solow

To looking more and more likely that I'm never going to see my husband again as our marriage is breaking down. I know it's for the best but the fried is starting to become real and I'm scared.

I went to my second AA meeting today and it was good but my mind wasn't completely there. Towards the end the dark feeling I've been having inside about this issue began to take over and i came away feeling bad.

I just thought I'd reach out here and see if it helped me feel better this evening

Anna

I'm sorry that your marriage is breaking down. You will find lots of support here.

SoberLeigh

I am so very sorry, solow.

Sending good thoughts and support.

dogslover2016

I'm so sorry.

Thumpalumpacus

Focus on your sobriety right now. Angst will on make recovery harder.

I wrote my ex- a letter and sent it off this week in order to make my peace with the wrongs I've done to her. I want to think we can find our way back together, but my sobriety is the most important thing for me right now, and that means not dwelling on the past and not catastrophizing about the future.

jryan19982

Why did he go away? Was the separation mutual? I hope you can find some solace in this situation.

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug.

strategery

That's super tough solow. Just keep on working on your recovery and try to focus on that. Working on yourself and your recovery will pay off no matter what happens. Sending lots of hugs your way.

solow

He was only supposed to go for 3 months but I don't want him to return - although of course the thought of that first hug would feel like heaven and being able to sleep next to him at night would be bliss, I know however that very very quickly problems would arise, arguments would develop and I would be back in the state of anxiety that led me to drink in the first place and probably would again.

He had anger issues, I dealt with it by drinking to forget and things just got worse and worse. And now I know the best thing I can do for my future is to end it or the alternative is to sacrifice my entire life to the service of his happiness and convenience, regardless of what that does to me physically, mentally, and emotionally. But the pain and grief are still just as real. To make matters worse my brother who has been supporting me into sobriety has no time for me shedding a single tear over this. He hates my husband as do all my family and it annoys him that I could be anything less than overjoyed to be free of him. But of course, this means I'm bottling it up and starting to feel isolated.

I suppose I just need to not dwell too much and just to get on with each day as best I can.

Thank you all for your support it's helpful to be able to talk about this here even if it's a touchy subject at home

Carlotta

Just like others said keep focusing on your recovery. Getting into self destructive mode (which drinking is) will not change the situation and while it may make you feel better very briefly, it has the potential to make things even worst,
Lean on us also try to look for Women's meeting in AA and Women For Sobriety if you are in a big city. Getting f2f support from other women in recovery who might have walked in your shoes at some point will really be helpful.

Hang in there ok?

Bailey3

I agree with stratergy. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I've been through it and, can tell you that drinking will only make things worse. Please take care of yourself.

solow

Thank you I think this could be a very good idea for me. I will try to find the next women's meeting in town. Thank you!

neferkamichael

Solow, so sorry for your loss, rootin for ya.

Carlotta

I m glad
Most guys in AA are good guys but like everywhere else, you have scumbags and you are vulnerable right now being newly separated and newly sober. Unless a guy is either ancient or gay, it might be a good idea to stick with the women.
and of course you ve got the SR crew with 24/7 support

Hevyn

Good stuff already said - so I'll just send you some love and support, solow. You always have us to share your thoughts with, & we want to help.

jryan19982

Man. That is pretty complicated. I don't know your family but it seems as though they don't care for him. At the same time you can find too many negatives about your relationship. Just from the outside looking in, it seems that you are making the right decision both mentally and physically. Working on your sobriety is important and it seems that your relationship was one reason that lead you to drink.

Did you guys ever do counseling or marriage therapy?

Again I am really sorry this is happening to you. Keep strong and keep sober. Only bad things will happen if you decide to drink.

FormerWineGirl

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, solow. It's good, however, that you are going to go through it sober. Divorce, if in fact that is where your marriage is headed, is bad enough as it is, but going through it drunk is even worse. I was a heavy drinker for a long time, but during my divorce my drinking went into hyper-overdrive. I was in constant numbing mode, drinking vodka in the morning before I went to work, coming home during lunch to drink wine, then drinking as soon as I got off work until bed. At least sober, you will have clarity of mind to process your emotions. Take extra good care of yourself, and know that we are here for you.

FLCamper

I was 3 months sober when my husband said he was done. It actually helped me stay sober because I knew I couldn't handle all the fall out drunk.
There are lots of divorce care programs, that might be beneficial, too.
I'm glad you realize this is for the best after all.
But, mostly, if he had anger issues and he took that out on you, you are better off with out an ass like that. The hell with him - there are a lot of better guys out there. You don't need that.

SoberinSyracuse

I've been where you are, only a few years ago. It was tough, to say the least. People expected me to be happy about it and had no patience to listen me talk it out.

Unfortunately the separation/divorce spurred me on to a higher level of drinking. But you already know better than this. You'll fare much better than I did, being sober.

Peace to you!

Dropsie

I could have written the same exact post eight years ago. Exactly.

Except like Syracuse said, I did not do it sober, and boy do I wish I had.

None of it is easy, believe me, even after all my Ex put me thru, but believe one thing, sober is better, so much better.

Hang in there.