MikeM

It's 5 hours until I get sent to rehab. I'm drinking like there is no tomorrow and I know I will regret it.

But that's not the point. To be clear. You guys are fed up with me, right? You don't like me and don't like me coming back again and again, mostly drunk, posting.

It bothers you and I am no longer accepted, really, right? I could feel that as an undertone in some of the responses and I guess more people feel that way. Here's Mike again, we don't like him.

Please be honest about this. I will get help. I love this place but I screwed up.

This is not some self-pity kind of thing. Just asking for your honest replies.

Mike -- Drunk as **** again (which is why I'm not very liked), awaiting going to rehab in 5 hours. Hypnotherapist included.

P.S, I would not be offended by the truth.
P.P.S. I'm about to get a little bit of sleep, so I will probably quickly read the replies but won't be able to respond to them.

Dee74

I don't think there's much truth in any of that Mike.
I believe you might believe it right now, but that doesn't make it true.

I'm not angry with you, or frustrated - and nor do I not like you

Man you are me, about a decade ago.

I hope to see you back sober and ready to continue that way in a little while.


I think rehab is a better bet than your folks, so kudos for that.

A word of advice - don't drink as much as you can now...I know rehab is scary, but 'last hurrahs' rarely work out the way we think they will.

Take care of yourself, Mike

D

EndGameNYC

It might help for you to consider that maybe it's not all about you. That would be a start.

ZeldaFan

I can't speak for others nor have I read all the posts from your thread from earlier so I'm a bit out of the loop but I can say that I'm not fed up with you. I'm not mad or dislike you either. You are struggling but you are sharing as well. What you are sharing is the reality of addition and it likely resonates with a lot of people struggling as well. A lot of people lurk here and I'm sure you have many following your journey.

For some people, they can stop on their own. Others require additional support. There's nothing wrong with either approach as long as it works. In your case, I'm thrilled to hear you are going to rehab as I think it's what you need. I'm still pulling for you and I'm not giving up hope that you will break through to the other side and live a sober and happy life.

dwtbd

Honestly I think it would be great for you if you would put down the beer right now, get some rest and look to your treatment as support in your decision to quit.
I also think a lot of advice given on a thread is to a poster , but with an eye to other readers at the same time. So in that sense it isn't all about you, but your posts can help yourself and others, the more overall threads the better.
Try and be more proactive and less reactionary, to succeed it has to come from within you, it can not be done to you.
Wish you well

Dallow

Mike, I have not read your earlier posts here but I can relate to the feelings you are having right now.

After a binge I am convinced everybody is talking about me behind my back. I wonder if the cashiers at the liquor store are laughing about my addiction. I am convinced everyone hates me and I don't want to leave my house. It's the paranoia and the self-hatred that comes with drinking.

Take this chance you've been given and make the most out of rehab. Looking forward to see you back here!

teatreeoil007

I like you and I think you are a GOOD person and likely GOOD at what you do...I mean, look! Your writing has always been fairly clear even while drunk...that tells me you a tremendous amount of skill in the area of writing...and I'm wondering if you are frustrated writer who needs to just let it fly (the writing I mean)....get into the "zone". Please don't assume people don't like you. They are concerned about you and maybe some of them are getting frustrated with you, but I don't think they dislike you.

Shantilove

You know what Mike? No one is fed up with you, I'm certainly not. I think the only one fed up with you is yourself. I think you are fed up with the drinking and starting over, I think you really do want to be sober.
The fact that you keep coming back to this site says it all.
Keep fighting Mike. I don't mind if you post every day, the good the bad the awful, we are here for you and we will keep supporting you.
You have so much support on this site, it sounds like you have a lot of family support, you are able to go to rehab, you have it all Mike you just have to be willing to take it. One day when your sober you will look back and think " wow I wish I did this ages ago, sober life is amazing " I promise you you will be a lot happier than you are now stuck in the vicious cycle. Stop the self sabotage, live the happy healthy life you deserve to live.
And Mike, keep posting

suki44883

Oh, knock it off! I've been where you are. I've been there...sitting, waiting on my ride to a detox facility. I was drinking everything I had in the house, which was quite a lot. Let's see....I had several Captain Morgan Spiced Rum and Cokes, I had a few Tanqueray and tonics, I had a bloody Mary or two, and all that was on top of the 12 pack of beer I had already consumed. It was my final HURRAH!!!

My point is...you ARE accepted here. You ARE liked here. What you have found on SR is a group of people who KNOW what you are feeling because we all felt that at some point or time in our lives.

Go to bed and get up tomorrow and head to treatment. Don't ever convince yourself that you are losing anything or that you are somehow missing out. Your aren't missing a thing! You are saving your life!

Delilah1

Mike,

I'm glad you will be going to rehab, and sounds like you have a strong support system with your family.

Will you be going to an inpatient facility, or outpatient?

