started group therapy which really helped. Having a plan will improve your chances at sobriety tenfold

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

Mia83

Thanks- that's helpful. I'm feeling much more positive than I was 12 hours ago! I've been thinking all day and all of the worst times in my life I pretty much owe to alcohol. I am 2 days into my sober life already and am going to write down every bad thing I've ever done whilst drunk (will be there a while) and as crappy as it is I will use it all as a positive. Thanks for your comments today- it's not been easy

least

Welcome to the family. We've all had some humiliating moments we regret. Use your experience to get sober for good and these things will never happen again.

mcflurry

Hi Mia, nice to meet you!

You're not alone. I've been there, done that so many times. I have spent days not wanting to leave the house either, crippled by anxiety.

Weddings are the worst for people like us, eh? All that booze flowing and everyone getting drunk. Especially if there's a free bar.....

Memories will fade. Concentrate on getting sober. I like your idea of a list. I wrote a list of the good vs bad points of alcohol....the bad far outweighs the good!!

Delilah1

Welcome Mia!! You will find lots of support on SR, spend some time reading and posting.

Glad you are here.

❤️Delilah

Anna

Mia, I think the shame issue kept me hooked to alcohol, even when I tried to quit. I felt so much shame that, mentally I was slide into drinking again. Use this experience to move you into recovery. Good for you on Day 2.

Ruby2

Hi Mia, welcome to SR.

Many of us drank to cope with stress. I know I used to. You'll have to figure out what works for you to cope with that stress without drinking. For some it's taking a walk, or talking to a friend, or writing it out, cleaning the house, etc. etc. Stress happens in everyone's life. We don't need to drink about it.

As for the weekends, I attend a beginner's AA meeting on Friday nights. It sets a nice tone for the weekend. I also come here to SR for additional support on the Weekend support thread. It also helps to make sober plans for the weekend and backup plans to the plans in case something falls through.

You can do this. It's worth it.

Mia83

I think when you binge drink and don't depend on alcohol on a daily basis it's easy to think you're fine, which has been my problem for so long! I've behaved like this for nearly 20 years on and off- I suppose when you're young it's easier to brush off. Now I'm older this behaviour is making me feel so ashamed I literally cannot stand myself. I really feel like facing up to things once and for all, and actually being kind to myself for once! Sr is definitely going to be a big help and thanks so much for your comments, having support has really lifted my mood today 😊

Mia83

Yes you're right- must address how to handle stressful situations (such as a teenage daughter!) will get an action plan for the weekend. There aren't many meetings in my area and still don't know if I'll have the courage to go but atleast I know when and where they are on which is an improvement on my knowledge this morning. Really, thanks again everyone ��