some reasons i should get sober again
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Jacksonville FL
Posts: 164
some reasons i should get sober again
I was drinking the other night, as usual, and this guy who always hits me up late at night wanting to hang out was messaging me on facebook. I don't usually reply to him because the times that I have, he was way more interested in coming over to see me then actually hearing about how I was doing or what was going on in my life. He is just looking for a booty call or friend with benefits which I am not into. I mean, I could do the friend with benefits with someone who I knew well and trusted and had mutual respect with. But not someone like him. Normally I just don't even respond but he kept sending me messages so I decided to post this:
"To the guys who seem to only hit me up late at night, wanting to hang out... I don't "hang out". If your into me, ask me on a date. And know that you prolably won't get any.. ever.. because I am not into the "Netfilix and Chill" "No Strings Attatched" type. Or better yet, just ask me how my day was. Or what is going on in my life. But if all you ever ask me is if I wanna chill... the answer is NO!
I got a LOT of "likes" and a few people commented. I woke up the next afternoon and deleted the post. Because it is not like the guy hurt my feelings or anything... he was just being annoying. it was not really a big deal at all. I only posted that so he would see it and maybe get the hint. But people took it the wrong way like I was upset and hurt or something.
My ex even texted me because of it. He is in a relationship now. He just said that he saw my post before I deleted it and he hopes that everything is ok with me. and that he is sorry that some guys are jerks and he hopes that I meet someone who can make me happy.
It does make me happy that my ex still reaches out to me when he thinks I need it, even tho we have not been together in a very long time and he is in a new relationship now. He was the best boyfriend I have had in the way of how he treated me and the caliber of man that he is. I still miss him but I understand why we never worked out.
My point is that I almost never post anything on facebook because I learned a long time ago that the only time I ever seen to post is when I am angry, sad, or lonely. That is usually when I am drinking and likely to post about what I am feeling and I didn't want my facebook profile to be depressing so I just stopped posting all together. If I hadn't been drinking the other night, I probably would not have posted what I did.
Just another reason why it would eliminate problems by being sober. Then I wouldn't have to worry that I would get to drinking and lose my inhibition and post something that I later wish hadn't been public knowledge. Or just make myself look like a desperate, drama filled, lonely girl. Even if that is what I am.
Lots of reasons to get sober again. Another one is the fact that I very often feel nauseous in the mornings. Like I am okay when I wake up, other then the fact that I am still tired and want to keep sleeping, but I wake up and get dressed and go to work. But when I am at work in the morning/early afternoon, I start feeling really nauseous and have a bad dry heavy/ gag reflex going on for some reason. Sometimes I actually do throw up while at work. I have thrown up in the trash can beside my desk, while I was on a call or in between calls, I have thrown up in the bathroom, and outside in the grass at work. I know that is because I drank the night before and I guess it is just my "hang over" but I know that it is not a reason to leave early for the day. I will most often feel better after having thrown up and be able to finish my work day feeling fine. But that is not normal. I should not be feeling nauseous in the mornings like I do. It is because I have a problem that needs to be addressed.
I have made a list of AA meetings and times that I could go to on my days off which are thurs, fri, and sun. I am going to set a goal for this coming week. My goal is to go to go to one meeting on each of my days off this week. Sun., Thurs., and Fri., I commit to going to one meeting each day. It is not much.. I am not committing to quitting this week. But I can commit to starting to slow down and making 3 meetings this week. I will continue to push myself to take small but consistent steps toward getting sober again.
"To the guys who seem to only hit me up late at night, wanting to hang out... I don't "hang out". If your into me, ask me on a date. And know that you prolably won't get any.. ever.. because I am not into the "Netfilix and Chill" "No Strings Attatched" type. Or better yet, just ask me how my day was. Or what is going on in my life. But if all you ever ask me is if I wanna chill... the answer is NO!
I got a LOT of "likes" and a few people commented. I woke up the next afternoon and deleted the post. Because it is not like the guy hurt my feelings or anything... he was just being annoying. it was not really a big deal at all. I only posted that so he would see it and maybe get the hint. But people took it the wrong way like I was upset and hurt or something.