Berrybean

Yep - Shanti said it for me.

You know Mike, soon you'll have trained your inner ear to recognise that AV (addictive voice) and tell it to shush and not listen to it.

Looking forward to hearing how the rehab goes. Take care

fantail

This makes me really happy.

You made the right choice.

Listen, the one thing you need to do with rehab is look for the takeaway in everything. EVERYTHING. The stuff that you hate, look for something to learn. The stuff you think is boring and stupid, look for something to learn. The stuff that offends you. That feels condescending. That is condescending. That gives you anxiety. EVERYTHING. Not because it's all secretly brilliant, but because you're a smart person with a month to focus only on this one problem, and you're going to get a smorgasbord of a million things that all have some truth in them. So focus on it. Treat everything around you like it might have the answer.

mcflurry

Hi Mike

I certainly don't dislike you, nor am I fed up with you. I'm sorry if my last reply to your last thread sounded condescending or bossy, that wasn't my intention at all- I was trying to help but it was late at night after a long day at work so perhaps could have worded it better

I really identify with you and how you are feeling. I get that same paranoid feeling of everyone talking about me/disliking me after coming down off a binge. Alcohol is a really powerful depressant.

I think a lot of other people here identify with how you feel as well, and see their former selves in you.

I am so, so glad you are going to rehab. Wishing you all the best. Good luck xx

Soberwolf

Put everything into recovery work your tail off in recovery & you will reap the benefits of sobriety

StrongBird

One of the things I've learned is that most people don't think about others that much at all. We are all quite self absorbed. And alcoholics in early sobriety - even more so. So in all likelihood, your fears are because you're fed up with yourself.

Your posts are valuable. We are about the same age. I am finding quitting to be easier than you, and that is helpful because it reminds me that this is a progressive and unfair condition. There but for the grace of God go I.

But the truly miraculous thing is you have the power to turn it around. Stop digging and put down your shovel and whatdaya know - rock bottom. The only way to go is up.

lilgolden73

Good luck with rehab! Plz check in and let us know how your doing!

ALinNS

For me not angry at all, I do feel sorry for your situation and yes I have been there, rehab will clear your head, I really hope you get a plan in place in time as you like many of us can be beyond happy, productive and enjoying life without the booze.

All the best

Meraviglioso

Mike, as EndGame, McFlurry and Strongbird pointed out, it isn't always about us.
My mother used to always say to me (in an attempt to make me feel better) "do you really think other people spend all of their time thinking and talking about you? Isn't that an awfully conceited idea?"
And it is not that people here don't care, quite the opposite, but at some point the lack of participation on your end- or seeming lack of participation I should say- could make someone feel stupid or worthless for trying.
You seem to be having a lot of fitful cries for attention recently. Let me say that I have been there, I have done my fair share of posturing, professing, pleading and groveling here. I have also done it in my offline life. I don't think I have had enough space between now and that recent past, nor do I think I am qualified enough to clinically evaluate my behavior, but with the little bit of insight that I do have I think what was happening is that I was screaming out for attention due to some need that goes deeper than my alcoholism. I could be wrong. I do remember glimpses of clarity where I was, at some level, aware that I was purposely worsening my situation as a cry for help. This mostly took place offline with my boyfriend. I think I felt that if it got bad enough, surely he would… he would… what? care more? be more involved in helping me stop? feel sorry for me? decide I really couldn't change? leave me and prove my feelings of worthlessness to be correct? I don't know. You know the saying, cutting off my nose to spite my face.
I don't know if you are doing this also. There is actually nothing wrong with coming right out and saying "I need some extra attention right now." Maybe you, or I, don't know why we feel that way, or what we need, but we do need something. It is ok to reach out and ask for support- here or in offline life- even when we don't know exactly what it is we are asking for. As we heal and work on becoming more mature adults, hopefully we will learn to be direct and put a name to what it is we need. And, importantly, understand that it isn't all about us, and even those closet to us cannot be expected to be at our emotionally needy beck and call.
We hear you Mike. We hear you have a mental disorder. We hear that your disorder is unique in some way. We hear that you write very well, even when drunk. We hear that you have the means to go to a "top" rehab. We hear that your family will send you to Sweden if that is what it takes.
We hear you Mike. If you need something, ask for it. There are other ways to get attention and care other than making a big scene of being drunk.
Why not really make use of SR for the school that it is instead of just hanging out on the playground?
Best of luck in rehab, wherever you end up. Make the most of it.

Nonsensical

Closing in on 155,000 members of this forum, Mike. You're not the first guy that's posted here drunk. You're not the first guy that's posted here repeatedly drunk. You're not the first guy who swore he was getting sober and posted drunk within 24 hours.

You are a unique individual.
Your addiction is very very familiar on these boards.

Put everything you have into rehab.

You can do this.

doggonecarl

Rehab--The golden ticket. Don't screw this up. Get sober.