An end to Self Destructive Behaviours Driving home from work last night after a long busy week and my AV was telling me I deserve to have a drink...why are you depriving yourself. There was no danger that I would drink...alcohol is just not an option. During the night it occurred to me to question...how is drinking poison a reward...why do I DESERVE to drink poison! When I told my psychotherapist last week that I had stopped drinking (having never told her until then about my problem with alcohol!) and that I was at that point 8 days sober (now day 13) she felt that it is one more self destructive behaviour that I have decided to tackle, because through 9 months of therapy I am finally learning to love and accept myself...and she is right. I have tried to 'hurt' myself by engaging in many destructive and/or risky behaviours over the years because of my low self esteem and self worth. And actually...would I try to poison someone I love...no I wouldn't...so I don't intend to poison myself either 💜 p.s just to clarify...I wouldn't poison anyone...love them or not...I am not a secret arsenic killer!!!! 😉 |
Hi nova, isn't driving home just the prime time for AV to pop up! Because yes, we deserve a drink! Or we want to relax after the working day. If you can resist that, you can resist anything. Well done you. |
Awesome job on day 13 |
Loved your post -- I am also extremely self destructive, so completely relate. Any good advice for the loving yourself bit?? Good for you on stopping drinking. I have too, but the rest is so hard. And dealing with all the fallout from my self destruction. But drunk it would be impossible, now its just difficult. Congrats on 13 days, its a great decision. |
I'm with you - I "deserve" a drink, I "deserve" junk food. I'm so self destructive. I can totally recognize it but I don't feel like my toolbox is completely well stocked with tools to break that pattern yet. But I'm trying! It's interesting because the drive home is definitely a trigger time for me. If it's not alcohol, at the very least I should get a pizza or a burger, right? I need to build in nurturing routines for that ride home time. I do deserve to feel ok, but I'm not going to get there via beer and pizza!! |
Self-loathing and self-destruction ruled my world and fueled my alcoholism for a very long time. I'm so glad to be on the other side right now. And you're so right, why in the hell would anyone pour poison down their throat as a reward?! Keep up the good fight. |
Originally Posted by Dropsie
(Post 5769435)
Loved your post -- I am also extremely self destructive, so completely relate. Any good advice for the loving yourself bit?? Good for you on stopping drinking. I have too, but the rest is so hard. And dealing with all the fallout from my self destruction. But drunk it would be impossible, now its just difficult. Congrats on 13 days, its a great decision. In an attept to answer your question...at 30 I finally felt 'safe' enough to uncover*painful experiences from my past, that from a young age had left me feeling unloveable and worthless, and which had set me up to mistreat myself for most of my life i.e engage in self destructive behaviours. I could only tackle these difficult experiences and the emotions they had produced (which I had internalised) in a supportive environment like therapy. Apologies if this is all a bit heavy and deep! But there is a reason someone engages in self destructive behaviour...so the only advice I can give is to consider therapy if you haven't already. Once I made peace with my past I was able to make peace with myself...and in turn learn to love myself x p.s it's still a work in progress!* |
Originally Posted by StrongBird
(Post 5769450)
I'm with you - I "deserve" a drink, I "deserve" junk food. I'm so self destructive. I can totally recognize it but I don't feel like my toolbox is completely well stocked with tools to break that pattern yet. But I'm trying! It's interesting because the drive home is definitely a trigger time for me. If it's not alcohol, at the very least I should get a pizza or a burger, right? I need to build in nurturing routines for that ride home time. I do deserve to feel ok, but I'm not going to get there via beer and pizza!! |
I gave in to my AV last night. I had those "deserve a drink" thoughts. They were so strong and I couldn't face going home without a drink, but equally know where it would lead me-self loathing, anxiety and depression. Why am I doing this to myself? |
Originally Posted by starsailor
(Post 5769564)
I gave in to my AV last night. I had those "deserve a drink" thoughts. They were so strong and I couldn't face going home without a drink, but equally know where it would lead me-self loathing, anxiety and depression. Why am I doing this to myself? |
Great job on pushing through Nova!! :You_Rock_ . . . plus the not being a secret arsenic killer is awesome too!! :) |
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