My ex even texted me because of it. He is in a relationship now. He just said that he saw my post before I deleted it and he hopes that everything is ok with me. and that he is sorry that some guys are jerks and he hopes that I meet someone who can make me happy.
It does make me happy that my ex still reaches out to me when he thinks I need it, even tho we have not been together in a very long time and he is in a new relationship now. He was the best boyfriend I have had in the way of how he treated me and the caliber of man that he is. I still miss him but I understand why we never worked out.
My point is that I almost never post anything on facebook because I learned a long time ago that the only time I ever seen to post is when I am angry, sad, or lonely. That is usually when I am drinking and likely to post about what I am feeling and I didn't want my facebook profile to be depressing so I just stopped posting all together. If I hadn't been drinking the other night, I probably would not have posted what I did.
Just another reason why it would eliminate problems by being sober. Then I wouldn't have to worry that I would get to drinking and lose my inhibition and post something that I later wish hadn't been public knowledge. Or just make myself look like a desperate, drama filled, lonely girl. Even if that is what I am.
Lots of reasons to get sober again. Another one is the fact that I very often feel nauseous in the mornings. Like I am okay when I wake up, other then the fact that I am still tired and want to keep sleeping, but I wake up and get dressed and go to work. But when I am at work in the morning/early afternoon, I start feeling really nauseous and have a bad dry heavy/ gag reflex going on for some reason. Sometimes I actually do throw up while at work. I have thrown up in the trash can beside my desk, while I was on a call or in between calls, I have thrown up in the bathroom, and outside in the grass at work. I know that is because I drank the night before and I guess it is just my "hang over" but I know that it is not a reason to leave early for the day. I will most often feel better after having thrown up and be able to finish my work day feeling fine. But that is not normal. I should not be feeling nauseous in the mornings like I do. It is because I have a problem that needs to be addressed.
I have made a list of AA meetings and times that I could go to on my days off which are thurs, fri, and sun. I am going to set a goal for this coming week. My goal is to go to go to one meeting on each of my days off this week. Sun., Thurs., and Fri., I commit to going to one meeting each day. It is not much.. I am not committing to quitting this week. But I can commit to starting to slow down and making 3 meetings this week. I will continue to push myself to take small but consistent steps toward getting sober again.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Deleting that post and going to meetings sound like an excellent idea. You'll meet people who want to hang out for a coffee and chat with NO benefits involved. Take phone numbers that are given to you and save them on your phone (with first names) as soon as possible so you don't lose them. Next time something rattles you, like that guy did, text one of those numbers and tell them what happened and how you're feeling. If you're just offloading, say so ('Just wanted to tell someone what's bothering me right now..'). If you want advice and are actually willing to try their suggestions, it's okay to ask ('Any ideas of what I could do to feel better?'). This is how we get to learn new strategies for dealing with life on life's terms from others. It's also how we get to know each other better and make those good AA friends amongst all of our friendly AA acquaintances.
Alternatively you can post it on here
Opening up is pretty tough for lots of us - for me I didn't want to bother anyone specifically. Putting a general status seemed a lot less like 'bothering' someone to me when I was drunk (and when I was newly sober, but not yet found new strategies for dealing with 'stuff'). When I got further into recovery I found myself using my Private Message function on Facebook more often than the status bar. And I started being more selective in who I messaged as well. Funny, nowadays my cousin or brother are high up on my trust list for personal messages on FB, whereas I wouldn't have even thought about messaging them before. Also some of my old, old friends (the ones who I stopped seeing years ago because they didn't drink like me i.e. they never turned up like magic on the bar stool next to me.) No doubt as time passes you'll be surprised at how many unexpected names end up in your circle of trust.
