lilmeg

Hey everyone I am desperately seeking advice from anyone who has been through this. I'm 18 and have been with a 22 year old alcoholic/drug addict since Oct 2014, that's a year and a half. We broke up for good today. Basically, we met under drinking circumstances and since we are Irish it is part of our culture and normalized to the extent that you are extremely weird if you don't drink. I was 16 when we started going out - I used to see him every Friday at the pub for darts which he loved but is a pub sport. That was fine and I never had a problem with him drinking at the darts. Now, this guy lived about a 20 minute drive away from me but he didn't drive. He lived with his mother and worked a full time job, which I was perfectly fine with. Since we were official I decided I wanted to see him more than just on Friday's. It was a struggle but for the most part we managed it, a lot of it came from him being near my house drinking anyway. Slowly his drinking got worse to the point he was going on 3 day benders and then showing up at my house full of sorrys. For the last maybe 6 or 7 months I have been fighting a war with him. He would give up drinking for maybe 6 weeks at most and then would lose it and go on a bender. Bearing in mind I would only see him once or twice when he wasn't drinking. A lot of my anger stemmed from jealous from not seeing him yet he had time to be drinking. He always had excuses but yet when we were both sober together we were great and we really loved each other. Now we have been broken up since before Christmas. I gave up drinking heavily last August due to my own mental health issues and a suicide attempt while drunk - I only drink occasionally or at an event. So just before Christmas my friends had a college night and I went with them. We ended up in a nightclub and I was at home by 2am. I was working at this time and the next day I went to work as normal. So this guy texts me on my break saying he's going drinking. I try to contain myself since he made me a deal he would only drink on Friday's. That was fine. I made my decision that day to end it. I went to the pub he told me he was at, he wasn't there so I checked all the local pubs. Nowhere to be found. He wouldn't answer his phone either. So I stayed up until 2am even though I had work the next day and heard nothing until 3am when he walked into my home drunk off his face just after coming from the nightclub. He told me he had lost his friends. He had been in my house five minutes when they began ringing and I told him he was too drunk and he could stay with me and I'd get him a taxi home the next day. He fought with me over and ended up telling me he had drugs waiting for him. So I freaked out and locked him in the house - bad move, I know - and we fought until about 5am and then went to sleep. The next morning refused to walk to work with me so I could get him a taxi. He told me he was going to the bookmakers and then would get his mother to pick him up. I lost it and he ended up climbing over my back garden wall to get out. So I went to work and on my break I seen a Facebook status saying he was drinking. So I went to the pub he was at and brought him outside and broke up with him and throwing his drink at him. I then went back to work. The next day I rang him to see if he was home and sober and found out he was drinking again. I got so angry that I decided to go drinking also and went to the pub he was at. We spent the night fighting until he went home. We have remained friends, we have been having sex and saying we love eachother on top of constant fighting and his drinking. He went on a 3 day bender for the first time since Christmas last week and then came to my house at 10am. He cried all day and said he needed help and could I help him etc. I got a number for a drugs counsellor and he promised me he would see a doctor. So today, Friday, we were fighting because he hadn't rang a doctor or anything and was planning on drinking. So I rang him at 3pm and he was drinking. I burned all his stuff and blocked him and all his familys numbers. It's really hard because I do love him and everything and I feel totally worthless. I am extremely young and know this isn't the end of my life but I feel guilty as if I have not done enough for him. I feel as if I am jealous of the time he doesn't spend with me and like I make it a big deal, or does he make me feel that way? My head is messed up and I could really use some advice Xx

least

He doesn't sound like good relationship material to me. What's to prevent you from permanently breaking up with him and getting on with your own life?

Soberwolf

Welcome lilmeg

lilmeg

That's what I'm planning but every time we end up back in contact. Ends up him making promises of I'll change etc. and it always ends up the same way. I'm scared to be with him and without him.

lilmeg

Thanks dude!

Thumpalumpacus

You deserve a man who puts you ahead of his drinking.

hope778

He can make promises all he wants. Him following through with them is your true desire. If he doesn't you must decide what you will do. If you keep fluctuating with him this could go on forever unfortunately.

Wishing you the best.

Bunnyrabbit

Ugh, to me these drama fueled, dysfunctional relationships are worse than alcohol, they're exponentially more destructive and more addictive. But make no mistake they're just another drug, just another addiction. That's why it's so hard to break free from them...
I was in the same boat as you some time ago, took me 4 years, a lot of break ups and recycles to finally walk away. What I've learned is that it's crucial for me to maintain a strict no contact policy , ANY contact with her is highly toxic and can send me right back in to the destructive spiral.
These 4 years have cost me pretty much everything, including my dignity and self worth. I am now alcohol and drama free and slowly rebuilding the ruins that my life had become. I'd advise you to net let it get that far and quit now while you're still ahead.

Oh, and despite all the promises and pretty words they say, it doesn't ever get better ever, it only gets worse.... much, much worse.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Lilmeg!!