Alternatively you can post it on here
Opening up is pretty tough for lots of us - for me I didn't want to bother anyone specifically. Putting a general status seemed a lot less like 'bothering' someone to me when I was drunk (and when I was newly sober, but not yet found new strategies for dealing with 'stuff'). When I got further into recovery I found myself using my Private Message function on Facebook more often than the status bar. And I started being more selective in who I messaged as well. Funny, nowadays my cousin or brother are high up on my trust list for personal messages on FB, whereas I wouldn't have even thought about messaging them before. Also some of my old, old friends (the ones who I stopped seeing years ago because they didn't drink like me i.e. they never turned up like magic on the bar stool next to me.) No doubt as time passes you'll be surprised at how many unexpected names end up in your circle of trust.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I don't do Facebook...I'm sure for some it's a positive but to me, on Facebook world it's forever high school.
It's been a long time since I was single, but I remember too well the kind of guys I attracted when I was drinking and single. Oy.
Someone here the other day posted something very wise to the effect that you attract people at your level of mental health. So if you're sober, grounded, and refuse to be stepped on, you'll attract the kind of person who wouldn't ever try.
Certainly worth a try, right?
Wishing you success...
It's been a long time since I was single, but I remember too well the kind of guys I attracted when I was drinking and single. Oy.
Someone here the other day posted something very wise to the effect that you attract people at your level of mental health. So if you're sober, grounded, and refuse to be stepped on, you'll attract the kind of person who wouldn't ever try.
Certainly worth a try, right?
Wishing you success...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Sounds like drinking should be a thing of your past. Good on you for stopping.
About the post, I loved it. You were being brave. Calling it like you saw it. I don't see anything whiney or pathetic -- I see strong.
I think we all edit ourselves too much in this world. Especially those who drink too much.
We drink to avoid being brave, me thinks
About the post, I loved it. You were being brave. Calling it like you saw it. I don't see anything whiney or pathetic -- I see strong.
I think we all edit ourselves too much in this world. Especially those who drink too much.
We drink to avoid being brave, me thinks
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Hi there! FWIW, when I was drinking the only guys who wanted anything to do with me were booty call guys. And guess what? Since I quit drinking 20 days ago, they've scattered like kitchen cockroaches when the lights come on. Guess they liked me better drunk. Hmmm...wonder why?
Tough truth (which I've said before in a different thread): No decent guy with good morals and honorable intentions is going to seek out a drunk. Tougher truth: Like attracts like. Good news: Once we're sober, we become much higher caliber ladies and attract much higher caliber men.
Men are not our reason for living, obviously. But it's perfectly normal to want a good relationship with a quality person. And this is our future reality! Sober and self-respecting, we won't be entertaining booty calls or even hearing from men like that.
Men are very attuned to the concept of "league." Meaning, which women are "in their league" which are "out of their league." Trust me when I say to you that as soon as you are sober -- no changes to your appearance, socioeconomic status, etc. -- just as soon as you are SOBER, you will immediately be in a different "league." Mr. Hit n' Split will vanish and no further of his kind will come sniffing around you.
Keep posting and let us know how it goes!! PM me if it's not fit for public consumption. I'd like to follow you story because it parallels my own!
Tough truth (which I've said before in a different thread): No decent guy with good morals and honorable intentions is going to seek out a drunk. Tougher truth: Like attracts like. Good news: Once we're sober, we become much higher caliber ladies and attract much higher caliber men.
Men are not our reason for living, obviously. But it's perfectly normal to want a good relationship with a quality person. And this is our future reality! Sober and self-respecting, we won't be entertaining booty calls or even hearing from men like that.
Preface: Guys, please don't take the following remarks as sexist if they don't describe you. I just "cleared" it with my male roommate and he says it's true.
Men are very attuned to the concept of "league." Meaning, which women are "in their league" which are "out of their league." Trust me when I say to you that as soon as you are sober -- no changes to your appearance, socioeconomic status, etc. -- just as soon as you are SOBER, you will immediately be in a different "league." Mr. Hit n' Split will vanish and no further of his kind will come sniffing around you.
Keep posting and let us know how it goes!! PM me if it's not fit for public consumption. I'd like to follow you story because it parallels my own!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
I think you have many reasons why stopping drinking would benefit you. When you learn to like and love yourself, the right guy will come into your life. I hope that you make the decision to live a sober life. Posting here on SR is always a good idea for support. Stay away from FB.
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